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Caveman/Transcript

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(The episode starts off at the Park as the camera pans overview to Mordecai and Rigby walking to the park's cave, chanting excitedly.)

Mordecai: It's time for cave-party times, baby!

Rigby: Aw yea-yuh! Let's get this camp fire going!

(The scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby roasting marshmallows on the fire)

Mordecai: Dude, it's gonna burn. Dude seriously, it's gonna burn. You're gonna burn it.

Rigby: STOP IT!!!

Mordecai: You're burning it right now.

(The marshmallow catches on fire.)

Rigby: Aw, man!

Mordecai: Dude, I told you.

(Due to the fire, a block of ice nearby starts to melt. In the next scene, it shows Mordecai and Rigby partying, playing music, and drinking soda, while the block of ice continues to melt.)

Mordecai (continued): Dude, where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Rigby: Easy, I'm gonna be a stuntman.

Mordecai: (laughs) Dude, that's so lame. You'll probably still be working at the park.

Rigby: STOP TALKING!!!!!!

(In the next scene, the block of ice starts to melt and we can see a man's head on top of the block of ice while Mordecai and Rigby are playing video games.)

Rigby: Hey, Mordecai, ever think we should bring in another friend?

Mordecai: You mean, like a third person? I guess we keep our inner circle pretty small. But it's not like we're ever gonna find anybody cool enough for the park, so...

Rigby: Yeah.

(Mordecai and Rigby are in there sleeping bags.)

Mordecai: (Yawns) Good cave party dude.

(They both fall asleep the camera moves to the block of ice, which finally melts completely. A man opens his eyes walks towards Mordecai and drip of waters fell on Mordecai's face that wakes him up and look up.)

Mordecai: (screams) Rigby...wake up. Rigby! Rigby! Rigby, wake up!

(Rigby wakes up and sees the man and screams)

Mordecai: (whispers) Dude, just keep quiet!

(The man then comes out of the dark and grunts. Mordecai and Rigby scream and come out of their sleeping bags.)

Mordecai: STAY BACK!

(The man hits the radio and it turns on. He begins to dance.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa! Dancing caveman!

Mordecai: This guy is awesome!

(The caveman looks at Mordecai and Rigby.)

Mordecai: Dude, you're awesome!

(The caveman gives a thumbs up to Mordecai and Rigby.)

Mordecai: Looks it time to go from "Mordecai and Rigby" to "Mordecai, Rigby and Dancing Caveman".

Mordecai and Rigby: Third friend!

(Scene trasitions to the Snack Bar, where the caveman is chugging cheese.)

Mordecai and Rigby (continued): Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Whooooo!

(The caveman yells in the same accurate manner. He tries to activate the machine but nothing happens.)

Mordecai: Anyone who can chug that much cheese is cool in my book.

(The caveman grabs the machine and throws it out of the bar near two kids. They run off screaming. Benson arrives witnessing the scene.and grunts.)

Benson: Who is that?

Mordecai: He's our new friend. Dancing Caveman.

Benson: "Caveman"? No. No. No way. I'm not having a caveman at the park. We aren't insured for it.

Mordecai: What? That's not fair!

Rigby: Yeah, we can't just get rid of him!

Benson: A caveman cannot fit into this modern world.

(The caveman squeezes a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle into his mouth. He throws the bottles at Benson, who blocks them with the clipboard.)

Benson (continued): See?

Mordecai: But he's one of us now.

Benson: Really? What's his name?

Mordecai and Rigby: Uhhh....

Benson: Get rid of him!

Rigby: But he'll die out there all alone. Come on, Benson!

Mordecai and Rigby: Pleeeeease?

Caveman: Ben...sooon?

Benson: Fine. You have a week to get him civilised.

Mordecai and Rigby: Nice!

Mordecai: Thanks, Benson.

Benson: But if he isn't up to park standards in a week, I'm calling the pound!

(He walks offf.)

Mordecai: We're gonna need some help.

(Scene cuts to Pops' house, where Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Fives, Skips and Pops get the caveman to be civilised. They bring a chalkboard to the kitchen. He is taught Lauguage, Technology, Health & Hygiene, Laws, Music, and a bunch of other aspects of lifestyle. Later, while  everyone is talking, the caveman comes down the stairs, revealed to be in clothing.)

Skips: That is the most civilised caveman I have ever seen.

(The caveman laughs.)

Caveman: Please, call me Gregg.

(The guys are impressed as they walk to him.)

Pops: Good luck with the Benson test, my good man.

(Everyone but Mordecai and Rigby leave.)

Mordecai: Dude, this is perfect! Benson will totally let you stay.

Rigby: Pfft, yeah! He'll probably offer you a job.

Mordecai: Alright, let's go.

(They start to walk off.)

Gregg: Wait. Me know you work hard to help, but me not civilised.

Rigby: Huh?

Gregg: You forgot something.

(He goes to the chalkboard  and writes "love".)

Rigby: Love?

(Gregg nods.)

Gregg: Me submit that I can't be truly civilised until me find other half.

Mordecai: I don't know. Is there enough time to find it before our meeting with Benson?

Gregg: Certainly.

(Scene cuts to the park cave. Gregg leads Mordecai and Rigby through it, holding a flaming torch.)

Gregg (continued): Her name Diane.

(He bangs on the side.)

Gregg (continued): She frozen with my people.

(The three stop.)

Mordecai: How many of you were there?

(Gregg smashes a breakable wall, and they continue.)

Gregg: We were many.

(Gregg is standing before many blocks of ice with people concealed in them.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoaaaa.

(The three walk across them.)

Mordecai: How do we find her?

Gregg: It will be easy. She only cavewoman here. Her beauty sine like star.

(He stops at the sight of the mentioned cavewoman.)

Gregg (continued): There she is. My Diane.

Rigby: Are you sure you wanna do this? Her forehead looks pretty big.

(Mordecai punches him.)

Rigby (continued): Ow!

(Gregg holds the torch up, causing Diane's block of ice to start melting. Cut back to Pops' house.)

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