This article is the transcript for the third season episode, "Butt Dial".
(Episode begins with Mordecai picking up garbage off the living room floor while Rigby is sitting on the couch, playing with Mordecai's cell phone.)
Mordecai: Man last night was the best. The best.
Rigby (while tapping on the keys of Mordecai's phone): Yeah, it was pretty fun.
Mordecai: I mean, Margaret and Eileen over for "Game Night," and nothing went wrong. No space portals, no video demons, nobody got hurt.
Rigby: Except for Eileen and I whipping your butts.
Mordecai: Whatever, I had fun. Dude, come on, help out. Benson's not going to let us have people over anymore if we leave this place a mess. And put down my new phone before you break it.
Rigby: Ok, just a sec. I'm making you a new custom wallpaper.
(The wallpaper shows Mordecai getting flushed down a toilet and says "Captain Toilet," "Loser," while Rigby laughs. Mordecai is displeased, and groans. The scene then transitions with Mordecai and Rigby outside the house, putting all the trash bags to the cart.)
Mordecai: All right, I'm going to take this stuff to dump.
Rigby: Heh. You mean you're going take that trash to your face.
(Mordecai gives a fake laugh)
Mordecai: ... and gimme my phone.
(Mordecai snatches the phone from Rigby's hands)
Mordecai: You're lucky I'm in a good mood from last night.
(Mordecai sets the phone next to him on the seat of the cart, and then drives off.)
Rigby: Hmm hmm. Hmm!
(The scene then transitions to Mordecai driving to the dump. All of the sudden, a song about Margaret pops into his brain)
Mordecai: Doo doo doo! A-hanging with Margaret just-a feels so good like I knew it would. Laughing together and-a having a blast. And I hope it lasts forever. I can't believe how hot she is. Makes my insides feel like knotted twists. Her pretty face and those long, long legs, and I hope someday we are more than just friends! (long pause). Oh, Margaret. Oh Margaret! I love it when you stand or sit right next to me. Can't you see? Your future with me is brighter than the ocean... What? "Brighter than the ocean?"
Operator: If you are satisfied with your message, press 1.
Operator: To delete or re-record your message, press 2.
(Mordecai slams the breaks on the cart so hard, it causes the back end of the cart to go up in the air)
Mordecai: No! No! No! Delete! delete! Delete!
Operator: Message sent. Goodbye.
Mordecai: Oh, my...
(The scene cuts off to the next scene, Mordecai, who is driving at full speed back to the house)
Mordecai: Rigby! Dude, its over! She's never gonna talk to me again!
Mordecai: Margaret! I was singing about her in the cart, and it recorded it to her voicemail!
Rigby: Why did you call her in the first place?
Mordecai: I sat on my phone. It was an accident!
Rigby: You butt dialed her?
(Rigby laughs hysterically at his horrible mistake. Mordecai then sits on the steps of the porch in dissapointment, with his eyes covered beneath his hands)
Mordecai: She must think I'm a total loser!
Rigby: Come on! It can't be THAT bad!
Mordecai (still with his eyes covered with his hands): I sang a song about how hot she was, and how I wanted us to be together forever.
Rigby: Okay, that's really bad. But we can fix it! (Rigby takes Mordecai's phone, and starts tapping on the keypad) I'll just call her, and say the message was for someone else!
(The phone starts calling up Margaret. Mordecai takes the phone from Rigby)
Mordecai: Dude, no! That'll make it even worse!
Margaret: Hi, this is Margaret...
Mordecai: Oh, hey Margaret.
Margaret: I'm at work right now, so leave a message after the beep.
(The phone beeps, and Mordecai hangs up)
Mordecai: She's still at work.
Rigby: Which means she hasn't checked her voicemail yet!
Mordecai: Dude... we have to get to her phone and erase that message.
(The scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby slamming the breaks on the cart in front of The Coffee Shop, right in back of Margaret's car. They jump out and peer through the window. Meanwhile, rock music is playing in the background)
Mordecai: Okay, there she is.
Mordecai and Rigby: *gasp* Oh no!
(Margaret picks up a cell phone, looks at it, and then puts it down on a table)
Rigby: Oooooh! Burned! She saw that you left a message, and didn't even CHECK it! That's cold, man.
Mordecai: Shut up. (Mordecai and Rigby turn away from the window, and discuss the plan) Okay, I'll go in and start talking to her. You go in through the side, go underneath the table behind her, and swipe her phone.
