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"Benson's Car" Transcript

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This page is the transcript for "Benson's Car".

(Mordecai and Rigby are sitting on the couch watching TV. Rigby is eating chips.)

Mordecai: Aw, yea-yuh! Time for some Zombie Pep Squad.

Rigby: I heard this movie has the world record for most stings in a movie ever!

Mordecai: You heard right. (Turns on the movie)

Movie Boy: What do you say we ditch the party and head on up to Make Out Point?

Movie Girl: OK, but... (Opens a locker to find a zombie girl leaning out, growling. A sting plays.)

Mordecai: Here we go.

Movie Boy: Relax, babe. (He suddenly grows fangs and hisses, making the girl scream. A group of zombie girls gang up behind and surround her as multiple stings play.)

Rigby: Hey, dude, can you pause it for a sec? I'm gonna go get some chips.

Mordecai: No way! It'll ruin the flow.

Rigby: Dude, just pause it for a sec!

Mordecai: No!

Rigby: But I'm starving! (Tries to take the remote)

Mordecai: You just ate six bags of chips.

Rigby: And now I need more.

Mordecai: In a minute!

Rigby: No, now!

(As they struggle for the remote, Mordecai slips on a chip bag. The remote flies out of his hand and through an open window. A crash is heard. Him and Rigby rush to the window and stare in shock. Zooms in a shot of Benson's car with the remote logded into the windshield. A sting plays. They run outside to the car.)

Mordecai: Benson's windshield! This is not good. What are we gonna do?

Rigby: Maybe he won't even know it was us. It could've been anybody. Pops, Skips, Thomas. Yeah, let's pin it on Thomas!

Mordecai: No, dude. If we don't get this fixed before Benson finds out, he's gonna fire us.

Rigby: Aw, man! And I still don't have chips. (Zoom into Rigby's angry face as a sting plays.)

Mordecai: Yeah, we should've paused the movie. (Cut to him and Rigby searching through Benson's office.) Keep looking. Benson's car keys have to be here somewhere.

Rigby: (Snaps) His jacket.

Mordecai: Dude, of course!

Mordecai and Rigby: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm!

(They are about to reach into Benson's jacket hanging on the door when he suddendly enters the room, carrying a box.)

Benson: What the? (Mordecai and Rigby gasp) What are you doing in my office?

Mordecai: (Worriedly) Uh, nothing.

Rigby: We were doing nothing.

Benson: Did you do that thing I asked you to do?

Mordecai: Thing? Uh, we were gonna do that thing.

Rigby: (Nods) Totally gonna do the thing.

Mordecai: Could you just give us instructions, though? Just having a hard time getting started.

Benson: You need instructions for raking?

Mordecai and Rigby: Yes!

Benson: (Walks to the window and gestures to the rake outside) You see that raky thing out there? Pick it up and rake with it!

(Mordecai and Rigby glance at the jacket.)

Rigby: Uh, actually, could you show us? We're more visual learners.

Benson: (Sighs and begins to demonstrate) You walk over to some leaves, take your hands, grab the rake...

(Mordecai and Rigby go 'Hmm!' as they inch closer to the door.)

Benson: ...and then you raaake the leaves. You raaake the leaves. (They start to reach into the jacket) Hey! What are you doing back there?

Mordecai: Oh! Um, we can see better from here.

Rigby: Yeah, so we can get the whole... (Trails off)

Benson: (Turns red) Leave! (Runs and pushes them out the door)

Mordecai: Uh, thanks, Benson!

Rigby: Dude! Yeah, man! Really helpful.

(Both are shut out and Benson sighs. They are now outside in the window's view as Benson watches them.)

Mordecai: Hey, Benson! Like this, right? (Starts to rake)

Benson: Yeah, real good. Are we done? Got a lot of work to do here.

(Rigby sneaks open the door and takes Benson's keys out of his jacket. Clock transition to the autobody shop with the car.)

Roger: (Inspeting the car) Mm-hm, mm-hm. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uhhh-huh! Yep, yep. Broken windshield.

(Mordecai and Rigby groan.)

Mordecai: We know.

Rigby: How much?

Roger: Eh, I'll do it for...300 bucks.

Rigby: We can't afford that. How 'bout 65?

Roger: You dare come into my store with an offer like that? I'm an artiste! Get outta here! (Walks away)

Mordecai: Dude, nice going. (Clock transition to the Park. Mordecai drives the car behind a bush. Him and Rigby walk outside of it.) Dude, we'll just hide the car here while we figure out a Plan B.

(A police siren is heard and we pan to the house. Muscle Man is using a metal detector with Hi-Five Ghost, and Benson is speaking to two police officers.)

Benson: Yeah, the old kind of station wagon.

Mordecai: (Walking up) Oh! Uh, hey, Benson. What's going on?

Benson: My car is missing.

Rigby: Or maybe you never had one in the first place? (Mordecai punches him) Ow!

Benson: Not likely, Rigby. That car is the most important thing I own. So, officers, when you find it-

Officer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! We'll keep an eye out for it but... (Whistles) Hm.

