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This page is the transcript for "Cool Bikes".

[The episode begins with a montage of Mordecai and Rigby riding around in the golf cart and bringing it back to the garage damaged so Benson sees it the next day and gets mad. Then scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby walking to the garage.]

Mordecai: Ready for some more cartin'?

Rigby: You know it!

[Mordecai and Rigby gasp upon seeing bikes instead of the cart]

Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, what?

Rigby: Where's the cart?

[Benson walks up to them]

Benson: It's at the shop! After your little excursion yesterday, your cart privileges have officially been revoked!

Mordecai: But these bikes are for little kids!


Benson: Hey, you want to act like kids, this is what you get.

Rigby: But we're not going to look cool riding kids bikes around.

[Benson turns around]

Benson: What?! You want to know what's cool? Doing your job. Respecting park property. You're to work, not be cool!

Mordecai: Well, fine. It doesn't matter if we don't have the cart. We can be cool no matter what. I mean, with some matenince, and some new paint, these bikes will be so cool.

Rigby: Yeah! And then you'll have to admit that we're cool too.

Benson: Heh. Yeah right. The day I admit you're cool is the day I give you back the cart.

Mordecai: But we are cool.

Benson: No you're not.

Mordecai: Okay then, how about this, if you admit that we are cool, then you have to give us the cart back.

Benson: Sounds good to me, because it will never happen.

Rigby: You're wrong! You're all like, "that'll never happen."And then we'll get all cool, and then you will be like "Whoa!" and then we'll be like "In your face!"

Benson: [laughs] And I'll be all like-- (turns red) get back to work!! [walks off, mad]

Rigby: Dude, we can totally get Benson to admit we're cool.

Mordecai: Yeah dude.

[Mordecai and Rigby decorate their bikes with cushions and foil. They then ride up to Benson.]

Mordecai: Hey Benson, check out our cool new rides.

Rigby: Bet you think we're pretty cool huh.


Benson: What? How many times do I have to tell you two you are not cool! Now get back to work! Argh! [walks off]

Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost and two women pull up next to Mordecai and Rigby on the golf cart]

Woman: Muscle Man, what are those things?

Muscle Man: Those are losers, baby. You don't want nothin' to do with those.

[Golf cart does a burnout and drives away]

Muscle Man: Later grandmas!


Mordecai: Dude, it's time to do some shopping.

[Mordecai and Rigby go to 'Das Coolest' and buy clothes. Scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby standing by a fountain in their new clothes and bikes.]

Muscle Man: Hey dorkwads!

[Mordecai and Rigby turn, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost walk towards them]

Muscle Man: Huh? (in awe) Woah, you guys actually look kinda cool.
Rigby: That's unexpected!
Mordecai: Woah, thanks bro!

[[[Pops]] and Skips come into the scene, everyone murmurs in excitement. Benson walks up to them]

Benson: Hey, quit murmuring excitedly! These two are not cool.
Rigby: Dude, Benson, just admit it.
Benson: You'll never be cool no matter how many trendy clothes you wear.
Mordecai: You don't know how wrong you are.

[Mordecai and Rigby get on their bikes and ride away]

Benson: Get back to work, all of you! [mumbling] Argh, I can't believe they're carrying on with all this...
Skips: Come on Benson, you gotta' admit they do look pretty cool.
Benson: Yeah right. I don't have to admit anything.

[A montage of Mordecai and Rigby buying clothes from 'Das Coolest' and failing to impress Benson repeatedly plays. As Mordecai and Rigby bike up to Benson, they are surrounded by a crowd of people in awe]

Mordecai: Admit it, Benson.
Benson: No, you're not cool.

[Mordecai and Rigby put on basketball shoes from a bag with 'Das Coolest' on it]

Mordecai: How 'bout now, Benson?

Benson: No. When are you guys going to get it through your heads? Nothing you say or do will ever make me admit you're cool.
Mordecai: You know what, Benson? I just realised something. We don't care what you think.

[A white beam surrounds Mordecai and Rigby. The crowd gasp and murmur in awe. The beam dies and two men appear]

Man: Freeze, you're under arrest.
Mordecai: (exasperatedly) For what?
Man: For being too cool.

[Cuts to a flaming car driving towards a planet with a giant pair of shutter shades on. The scene changes to the two men shoving Mordecai and Rigby into beanbag chairs]

Men: Chill out!

[The men walk away. Mordecai and Rigby are shown to be in a courtroom with angry yelling people']

Mordecai: Dude, where are we?

[Gary sits down next to Mordecai and Rigby]

Gary: You're in intergalactic cool court, gentlemen. And it's quiet a mess you've gotten yourselves into.
Man: Everybody welcome Judge Broseph Chillaxton!

[Courtroom cheers as Judge Broseph Chillaxton comes out from behind red curtains]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Mordecai and Rigby, you are being tried for crimes against coolmanity. Opening statements.

[Prosecutor appears]

Prosecutor: Dig this, Your Honour. These cats have thrown off the balance of cool in the universe! [snaps and makes a blue grid appear] The concentration of cool is so dense at the park it will implode into a coolness singularity, a black hole in which no coolness can escape. [simluation of the black hole plays] These dudes [points at Mordecai and Rigby] are too cool! And they must be punished.

[Courtroom cheers]

Mordecai: Dude, this is crazy!
Rigby: Yeah, we just wanted to be cool enough for Benson to give back the cart!
Gary: Listen, just let me do the talking guys.
Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Defense, your statement.
Gary: Your Honour, my opponent is surely mistaken. One only needs to look at my clients to see they're just not that cool. We plead not cool and ask that the charges be dropped.

[Courtroom boos]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Very well, you may call your first witness.
Gary: I would like to call Muscle Man to the stand!

