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This page is the transcript for "Bald Spot".


(Episode starts with Muscle Man getting a haircut at a barber shop called Cheap Cuts)

Muscle Man: Not too much off the top, Tony. Everything's got to be perfect. Tonight's my one-year anniversary with Starla.

Tony: Where you guys headed?

Muscle Man: A bunch of us are gonna get our skate on at the roller rink. That's why I'm getting my hair cut and everything.

Tony: Sounds like a big deal.

Muscle Man: Yeah, but I've got it all figured out, though. I pre-requested the deejay to play our song at the end of the night.

Tony: Oh, boy, she's gonna love that. (He blow dries Muscle Man's hair)

Muscle Man: Yeah, I know.

(Tony wipes off Muscle Man's chin)

Tony: All right. You're all done.

Muscle Man: Thanks, Tony.

Tony: Don't mention it. You look great, kid.

(Tony hands over a mirror, and Muscle Man sees a bald spot on the back of his head. He is in shock as he runs outside.)

Hi Five Ghost: Muscle Man, what's the matter?!

Muscle Man: What do you think's the matter? I'm bald! (He shows Hi Five Ghost the bald patch on his head)

Hi Five Ghost: Whoa!

Muscle Man: I can't let Starla see me like this!

Hi Five Ghost: It's not that bad.

Muscle Man: Yes it is! If she sees me bald, she's gonna dump me! I just have to figure out a way to keep Starla from finding out that I'm bald.

(Muscle Man goes into Benson's office, while wearing a 'It's Party Time' Sombrero)

Benson: No, no, no, no, no.

Muscle Man: What?

Benson: It's not party time. It's work time. Get rid of the hat.

Muscle Man: Aw, come on, Benson!

Benson: You know the rules. No oversized novelty hats on work time.

Muscle Man: Fine!

(Throws his hat on the ground, and Benson sees his bald spot)

Benson: Whoa.

Muscle Man: Is it that noticeable?

Benson: Yes. But don't worry. Lots of guys are bald and they're really cool. (Happily) I mean, look at me!

Muscle Man: Come on, Benson, just give me back the hat!

Benson: Sorry, Muscle Man, but you know the rules. (He shreds the Sombrero in the shredder)

Muscle Man: Ugh! (He hits the wall with his right fist, and leaves)

Benson: Punching the wall isn't gonna grow it back! I already tried.

(Muscle Man is seen with a comb-over and runs into Skips)

Skips: You're not fooling anyone.

Muscle Man: What are you talking about?

Skips: Your comb-over.

Muscle Man: Aw, MAN!

(Frustrated, he forcefully puts down his trolley full of dirt)

Muscle Man (continued): How can you tell?!

(Skips shows Muscle Man his bald spot)

Muscle Man (continued): Whoa.

Skips: It's all right. You get used to it.

Muscle Man: Really?

Skips: Yeah, in about 400 years.

(Muscle Man freaks out and runs away)

(Next scene. Muscle Man sprays on 'Not So Bald' Hair spray to cover up his bald spot.)

Mordecai: Hey, Muscle Man. You ready to get your skate on tonight?

Muscle Man: You know it, bro.

(The hairspray melts on his face)

Muscle Man (continued):  I'm gonna show all you fools how it's done!

Rigby: What's wrong with your hair, dude?

Muscle Man: What?

(He touches the top of his head, and the hair spray gets all over his fingers)

Muscle Man (continued): (Angrily) Man! This stuff was expensive!

Rigby: Whoa. I didn't know you were bald.

(Muscle Man freaks out and rolls away)

Mordecai: Uh, see you tonight, Muscle Man.

(Scene changes to Muscle Man's trailer. Sad music can be heard in the background.)

Muscle Man: I guess I'm gonna have to tell Starla the truth.

(Scene cuts to Muscle Man's imagination, where we see Starla in a pitch black background)

Starla: Mitch, where are you?

Muscle Man: Happy one-year anniversary, baby.

(He gives Starla a rose)

Starla: Oh, Mitch! Thank you.

Muscle Man: Starla, I have to tell you something. I'm... bald.

(Starla laughs)

Muscle Man (continued): (Nervously) Why are you laughing, babe?

Starla: How could you possibly think I'd love a bald man?

(She begins to laugh, along with Mordecai, Rigby, Benson and Skips. A random, attractive guy with flowing, long hair appears at her side.)

Muscle Man: Who's that, babe?

Starla: He's my new boyfriend. (Aggressive tone) He's not bald.

Muscle Man: No!

Starla: (On phone) Police! Arrest my ex. He's bald!

Muscle Man: What? No, babe!