Benson: What is that? Does that mean you'll find my car?

Officer: Let's just say you're gonna wanna get a bus pass. (Both officers laugh as they walk to their car and drive away.)

Benson: Lousy cops. I'm going inside.

Mordecai: Are you all right, Benson?

Benson: (Walking up the steps to the house) I'm fine.

Rigby: Dude, this is awesome!

Mordecai: What is?

Rigby: Benson says he's fine, so if we just ditch the car, we're off the hook!

Mordecai: No, Rigby. Look at him. (Benson is in a room, breaking furniture in anger.) We need to fix this.

Muscle Man: (Eating chips) I knew it was you losers! Where'd you stash the car?

Mordecai: Please don't say anything, Muscle Man!

Rigby: Yeah, Benson can't find out.

Muscle Man: Show me the damage or I talk. (Clock transition the bush where the car is hidden. He's using the metal detector to inspect the car.) Woo-hoo! Yeah, I really hit the motherload over here!

Mordecai: Come on, dude! Just help us find someone who can fix it for cheap.

Muscle Man: Ugh. Here, hold my gear, and don't even look at my chips. (Rigby glares while holding the detector. Muscle Man hops on the car and looks at crack.) Hmm. Yeah, this is polyvinyl butyral laminated breeze resistant glass. But don't worry. I know a guy who'll fix it for real cheap.

(Clock transition to Benson in his office. The lights are turned off and he's looking through the blinds of a window. A man enters the room.)

Benson: Thanks for coming on such short notice. Please have a seat. (Drinks from his mug as the man sits down) Oh, and could you get the light? (Lights are turned on and Benson sits down) Thanks, Bring 'Em Back Jack.

Jack: No problemo.

Benson: I've never hired a bounty hunter before. Just curious, though. Are you really from the future like your ad says?

Jack: Huh, huh! (Shows a bronze casing around his arm with multiple weapons inside. The letters V.I.C.K.I are written in red on it.) I got a voice activated future gun here. Hello.

VICKI: Hello, Jack.

Jack: VICKI, silent mode. See? VICKI stands for Voice Input Calling and Killing Instrument.

Benson: Whatever. Can you track down the scum that stole my car or not?

Jack: Heck, yeah, brah! I just need half my payment up front, half when you get your car back, and I only ask one more thing. (Zooms on his face with a dark expression) That I can do whatever I want to the perps when I find them. (Normal again) See in the future, violence is outlawed.

Benson: Fine. Just get my car back.

Jack: That'll be 500,000 dollars.

Benson: Now, I do have an Internet coupon. (Hands the coupon to Jack. It reads, "New costomer offer! Your first bounty $500".)

Jack: In the future, Internet coupons are also outlawed, but since we're in your time, I guess I'll honor it.

Benson: Great. Here's half. 250 dollars.

Jack: You're lucky I like fantasy violence in adult situations so much. (Walks out the room to outside the house. He jumps off the porch and onto the ground) VICKI, analyze clue.

VICKI: (Sends three red lasers to inspect the ground while Jack moves around) Broken glass. Dirt. Dirt. Tire tracks.

Jack: Bingo.

(Now nighttime, clock transition to Mordecai and Rigby with the car. They're somewhere in the city, near a parking lot.)

Rigby: Are you sure this is the place? This place is way off the sticks, man.

Mordecai: This is where Muscle Man's instructions say to wait. Oh, and we gotta signal. (Flashes the car's headlights three times)

Rigby: Dude, nothing happened.

(A truck's headlights turn on as a man drives up next to them. The truck is holding a bunch of windshields in the back. The man sniffs)

Mordecai: You Armond?

Armond: You have 60 bucks?

(Mordecai hands the money to him. Armond takes it and hops out of the truck's window to inspect Benson's windshield)

Rigby: Dude, can you fix it?

Armond: (Sniffs the car and the remote deeply) Gimme 1 hour.

(Mordecai and Rigby smiles. Clock transition back to the autobody shop. Jack is recording a drawing of what Roger is describing of Mordecai and Rigby.)

Roger: They weren't real with it. Oh, a little on the pointy side.

Jack: Hm, these the guys? (Shows his drawing, albeit poorly made)

Roger: Eh...

Jack: Don't worry. VICKI's got it covered. (He brings out VICKI and it scans the drawing. It then shows a hologram of Mordecai and Rigby)

VICKI: Targets indentified. Morde-c-ai and Ri-by.

Roger: Not bad.

Jack: Now, locate targets.

VICKI: (Using a hologram compass) Target location. The Park.

Jack: Call the coffin shop, VICKI.

Female Operator: (Bored) Hello, Sunset Coffin Shop.

Jack: Yeah, I'm gonna need two coffins for later today.

Female Operator: Wonderful, and will you need any flowers arrangements with that?

Jack: Not necessary. (Laughs darkly)

(Fade to Mordecai pushing the car back to the Park while Rigby sits in the driver's seat, singing)

Rigby: ♪Oh, driving in a car. Yeah, we busted Benson's windshield. Gotta fix it fast or Benson'll fire us for...breaking his windshield. We're gonna looose ourrr job!♪

Mordecai: Dude, cut it out or Benson's gonna catch us. (Pushes the car in front of the house. Rigby walks out, holding paper) Oh, man, that was close.

