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|Season 3, Episode 33|
|Premiere date:|| July 23, 2012 (USA)
February 25, 2013 (UK)
|Directed by:||Mike Roth|
"The Best VHS in the World"
"Diary" is the thirty-third episode in Season 3 (and seventy-third episode overall) of Regular Show. It first aired on July 23, 2012.
Mordecai and Rigby must fix a broken lock on Margaret's diary before she returns from vacation.
Mordecai and Rigby are heading to Margaret's new apartment in a tall building to water her plants while she is away on a weekend trip with her parents. While they are looking for a watering can, Rigby takes a hat hanging from Margaret's bedroom door and wears it to imitate Margaret and to make fun of Mordecai, triggering a fight. During the scuffle, they knock Margaret's diary off of a bookshelf and break the lock. Fearing that the diary's current condition implies that he read through it, Mordecai begins trying to fix it. Rigby gets some glue and while trying to apply it, Rigby puts too much glue on her diary (saying Mordecai made him nervous with his constant emphasis to not put too much on it). Mordecai looks at the container and sees it will come off with heat, so Rigby suggests putting the diary in the microwave oven. When Rigby is about to push start, Mordecai remembers a past incident involving a microwave, and rejects using it.
They then decide to put it in the grill on the patio, which caused her diary to catch on fire, so the two decide to extinguish the fire by putting it in the toilet, which works. They then go to Skips for advice who claims that there is a method of using magic to make an exact replica of Margaret's Diary out of another notebook. Skips claims that they must close their eyes during the entire time to not look at the secrets. Rigby opened his eyes on purpose. Then a giant monster known as The Guardian of Margaret's Secrets comes in and Skips announces the only way to defeat it is by telling their true deep secrets. Skips tells his secret that the reason he always skips is to remind him of the time he enjoyed with a woman that he loved and therefore never walks. The Guardian of Margaret's Secrets accept Skips' secret but continues to destroy Margaret's home while Mordecai and Rigby keep telling secrets that aren't deep enough. Finally, Mordecai states that he took away a mail-delivery mattress that was Rigby's and stacked it on his own to be comfortable (explaining why Rigby "didn't have" and "a bed in the past"). Rigby also states that he thinks Eileen is hot without her glasses. After this, The Guardian of Margaret's Secrets disappears and all the destruction, including that to Margaret's Diary, has been erased. Mordecai tells Rigby "So Eileen huh"? Rigby yells at him "STOP TALKING"!
The next day, Mordecai and Rigby arrive at The Coffee Shop. Margaret claimed that Eileen stayed at Margaret's the entire weekend to water the plants. Eileen comes out with coffee without her glasses (revealing that she has very small, and squinted eyes). But because of poor eyesight without her glasses, she bumps into a table and spills coffee. It is unknown what happened next.
- Mordecai has a flashback of him putting multiple clocks in the microwave and killing Rigby in a reference the events of It's Time.