Rigby: Love it! (Rigby looks at his hands) These hands were MADE for swiping!
(Mordecai goes inside, and runs down the staircase)
Margaret: Oh, hey Mordecai! How's it going?
Mordecai: Oh, you know. Good.
(Mordecai overlooks Margaret to see Rigby entering through the side)
Margaret: Hey, I had a really fun time last night.
Mordecai: Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah yeah yeah! Me too!
Margaret: Yeah, I thought we made a good team, you and me.
(The camera then focuses on Rigby, unsucessfully trying to swipe the phone from underneath the table)
Mordecai: Uh huh?
Margaret: We should do it again soon! Or, you know, it doesn't have to be a game night necessarily, with other people, or anything. It could be... whatever. (By the sound of it, Margaret wants to spend time with Mordecai alone, possibly increasing the relationship between the two)
Mordecai: Yeah, right. RIGHT! (Mordecai puts an emphasis on the second "right" to direct Rigby where the phone is, since Rigby is underneath the table and can't see)
Margaret: Righhhhht... Well, just let me know. I'm pretty much up for anything. (The phone starts ringing. Mordecai now has a nervous expression on his face) Sorry! (Mordecai is so scared that he slaps Margaret's hand, causing the phone to fly through the air) HEY! (The phone lands in a coffee mug full of coffee, causing sparks to come out of the phone. The phone then smokes, and then sinks further into the coffee) Dude! What are you doing?!
Mordecai: There was a bug!
(Rigby comes out from under the table)
Rigby: I got it!
(Rigby takes the coffee-soaked phone out of the coffee mug)
Margaret: Rigby! Where did you-
Eileen: Oh no! My phone!
Mordecai: Wait, YOUR phone?!
Margaret: Yeah, Eileen told me to watch for calls while she was in the bathroom.
Rigby (to Eileen): Oh, here.
(Rigby gives Eileen the coffee-soaked phone)
Eileen: Gee, thanks...
Mordecai: Wait, so, can I borrow YOUR phone then?
Margaret: Oh, I don't know where I left it. Maybe in my car, or something? I can go check if you want.
Mordecai: Oh, no no! We can get it. You're still working and all, so...
Rigby: Yeah, give us the keys!
(Margaret gives Mordecai the keys to her car)
Margaret: Okay, that's cool. I'm almost done with my shift, so I'll just meet you out there.
Mordecai: Cool! (The scene then transitions to a musical montage of Mordecai and Rigby searching frantically for Margaret's phone in her car. At one point, Rigby finds a "Fist Pump" CD, referencing "Caffinated Concert Tickets," where Margaret made her debut. Without any luck, they cannot find the phone) Aw! It's gotta be in here somewhere!
Rigby: Dude, just butt dial her phone again, and then we can hear where it's ringing from!
Mordecai: Dude, shut... Actually, that's a good idea! (Mordecai dials Margaret's cell phone number on his phone)It's ringing. Do you hear it?
(Mordecai and Rigby look around, but can't find it. The phone picks up)
(The scene transitions to Pops, who is sitting on the couch at the house eating a creamsicle)
Pops: Mordecai, hello! I was just eating this frozen ice lolly, when all of the sudden, this magical telephone thing started ringing!
Mordecai (still in Margaret's car): Margaret must have left her phone at the house last night!
Rigby: Ask him what flavor he is eating!
Mordecai: Pops, stay where you are, don't move, got it?
Pops: Oooh, I love this game!
(Pops stays completely still while his creamsicle is melting. Meanwhile, the scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby outside Margaret's car)
Mordecai: Okay, we need to get back to the house before-
(Margaret interrupts the two)
Margaret: Hey guys! Did you find my phone?
Rigby: Yeah, back at the house!
(Mordecai punches Rigby in the back)
Margaret: Great! I'll go pick it up!
Mordecai: No! We can get it for you! I mean, the park is so far out of your way!
Margaret: No, I don't mind. Besides, I'm the one that left it there!
Mordecai: Fine. Heh heh. We'll see you there!
(Mordecai drags Rigby with him, and dashes to the cart)
Margaret: Okay, I'll see you... (Mordecai does a donut with the cart, and peels out of the street, and around the corner, leaving Margaret) ... there?
(Margaret is now suspicious. Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby are driving the cart at full speed trying to get to the house as fast as possible before Margaret arrives.)
Rigby (while holding on to the hood of the cart): Dude! Slow down!
Mordecai (while driving): No, she can't hear that message!