[Muscle Man appears in witness' stand with Hi Five Ghost behind him]

Muscle Man: Wh-wh-where am I?

[Gary walks up to Muscle Man]

Gary: Muscle Man, where were you the morning of March 18?
Muscle Man: [laughs] I passed those dweebs on their lame bikes.
Gary: Would you say they looked cool?
Muscle Man: [laughs] No way! They looked like losers.

Gary: Yes precisely, uncool losers! Prosecutor your witness.

[Gary sits down and prosecutor stands up]

Prosecutor: Uh, Mr. Man, where were you only a few days later?
Muscle Man: I don't have to answer that.

Prosecutor: Permission to treat this cat as hostile?

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: I'm cool with that.

[Prosecutor walks up to Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost and raises his fist. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost flinch]

Muscle Man: (sweating profusely) I saw them again and admitted they looked pretty cool.
Prosecutor: Ma-ha-han, teleport this fool outta here.

[Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost disappear from the witness' stand]

Gary: Yikes.

[Scene changes to the employee from 'Das Coolest' in the witness' stand with Gary standing in front of him]

Das Coolest Employee: Yeah, those dudes are the most uncool dudes ever. At least, that's what I would've said before those dudes beceame the coolest dudes ever. (becoming excited) They brought tons of business into my store. I've got numerical evidence [pulls out money] right here! Check it out, son!

[Courtroom gasps]

Gary: Uh, no further questions. [walks away]

[Mordecai and Rigby walk up to the witness' stand. Prosecutor holds out a stack of CDs]

Prosecutor: Please place your hands on this stack of rare Brain Explosion 45s.

[Mordecai and Rigby put their hands on the stack]

Prosecutor: Now do you cats swear?
Mordecai and Rigby: [puts their other hands up] We swear.
Prosecutor: They swear! Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing cooler than that!

[Courtroom murmurs in agreement]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Dude, nice.
Prosecutor: Thanks, Your Honor!

[Judge Broseph Chillaxton and Prosecutor fist bump]

Rigby: Dude, Gary!
Gary: Objection!

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Overruled!

Prosecutor: Overruled, judge, or is it overcooled?

[Guitar appears and prosecutor plays a riff]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: (to the court stenographer) Can you read that back to me?

Court Stenographer: Overruled, judge, or is it overcooled? [repeats riff with mouth]

Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen in the audience, take a look at yourselves, go ahead, look. Ironic t-shirts, hat stacking, mesh gloves? These cats started all that! Trend setters can make even the uncoolest things cool. Check exhibit A.

[Mordecai and Rigby's bikes appear, courtroom gasps]

Prosecutor: Yes, these bikes are lame, but I ask you, how did you all get to court today?

[Courtroom gasps as a shot of their bikes appears]

Prosecutor: The prosecution rests.

[Mordecai an Rigby are teleported back to their seats]

Gary: Well I'm out of ideas. You know anybody who really thinks you guys are uncool?

[Mordecai and Rigby think and then gasp]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: In light of this new evidence and the fact that the prosecution's testimony was pretty awesome, I am prepared to make a ruling.

Gary: Your Honour, I have a surprise witness.

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Huh?

Prosecutor: Objection! Surprise witness' are uncool.

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Just roll with it, bruh. I'll allow it.

Gary: I would like to call Benson to the stand.

[Benson appears in witness' stand looking confused]

Benson: Huh? Wha? Oh, it's you two. What have you gotten yourselves into now?

Gary: Benson, having known the defendants longer than any other witness, you're in a special position to judge the coolness of my clients, are you not?

Benson: Yeah? I guess?

Rigby: I hope this works.

Mordecai: Dude, he'll never admit it. We're home free!

Gary: Benson, are Mordecai and Rigby cool?

Benson: [laughs] Are those guys cool? [laughs again]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Benson, this is no joke dude. The fate of the universe hangs in the balance. Answer the question and remember, lying under oath is not cool.

[Benson begins to sweat nervously]

Benson: (defeatedly) Mordecai and Rigby... are the coolest guys I know.

[Everyone gasps]

Mordecai: Oh no.

[Judge Broseph Chillaxton pounds his gavel on a sound block twice]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Members of the court, the testimony given to us has proven quite clearly that the defendants are guilty of being too cool. The sentence: death.

[Everyone gasps]

Benson: What!?

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Take then away.

[Men from before appear and begin to handcuff Mordecai and Rigby]

Rigby: (whimpering) Please..!


Mordecai: (whimpering) No!

[A gavel and a Brain Explosion 45 suddenly hit the men. Pans to Benson constricting Judge Broseph Chillaxton]

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!


Benson: Get on the bikes, now!

[Mordecai and Rigby get onto the bikes. Benson lets go of Judge Broseph Chillaxton and jumps onto Rigby's bike]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Not cool, bro!
Benson: Go!

[Mordecai and Rigby pedal away]

Judge Broseph Chillaxton: Stop them!

[Mordecai, Rigby and Benson pedal around hallways being chased by men until they find the exit. Outside, there is a teleporter with a man standing beside it.]

Man: Freeze!

[Benson throws a pair of ice cubes dangling from a Lady Justice at the man and board the teleporter shortly before two men appear]

Man 1: They're getting away!

Man 2: Stop!

Mordecai: Court is adjourned, losers.

[Mordecai and Rigby throw their bikes into a satellite dish. The planet explodes as a flaming car drives away. Mordecai, Rigby and Benson then appear in the park.]

Rigby: Woohoo, we did it!


Mordecai: Dude, Benson, that was so cool of you to help us escape like that.

Rigby: Yeah, so cool man!

Benson: [laughs] Thanks guys, coming from you that means a lot.

Mordecai: Heyhey, so you admitted we're cool. You're gonna give us the cart back now, right?

Benson: [laughs] No.


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