(The police grab Muscle Man)

Muscle Man (continued): Noooooooooo!

(Imagination scene ends. Muscle Man sees a mirror and angrily breaks it with a chair.)

Hi Five Ghost: Hey, that's my mirror!

Muscle Man: (Shaking High Five Ghost) What am I gonna do, Fives?!

Hi Five Ghost: Geez, relax! Starla's not gonna care, man.

Muscle Man: Are you kidding?! The only things I have going for me are my flowing mane and my rippling muscles.

Hi Five Ghost: Well, at least you still got your muscles.

Muscle Man: Yeah, I guess that's true.

(He takes off his shirt and flexes his pecs. Both him and Hi Five Ghost look in the mirror.)

Muscle Man (continued): Man, you remember last summer at the water park? I had to stop flexing 'cause Starla couldn't keep her hands off me. Whoa, whoa, I just thought of something.

Hi Five Ghost: What?

Muscle Man: If I keep flexing these babies, then maybe Starla won't notice I'm bald!

Hi Five Ghost: Oh, yeah, that could work.

Muscle Man: Dude!

Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost: Flex the pecs! Hoo!

(They high five)

(Scene changes to skating rink. We see a couple of random people skating, as well as Mordecai skating with Margaret.)

Mordecai: Did you see that? I bet I could do that.

Margaret: Yeah, in your dreams.

Eileen: (Grabbing Rigby) Come on, Rigby. It'll be fun!

(Rigby whimpers and holds onto the rail at the side)

Starla: (Skates up to Hi Five Ghost) Hey, Fives, have you seen Mitch?

Hi Five Ghost: He should be here by now.

(Muscle Man comes out of the bathroom with a rose in his mouth, his pecs flexing all the while)

Mordecai: Dude, why does Muscle Man keep flexing his pecs like that?

Margaret: I don't know, it's gross! But oddly hypnotic...

(Mordecai looks at Margaret suspiciously)

Muscle Man: Happy anniversary, baby.

Starla: Oh, Mitch, you're such a charmer.

(Muscle Man and Starla start skating)

Starla: (Laughs) Mitch, will you lift me?

Muscle Man: Uh, sure, babe.

Starla: (Laughs again after he lifts her up) Mitch.

Muscle Man: (Laughs as his eye twitches) Starla.

Starla: Hey, babe, are you all right?

Muscle Man: Yeah, why wouldn't I be all right?

Starla: Well, you look a little tired.

Muscle Man: What? No, I don't. I look normal. See? (He makes a weird face and tries to stop his pecs from flexing) Hang on. (He lets go of Starla)

Starla: Hey, where you going?

Muscle Man : (Backs out of the rink) I got to use it!

(Muscle Man continues to back out into the restroom. He goes into one of the stalls, sits down and groans.)

Muscle Man (continued): My pecs are killing me. But it's only a little longer till they play our song. I just have to make it through that song! (He starts straining himself, and fails. He takes a deep breath and tries again.) Come on! (He starts flexing his pecs again.) Come on! Do it for her! STARLA!

(Cut to Fives socializing with a girl.)

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah, I liked their first album.

(Starla skates over to them.)

Starla: Fives, could you check on Mitch? He's been in the bathroom for a while.

Hi Five Ghost: Sure. (Fives goes inside the bathroom, which looks a lot brighter than before.) Whoa.

Muscle Man: Who is that?! Get out of here!

Hi Five Ghost: Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: Fives? Is that you?

Hi Five Ghost: Are you okay?

Muscle Man: Don't come in here, bro!

(Fives opens the stall, and Muscle Man's pecs are shown to be flexing brightly and uncontrollably.)

Hi Five Ghost: (gasps) Dude, what happened?!

Muscle Man: I was trying to keep flexing, so I started punching and slapping them and stuff, and now they're going crazy! They won't stop!

Hi Five Ghost: Well, dude, Starla's looking for you!

Muscle Man: I can't go back out there, Fives!

DJ: All right, boys and girls, it's your last chance to grab that special someone because it's the last song of the night!

Muscle Man: Oh, no! That's the song I requested!

Hi Five Ghost: If you don't get out there and skate with Starla, it'll ruin your whole anniversary!

(Muscle Man skates out of the bathroom. Starla turns her attention to him, and he salutes to the DJ, who nods. Muscle Man and Starla meet up.)

Starla: Mitch! You remembered our song.

(She catches sight of Muscle Man's pecs and stares at them.)

Muscle Man: How could I ever forget? You're the best thing that ever skated into my life.

(They both skate into the rink, past some skaters. The female skaters see Muscle Man's pecs and become hypnotized. They begin to skate toward him. Muscle Man and Starla continue to skate past more people. The females become hypnotized and skate toward them, leaving behind the males.)