Rigby: Then take the shortcut! (Rigby points to his left)
(Mordecai drives the cart off an embankment, and drops down to the dirt road below. He then drives full speed over the bridge over the river, flying through the air, and then uses the restroom roof as a ramp to get back on the ground, tearing the shackles off the roof in the process. Mordecai then jumps a hill, flying through the air again, and then lands in the driveway of the house. They then charge into the house, and swipe the phone from Pops, still sitting on the couch with his creamsicle completely melted.)
Mordecai: Thanks Pops!
Telephone Operator: One new voice message. Please input password.
Mordecai and Rigby: PASSWORD?!
Mordecai: Uhhhh, Coffee!
(Mordecai enters "COFFEE" into the phone. It is incorrect.)
Telephone Operator: Incorrect. You have one more attempt.
(Mordecai and Rigby gasp, as they look out the window to see Margaret pulling into the driveway in her car)
Rigby: Dude, hurry!
Mordecai: Uhhhhh... what could it be?!
Rigby: Music! She likes Fist Pump!
(Mordecai enters "FISTPUMP" into the phone. Once again, it is incorrect.)
Telephone Operator: Incorrect. You have no more attempts. Any further attempts will be penalized.
(Mordecai and Rigby grunt. Meanwhile, Margaret is coming out of her car)
Rigby: Dude! She's almost here! Try something!
(Mordecai types in "MORDECAI." Unfortunately, it is incorrect once again)
Telephone Operator: Too many attempts. You will now be penalized.
Rigby: Wait, what?
(Mordecai and Rigby, then get sucked into the phone)
Pops: Did I win?
(Mordecai and Rigby get pixelated, and are being transported to somewhere, screaming of course. Then they landedin the Virtual Messaging Control Center)
Mordecai and Rigby: Ughhhh...
Answering Machine: Get up.
Mordecai: What the? Where are we?
Answering Machine: You have landed in the Virtual Messaging Control Center. We are the keepers of the voice mail. Guardians of all messages throughout history.
(Spotlights shine on five objects, who are apparently characters. These characters include Smoke Signal (who is a blanket over fire), a message in a bottle, an answering machine, a spool of thread, and a chalkboard)
Mordecai and Rigby: Whoaaaaaa...
Answering Machine: Because of your excessive attempts, you have violated password law, and you are charged for trying to hack into someone's account.
Mordecai: What?! I didn't think that warning was real!
Answering Machine: Oh, it's very real!
Smoke Signal: Burn them! Burn them!
Answering Machine: Settle down, we're not going to burn them. Since when have we burned anybody? (Smoke Signal lets out a puff of smoke in dissapointment) We will erase them... from existence.
(Answering Machine takes out film from a tape in his mouth, and is ready to hit the "Erase" button on his body)
Mordecai and Rigby: What?!
(Meanwhile, Margaret is knocking at the door. Pops then answers)
Pops: Oh, Margaret, hello!
Margaret: Hey Pops! I came to pick up my phone.
Pops: Oh, so it was YOUR phone that Mordecai and Rigby got sucked into?
Margaret: Surrrrrrrre.... so, have you seen my phone?
Pops: Yes, come in, come in!
(The camera then focuses on Mordecai and Rigby, still trapped in the Virtual Messaging Control Center)
Mordecai and Rigby: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Mordecai: We can explain!
Answering Machine: Proceed with your message.
Mordecai: Okay, so I accidentally recorded this message on a girl, Margaret's phone.
Rigby: Yeah, and we were just trying to delete it before she heard it!
Spool of Thread: But why not let this person hear the message?
Rigby: Because HE'LL die of embarrassment!
Spool of Thread: Embarrassment?
Mordecai: Yeah, look. Margaret and I have a really complicated relationship.
Spool of Thread: Relationship?
Mordecai: Aw! We don't have time for this! Can you please delete the message?
(The scene goes back to Margaret and Pops)
Pops: It's over there!
Margaret: Thanks, Pops! (Margaret picks up the phone off the ground. Phone makes beep noise) Oh, hey. I have a message!
(Margaret goes for the "Open" command. Meanwhile back at the VMCC, Mordecai and Rigby hear a beeping noise)
Spool of Thread: Someone is accessing the voice mail system.
Mordecai: Oh no. Please, I'm begging you, please delete that message!
Telephone Operator: Input Password.
(Margaret punches in the password, showing that "DADDYS GIRL" was the correct password)
Rigby: Hm hm. Saw that one coming.
