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Country Club/Transcript

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(The episode opens with Mordecai and Rigby gardening in the Park)

Rigby: H-h-h...

Mordecai: What?

Rigby: (Looking at a $100 bill on the ground) H-h-hundred dollar bill... (Tries to grab it but it suddenly moves away) What the? (Starts to run after it)

Mordecai: (Driving the Golf Cart) Get in!

(Rigby gets into the Golf Cart and they drive toward the $100 bill. Rigby grabs it but it gets away again and goes behind the Country Club gates and reveals that a man, the Country Club Leader, had the $100 bill tied to a fishing hook)

Rigby: Aw man! It's those Country Club jerks!

Roger: (Laughs) They totally fell for it.

Country Club Leader: Ah, that's rich.

Male Member 2: Kinda like us! (The group laugh again)

Rigby: You think it's funny to do that to people?

Mordecai: Let's see how you like it!

(Mordecai grabs the Cart and starts to spray dirt into the Country Club with it)

Rigby: Hm, hm, hm, hm!

Female Member 1: Ah, stop! Security!

(Four men suddenly rush out, lift up the Golf Cart knocking Mordecai out of it, and they take the Cart into the Country Club)

Mordecai: Hey, what are you doing? You can't take our Golf Cart!

Female Member 2: Here in the Country Club, we can do whatever we want.

Roger: That's right babe. (Kisses her and they both drink)

Rigby: Give us back our Cart!

Country Club Leader: I'd rather not. You know why? Because, we are going to destroy it tonight at our annual Summer Solstice event! (Looks over at the Female Member 1) What do you think dear?

Female Member 1: Oh, I think it's a marvelous idea! (They kiss and drink their drinks) Now, what're you all say we leave this side-show and get some d'orderves? (She and the rest of the group agree and they all leave)

Mordecai: Man, forget this, I'm going to get the Cart.

(Mordecai and Rigby climb over the gate but the alarm goes off and two security guards start charging toward them)

Mordecai and Rigby: Woah! Woah! Woah! (They get tossed out)

Rigby: Man...Benson's gonna kill us when he finds out the Cart is missing

Mordecai: He's not gonna find out.

(Clock transition to Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, Skips, Thomas, and Pops near the Snack Bar)

Mordecai: Guys, we need your help!

Pops: What's the matter?

Rigby: You guys have to promise not to tell Benson. The Golf Cart just got confiscated by the Country Club and we need your guys help to get it back. (The group just stares at them blankly and they go back to what they were doing, except Thomas) What's the matter? Didn't you guys hear us?

Muscle Man: Yeah, we heard you bro. But I'm not going anywhere near that Country Club!

Mordecai: What? Why?

Muscle Man: A couple of years ago, they confiscated a meat locker I had outside of my trailer.

High Five Ghost: They also stole my four-wheeler.

Pops: My prized orchid!

Thomas: Wait...there's a Country Club?-- 

Skips: I've had to replace thirty dream catchers 'cause of those guys. With the amount of money they have, they're unstoppable. So, stay away from 'em!

Mordecai: Come on guys, we can't do it without you!

Skips: Sorry, no can do.

Mordecai: Yeah, well, we don't have much of a choice. If we don't get the Cart back, then Benson is gonna kill us!

(The group looks on silently)

Rigby: Alright, fine! We'll go on it ourselves. But can you guys at least make sure Benson doesn't find out about the Cart before we get back?

Skips: Yeah...we can do that.

(Clock transition back to the Country Club)

Mordecai: Remember, we got blend in. (He and Rigby enter the Country Club near some men) Am I right?

Rigby: Ace!

(The three men see them and are confused but shrug it off)

(The two walk toward a building)

Mordecai: Let's start in here. 

(They enter the building and look around. A live orchestra is playing on a high row with a conductor.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Woah!

Country Club Members: (To one set of Country Club members) (Laughing) Cheers! (To another group of members) (laughing) Cheers!

Mordecai and Rigby: (Pretending to drink) Cheers! (The two head further out)

Rigby: This place is crazy! (He and Mordecai walk up to a lone toilet in a large room) Is this the restroom?

Mordecai: Weird...let's keep going. (He and Rigby walk past some doors into a room full of toilets) What the? (Looks around at the toilets) What's with all the toilets?

(Mordecai and Rigby notice the door handle shaking and two security guards enter the room. Mordecai and Rigby are seen hiding behind some toilets)

Security Guard 1: Did you hear something? (Points in Mordecai and Rigby's direction)

Security Guard 2: (Nods) Maybe it was your imagination.