Rigby: Yeah, let's just put the note on and get outta here. (Places the note under a windshield wiper. It reads, "Sorry I borrowed your car without asking. - a Common Crimminal".) Done and done.

VICKI: (Off-screen) Your targets are in range.

Jack: (Suddenly tumbles out of a nearby bush) You didn't really think you'd get away with this, did ya?

Mordecai: Who are you?

Jack: Benson hired me to find the guys who stole his car. So now that I found you it's time to kill you! (Takes out VICKI and opens the weapons)

Mordecai: (Him and Rigby back away) Dude! We-we were just-

Jack: VICKI, destroy targets! (Fires a red bomb at the two, who safely dodge it. The bomb blows a hole in the house garage, however.) Come on, VICKI! Destroy targets! (Hits VICKI)

Mordecai: (He gasps, then he and Rigby run up the steps to the house, yelling. He closes the door behind him) Benson called a bounty hunter? He must be really mad!

Rigby: (Pushes a closet in front of the door) What do we do?

Mordecai: We gotta get Benson to call him off!

(An incoming missile is heard as the two run away. The missile blows up the door and closet. Jack walks in, watching them run down the hall. He fires three missiles inside the house, destroying some of it.)

Jack: VICKI, play epic tunes. (VICKI does so. Jack approaches Mordecai and Rigby in the kitchen.) Scramble missiles! (He fires missiles around as the two run away. He then walks to Pops and Skips, sitting at the table. Both are eating sandwiches and watching in surprise.) Sorry, innocent bystanders. (He walks out the kitchen and inspects the living room. Thomas walks in the room but walks straight back out at the sight of Jack. Jack then tumbles to a closet door.) VICKI, vaporize door! (VICKI vaporizes the door and unveils Mordecai and Rigby.) Time to shut you down for good.

VICKI: (Closes all weapons) Shutting down.

Jack: No!

Mordecai: Run! (Him and Rigby run to Benson's office as Jack hits VICKI.)

Jack: Uh, p-power on!

Mordecai and Rigby: (Dashing into the office) Benson!

Benson: (Comes from under his desk) Guys? Listen, you gotta lay low. I think Jack found the guys that stole my car.

Mordecai: He did find them, 'cause we took your car.

Benson: (Angrily) What?!

Rigby: (Hurriedly) We were fighting over the remote, and the remote cracked your windshield, so we took it to a guy to fix it, then we took it to another guy, but it's all better now! Could you call the future guy off?

Benson: (Growls loudly, red with anger) I'll deal with you two later. We have to stop Jack.

(Another missile explodes, crumbling some of the ceiling. Cuts to Jack outside, blasting holes in the house)

Jack: (Laughs) Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Benson: Stop! (He runs down the steps as he protects Mordecai and Rigby with his arms.)

Jack: VICKI, berserker ion cannon! (VICKI prepares a large, blue energy ball) Now, Benson, brah. I don't wanna alarm you, but those are the perps.

Benson: (Circles around Jack) I know.

Jack: What?

Benson: They didn't steal my car. They're my employees. They took my car to get it fixed and didn't tell me. (Stops in front of the car)

Jack: But you told me I could do what I wanted with the perps. You promised! (Charges the energy ball even more. The others gasp.)

Benson: Look, Jack. There's no reason to hurt them. All I wanted was my car and it's right here. Just keep the money, OK? (Him and Jack stare each other down, sweating.)

Jack: Suit yourself, brah. (The others sigh) VICKI, shutdown code, alpha sigma row.

VICKI: (Beeps, misunderstanding the command) All systems go.

(Panicking, Jack waves VICKI in front of Benson, Mordecai, and Rigby. The energy ball shoots out of the cannon and all three scream)

Benson: Noooo! (In an effort to protect them, he pushes Mordecai and Rigby out of the way of the energy ball, which unfortunately hits his car and creates a massive explosion.)

(Fade back to outside the house, in daytime. Officers inspect a giant hole where Benson's car used to be.)

Jack: Woo! Bummer about your car, man. At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?

Benson: Police!!

Jack: (Backing away) Rain check. Got it, brah. (Backfilps into the bushes while police officers chase him)

Benson: (Growls loudly to the sky, then turns to point at Mordecai and Rigby, creeping away) You!

Mordecai: (Nervously) Thanks for saving us, Benson.

Rigby: Yeah, thanks, man.

Benson: (Furious) DAMAGE TO THE HOUSE, DAMAGE TO MY CAR! MY BUS FARE FOR THE NEXT MONTH! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT! (He walks away.)

Rigby: He didn't say to clean up this mess, but...

Mordecai: (Sighs) Yeah, let's get started.

(They begin to clean when Rigby finds something.)

Rigby: Whoa, Mordecai, check this out. (Him and Mordecai pick up Benson's new windsheild, completely intact.)

Muscle Man: (Walks by them with Hi-Five Ghost) Told you my guy was good.


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