Answering Machine: Phone user!
Margaret: Uh, yes? Who is this?<
Answering Machine: We intercepted two frauds trying to access your voicemail without your permission.
Spool of Thread: The one who claims to have a complicated relationship with you.
Mordecai: Don't listen to them, Margaret!
Rigby: Yeah, these guys are crazy!
Margaret: Mordecai? Rigby? Wait, you tried to hack into my phone?!
Mordecai: It was an accident! We didn't know it was YOUR phone!
Margaret: Yeah, right!
Mordecai: Well, we did know, but...
Margaret: But what? I can't believe you would do something like that! I TOTALLY misjudged you!
Rigby: Dude, just come clean already.
Mordecai: Okay, look. So I sat on my phone, and accidentally-
Rigby: He called you with his butt! (Rigby grins)
Mordecai: Yeah. So I accidentally left you a voicemail with me singing this dumb song. (Mordecai is scratching his neck) It is really embarrassing. So we tried to erase it before you heard it.
Margaret: You what? I want to hear the message!
Mordecai: Wait, Margaret! Please!
Margaret: No, I want to hear it.
Answering Machine: Play the message!
Telephone Operator: New message.
Mordecai (in the message): A-hanging with Margaret just-a feels so good like I knew it would. Laughing together and-a having a blast. And I hope it lasts forever!
(Mordecai smacks his head)
Mordecai: Oh, please!
(The camera now goes back to Margaret and Pops. Pops has a shocked expression on his face since he is hearing this)
Mordecai (in the message): I can't believe how hot she is! Makes my insides feel like knotted twists! (Pops drops down to the ground, disgusted about what he heard. Going back to Mordecai and Rigby, Mordecai has his hands over his face. Rigby has a disgusted face) Her pretty face and those long, long legs. And I hope someday, we are more than just friends!
Rigby: Eugh! It's worse than I thought!
Mordecai: Shut up!
(Everybody of the VMCC is grooving to the message)
Mordecai (in the message): Oh, Margaret. Oh, Margaret. Do you remember last night when our hands touched? We were grabbing for the dice and you were laughing and such...
Spool of Thread: Not bad!
(Chalkboard writes "CATCHY")
Mordecai (in the message): Take one role, then take a chance on me. And maybe then you'll see how perfect we can be. Together you and me for all eternity!
(Mordecai is covering his ears)
Mordecai: Euugh! Could you please just erase me?
Mordecai (in the message): Okay. Maybe that's a long, long time. But a guy can dream, can't I?
(Margaret pauses the message, and laughs hysterically)
Margaret: Okay, stop! I heard enough! (Margaret laughs again) Like knotted twists?! (Margaret laughs) That's TOO good! (Margaret laughs)
Rigby: At least she doesn't hate you!
Answering Machine: Would you like us to erase these hackers now?
Margaret: Hmmm... nah. I think they learned their lesson!
Answering Machine: Very well. You're free to go. (a door with an "EXIT" sign comes out of the ground. Mordecai and Rigby smile looking at their way out, but then, the Answering Machine talks to them again. They then turn around at him) But you could stay if you'd like. We're thinking of forming a band!
Mordecai: Oh, yeah, we'll give you a call.
Answering Machine: Cool, just leave a message, and we'll get it. (Mordecai and Rigby leave) Oh wait. I didn't give them my number...
(Mordecai and Rigby drop on the ground out of the phone. They are grunting in pain.)
Pops: Hooray! Good show!
Rigby: Hey. HEY! We made it! Thanks, Margaret!
Margaret: No problem!
Mordecai: Yeah, thanks Margaret!
Margaret: Sure thing!
(There is a moment of silence. Rigby looks around with his eyes half closed.)
Rigby: Hey, Pops. I need to show you something in the other room. (He could possibly be making up an excuse so Mordecai and Margaret can talk in private)
Pops: Oooh! I love being shown things!
(The two leave the room)
Mordecai: So, heh.
Mordecai: So, you could go ahead and delete the message now.
Margaret: Oh, no! That song is WAY to good to lose!
Mordecai: What? Come on!
Margaret: No actually, I'm going to set it to be your personal ringtone.
Mordecai: You're kidding, right?
Margaret: Nope. That way I can hear you singing every time you call me. So you better call me!
(Margaret walks away)
Mordecai: Oh. Oh. Okay! I'll try to call you with my fingers next time, and not my butt! (Margaret slams the door) Rad.