Security Guard 1: Yah, I always make my imagination get the best of me. 

(The two Security Guards pretend to walk away and close the door. Mordecai and Rigby sign in relief but they are suddenly gagged by the two Guards. The scene changes back to the Snack Bar)

Benson: (Pacing around) Okay, I'm tired of asking questions! So, now you're going to tell me what is going on! Thomas, I know you know.

Thomas: (Confused) Huh? What?

Benson: I SUGGEST YOU SPILL IT!

Skips: Alright, everybody settle down.

Benson: Well, look who decided to chime in.

Skips: Okay, I'm gonna tell you what's going on, but you're not gonna like it...

(Camera zooms out)

Benson: WHAT?!?!

(Crows fly away and the scene changes back to the Country Club with Mordecai and Rigby tied down)

Mordecai and Rigby: Huh? What?

(The scene views over to piles of burning toilets and the rest of the Country Club members. The Leader then approaches Mordecai and Rigby)

Country Club Leader: Well, well, well, everyone! Please join me in welcoming our honored guests! (He and the other members clap and cheer for them)

Mordecai: Let us go!

Rigby: Yeah, and give us our Cart back!

Country Club Leader: Oh, you'll be seeing your old Cart soon enough. But not before we make a few "improvements."

Mordecai: What do you mean "improvements"?

Country Club Leader: We'll be turning it...into a toilet! (The other members cheer) Bring out the Toilet Making Machine!

(A large machine is suddenly brought out)

Rigby: You have a machine that turns things into toilets?

Country Club Leader: Yeah...I wouldn't expect you to understand. You're not rich!

Female Member 1: Not at all.

Country Club Member: Good one pumpkin-cheecks! (Kisses her) But if you were, you know that the only thing that matters in life is turning other people's things into toilets!

Mordecai: What? That doesn't even make any sense!

Rigby: Yeah! And you already have a ton of toilets, why do you need to turn our Golf Cart into one?

Country Club Leader: Because this is a special occasion, we're gonna shoot into outer space. It's the "richest" way to celebrate the Summer Solstice.

(Three men are seen underwater and they activate a ramp and a rocket that points up at the sky. Mordecai and Rigby are knocked out by two of the Security Guards and their mouths are tapped up)

Roger: Hey, why don't we turn them into toilets and shoot them into space!

Country Club Leader: Excellent idea, Roger! Now, bring out the cart and start the machine! (Two Security Guards bring out the Golf Cart and places it into one part of the Toilet Making Machine. The Country Club Leader laughs evily as he turns on the machine and the Golf Cart starts to move) Yes...

(Mordecai and Rigby watch in horror as the Golf Cart is about to be turned into a toilet. The scene shifts over to two Guards near the gate)

Gate Guard: Did you get your wife anything for the Solstice? (The second Gate Guard just looks at him annoyingly and the two spot something) Stop! This is invite-only!

(The two Gate Guards jump out of the way and it turns out to be Benson, Skips, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, Pops, and Thomas all arriving)

Country Club Leader: WHAT?!

Benson: (Gets out of the car) Why didn't you tell me the Country Club stole the Cart?! (Mordecai and Rigby obviously say "Benson!" but their voices are muffled due to their mouths still being tapped up) These guys has been taking our stuff LONG enough!

Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, Skips, and Pops: Yeah!

Benson: Well, not this time, not everyone can just buy another boom-box when theirs get stolen you know! Some of us have to work really hard to replace our boom-boxes! So, I think it's time we take back what's ours!

Country Club Leader: That may be a little difficult. Seeing how your not rich! (Takes out a gun and all of the rest of the Country Club members scream and run away. He then raises the gun up high) Call in the Calvary!

(The Country Club Leader fires the gun and a bunch of jockies on horses begin rushing toward the group. Thomas rips off the tape on Mordecai and Rigby as Muscle Man uses bolt cutters to cut away at the rope. The Jockies begin to get closer)

Mordecai: Look out!