Guy #1: Hey, where you going, ladies?

Guy #2: They just ditched us for that loser!

(All the girl skaters are now skating a distance from Muscle Man and Starla. They soon get close, grab Starla, and throw her aside. They scream excitedly at Muscle Man.)

Starla: Huh?

(Muscle Man is now crowded by all the female skaters in the rink. He tries to push himself out.)

Muscle Man: Get off of me!

(Starla is enraged.)

Starla: Aaah! Get your hands off my man!

(She begins skating to the crowd, fighting her way through to Muscle Man. The three guys skate to him also.)

Guy #2: Let's get our chicks back!

(The third guy punches Muscle Man in the face, and pushes him over to the other guys, who surround him.)

Guy #2: If you think you can take our girlfriends, you got another thing coming!

(The third guy grabs him while the second guy punches him.)

Muscle Man: I didn't take your girls!

(He frees himself from the third guy's grasp and punches the second guy in the face. The first guy punches Muscle Man down.)

Guy #2: Hold him still.

(The third guy hooks him by the shoulders.)

Muscle Man: Let go, bro!

Guy #2: Let's see how strong those muscles really are!

(He tries to punch him in the pec, but it is spinning so rapidly that it slices off his hand causing him to scream. One of the other guys try to punch Muscle Man, but he blocks it and punches him down. He then kicks the oncoming third guy down with his skates. The first guy trips over him while charging at Muscle Man, causing his face to hit against his pecs and burn. He drops down clutching it.)

Guy #1: Oh, man! You burned my face!

(A girl grabs onto Muscle Man and screams.)

Girl: Aah! I love you!

(Starla skates over to her.)

Starla: Get off of him!

(She throws her aside to the other girl skaters.)

Girl Skaters: Muscle Man!

(The girl crashes into them. Another girl skater races to Muscle Man, but Starla holds her back. She turns to Muscle Man.)

Starla: Mitch, why do you keep flexing your pecs?

Muscle Man: I... (gets grabbed by a guy skater) don't... know what you're talking about!

(Starla smashes the skater down.)

Starla: You're being weird!

Muscle Man: No! You're being weird!

(He flips the guy from behind and punches him.)

Starla: Oh, whatever! That's just what you say when you're being weird!

(She keeps fighting the other girl skaters.)

Muscle Man: I'm not being weird!

(A boy skater smacks Muscle Man in the face with a guitar.)

Muscle Man (continued): Hey, watch the hair!

Starla: Mitch, don't you lie to me! Are you flexing your pecs because you want the other girls to notice you?

Muscle Man: No way, babe!

(The skater kicks him, then Muscle Man punches him and jumps on him.)

Boy skater: Aah!

Starla: Are you trying to break up with me?

Muscle Man: No!

(The skaters grab him by the arms.)

Starla: You are, aren't you?!

Muscle Man: No, I'm not!

Starla: Yes, you are! You're trying to break up with ME-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!

(As she holds that word, it causes a guy's cup to break and a guy's head to burst.)

Muscle Man: Baby, no! You're the only one I love!

Starla: You're lying!

Muscle Man: No, I'm not! I can't stop flexing my pecs, okay?!

Starla: What? Why not?

Muscle Man: I can't stop flexing my pecs because...

Starla: Because what, Mitch?

Muscle Man: Because... I- I...

(He strains a bit.)

Starla: If you don't tell me right now, I'm gonna walk right out that door.

Muscle Man: I can't stop flexing because... I didn't want you to know that I'm bald!

(He bends his head down, revealing the bald spot. He stops flexing. A spotlight shines on Muscle Man, and the record is scratched by the DJ. All the girls who were stunned go back to normal. The skater guys let go of him.)

Guy #1: You make me sick, baldy. Sick!

(The skater guys go away. The girls skaters are sickened and leave the rink as well.)

Girl #2: I can't believe he's bald.

(Starla skates over to Muscle Man.)

Muscle Man: You hate me now, don't you?

Starla: Aw, Mitch. I don't care that you have a bald spot. It happens to a lot of guys.

Muscle Man: So? I still look like an animal. A disgusting, middle-aged-looking animal.

Starla: It's okay, Mitch. It's what's inside this disgusting, middle-aged-looking animal that counts.

(She looks at the bald spot and laughs.)

Muscle Man: What?

(She feels the bald spot.)

Starla: There's stubble on your head. You're not going bald. You just got a bad haircut.

Muscle Man: That's why I love you, baby.

(The two start making out, the friends watching.)

Mordecai: Uh, so I guess we'll catch you guys later or something?

(They leave the two alone.)


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