(Muscle Man is running away, but is caught up and gets knocked over by a Jockey. The Golf Cart is shown to be reaching closer to the lasers of the Toilet Making Machine)

Mordecai: Let's get the Cart! (He and Rigby run closer to the Toliet Making Machine but they are stopped by the Country Club Leader) Shouldn't have messed with us man! (Punches the Country Club Leader but it doesn't seem to affect him)

Rigby: Let me handle this, in your face! (Punches the Country Club Leader but it still doesn't affect him)

Country Club Leader: (Laughs) I had sixty-sevenface lifts. I can't feel a thing! (Grabs Mordecai and Rigby by their faces) And I had tiger tendents implanted in my hands, so I can mess with whoever I please! (Throws them down)

(Camera shifts over to Benson and the others fighting the Jockies)

Benson: (Grabs one of the Jockey's sticks) Hey, watch it! He's just an intern!

Jockey: Intern THIS buddy! (Kicks Benson in the face)

(Muscle Man and High Five Ghost are overpowered by the Jockies and Pops is seen running from one. Skips comes out of nowhere and punches the Jockey in the face, runs over to a water pipe and begins to spray away some Jockies into the nearby lake. The Submarine Divers emerge from the lake)

Submarine Diver: Disable the water cannon.

(Some Submarine Divers are sprayed away by Skips but some of them manage to tackle him down. Benson is punched down by a Jockey but manages to punch him back. Pops is seen fist-fighting a man, both shirtless, while Muscle Man and Thomas are suddenly attacked by tennis balls)

Muscle Man: Where's it coming from? (Notices a tennis player high on the roof firing tennis balls at them) We gotta take control of the tower!

(Muscle Man runs forward and blocks an incoming tennis ball. The tennis ball heads through the Toilet Making Machine's lasers and is turned into a mini toilet. Mordecai and Rigby are seen still fighting the Country Club Leader and Rigby climbs into the machine grabbing onto the Golf Cart)

Country Club Leader: You're ruining the Solstice! (Not affected by Mordecai's punches) The Cart will go through! (Tosses Rigby backwards but Mordecai grabs onto the cart) STOP! STOP IT! (Tosses Mordecai down)

(Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, and Thomas are seen heading toward the house with the tennis player shooting tennis balls is on. They start climbing up but the tennis player attempts to shoot tennis balls at them)

Muscle Man: Thomas, don't let the balls hit you! (Thomas is hit by a tennis ball and lands hard on the ground)' THOMAS!

(The camera views over to Pops being overpowered by the man and Benson still wrestling with the Jockey. Skips is trying to fight away the Submarine Divers and the Golf Cart is shown to inch closer to the lasers. Mordecai and Rigby kick the Country Club Leader down and they start to push the Cart back in the opposite direction. The Country Club Leader then takes them down and Mordecai spots a nearby walkie-talkie and presses it with his hand)

Mordecai: Muscle Man, you gotta stall the machine!

Muscle Man: I'm on it! (Takes off his shirt and tosses it at the tennis player)

Tennis Player: Argh, it smells like barf! (Falls off the roof screaming)

High Five Ghost: There, shoot it!

(Muscle Man fires a tennis ball at one of the Submarine Diver's oxygen tanks which causes him to fly around and hit the satelitte of the Toilet Making Machine. The Golf Cart stops in it's tracks)

Mordecai and Rigby: NOW! (They move out of the way)

Country Club Leader: Hey! (The Golf Cart lands on him)

Muscle Man: Yes!

(Mordecai and Rigby begin to drive the Cart out of the machine)

Country Club Leader: No, you can't stop the machine! Do you have any idea how much this thing costs?! (Charges toward them)

Mordecai: Well then I hope you get your money's worth. (Drives the Cart foward which causes the Country Club Leader to go through the lasers and he is turned into a toilet)

Country Club Leader: No! (Lands into the rocket and is blasted off into space) NO! NO! NOOOOOO!!!

(Scene changes over back to the Country Club with a bunch of the members being arrested. The park members recover their toilet-transformed stuff. Pops is also seen putting a toilet-like object on the car)

High Five Ghost: I wonder if I can still ride this four-wheeler?

Muscle Man: I don't know, but I'm definitely gonna keep using this meat locker. (opens the meat locker of his toilet. The camera shifts over to Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, and Skips)

Mordecai: Thanks again for coming back and helping us guys.

Benson: (Holding his boom-box toilet) Well, you know I'm proud of you two. You had the guts to stand up to these people and take back what's ours.

Skips: (Holding a dreamcatcher toilet) Yeah, seriously. Now I can finally catch up on my dream-catchin'.

Rigby: (He and Mordecai look up at the sky) So, you think that guy will be able to survive up in space?

Mordecai: Probably, he's rich! (He and Rigby laugh, then sigh, as the Country Club Leader, still in toilet form, is seen drifting through space)

(End of "Country Club")

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