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Benson: Ugh, finally! Could you close the door, please?
Rigby: Yeah, close the door!
Mordecai: (pushes Rigby) Just sit down! (closes door and goes to sit down as Benson begins to speak)
Benson: As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. (flips page on easel to reveal the words "Pops' Birthday) I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but, nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet?
Muscle Man: No.
Benson: Why am I not surprised? (pulls cap off of the marker) Ideas? Anybody?
Muscle Man: How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills?
Benson: That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else?
Skips: How about we get him some new gardening tools?
Benson: Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time.
Mordecai: What about some horseback riding lessons?
Benson: Please tell me you're joking.
Mordecai: Well, no. Isn't he into that?
Benson: Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year.
Mordecai: Don't "psht" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything!
Rigby: Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year!
Pops: (from outside, knocking on door) Hello? May I please enter?
Benson: Just a second! (flips page on easel back onto the blank sheet) Okay. You can come in now.
Pops: (opens door) Ooh! What's everybody doing in here?
Benson: Oh, hey Pops. We were just, uh... going over the schedule.
Muscle Man: No! (to Pops) We were talking about how no one knows what to get you for your birthday.
Benson: Muscle Man, what are you doing?!
Muscle Man: I'm saying what's on my mind, bro. I'm just real like that.
Pops: You want to know what to get me for my birthday? Well, that's quite simple.
Benson: What is it, Pops?
Pops: A pair of fuzzy dice from the Fun Fun Zone.
Rigby: Fuzzy dice?
Pops: Yes! They're so much fun! (sadly) But alas, the only way to get them is to win a million tickets. I'm afraid I'm not very good at throwing Skeeze Ballz. (He walks away.)
Benson: Well, fuzzy dice it is.
Rigby: Yeah, but I'm not going to the Fun Fun Zone.
Mordecai: Yeah, me neither. I can't stand that place. All those nasty kids...
Muscle Man: Yeah, and talk about sub-standard pizza.
Rigby: And what about that annoying animatronic band? (Everyone agrees with him.)
Benson: Alright, alright. Look, I don't like the Fun Fun Zone any more than you do. (close up of face) But if Pops wants those fuzzy dice, then we're gonna get him those fuzzy dice!
(cut to a bird's eye view of the Fun Fun Zone, accompanied by a sound of an explosion. On the inside, the groundskeepers, minus Pops, enter, and look at all the bad stuff about it: the animatronic band, "Dance Like a Loser 3," the pizza, the kids laughing, two kids slapping a third kid with pizza while atop a car statue, and two kids passed out on top of an ice cream stand)
Benson: Let's get this over with.
(The groundskeepers attempt to walk on in, but are stopped by a female employee.)
Employee: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Excuse me! Where do you think you're going?
Mordecai: We're just here to get some fuzzy dice.
Employee: I'm sorry, but you must accompany at least one child to enter.
Mordecai: Aw, come on! We'll just buy the dice and leave.
Employee: Oh, I can't bend the rules for you, sir. Because it just wouldn't be a "Fun Fun Zone" without fun fun rules.
(cut to the exterior of the Fun Fun Zone. The groundskeepers are walking out)
Muscle Man: Man, how are we supposed to get this stupid dice now?
Skips: I think I have an idea.
(clock transition to the interior of the Fun Fun Zone. With Rigby hidden, the groundskeepers try to get in again, but the employee tries to stop them)
Employee: Hey, I already told you that you need a kid to get in! (The groundskeepers walk to the side to reveal Rigby dressed in a backward-facing hat, sweatshirt, pouch and sneakers. There is silence for a few seconds, then, Mordecai punches Rigby)
Rigby: What's up, man? (repeatedly zips and unzips pouch, while saying "LOL!" in sync with the zipping).
Employee: (suspiciously) Hmm... (perks up) Okay! Go on in, folks! (unhooks velvet rope) Have a great time!
(The groundskeepers walk into the main Fun Fun Zone as electro-music starts playing. While walking in, Benson steps on a slice of pizza)
Benson: Ugh! (gets pushed by kids) Hey!
Mordecai: Let's just find the dice and get out of here.
(The groundskeepers go over to a prize center, run by a man named Diego Montez.)
Diego Montez: May I help you?
Benson: Yeah, hi. We'd like a pair of fuzzy dice, please.
Diego Montez: That'll be one million tickets.
Benson: (sarcastically laughs) No. (pulls out wallet) We're actually gonna be paying with cash. (pulls out dollar bill) How much is that gonna be? Ten, fifteen bucks?
Diego Montez: One million tickets, sir. If you like, all of our price listings for our items are on the wall.
Muscle Man: Well, can we just buy the tickets?
Diego Montez: Tickets are a penny each. (The groundskeepers all groan.)
Rigby: Nice, what's that, like, ten bucks?
Mordecai: Dude, it's not ten bucks. It's ten thousand dollars.
Rigby: Wow, really?
Benson: (turns to the other groundskeepers) Alright, bad news, everybody. We're gonna to have to win some tickets if we're gonna get those dice.
Skips: Uh, yeah, we were right here the whole time.
Muscle Man: It's go time!
(Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Hi Five Ghost, Muscle Man and Skips all six-way high-five as we clock transition to a montage of the gang playing the games. First, Rigby plays air hockey. He beats three kids: one in a blue shirt, one in a blue sweatshirt, and another in braces, the last of which cries as Rigby dances while the tickets print out of the slot. Next, Mordecai is seen playing Skeeze Ballz. We're given trippy imagery of another Mordecai being added every time he rolls the ball into the hole in the center, up to three Mordecais. After that, we see a shot of a Skeeze Ball being rolled up the ramp, and turning into a token that gets entered into a slot when the ball goes airborne. Then, we see Skips playing a game called "T-Nuggets." Skips smashes the nuggets with a mallet every time one comes up, eventually smashing the machine with it. Then, we see Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost playing Dance Like a Loser 3. When they start, they dance [though Hi Five Ghost uses his hands] as the image goes into a grid view that eventually turns into six views of Muscle Man & Hi Five Ghost playing. Finally, we have a shot of the animatronic band followed by a shot of the groundskeepers doing another six-way high-five under the words "Fuzzy Dice." When the montage ends in a clock transition, we find that they have, so far, earned 980,000 tickets)
Benson: Alright, guys, I got some bad news. We're 20,000 tickets short of the fuzzy dice. And what's worse, is that we only have one token left. But I've noticed one game that gives out more tickets than all the others.
(cut to the Skeeze Ballz game. Dramatic music plays as we pan up to the name)
Benson: Skeeze Ballz. This will have to be a team effort. (points out the timer and the balls) The faster we go, the more chances to throw the balls we get. So I want everyone to line up, and when the balls drop-- (M&R laugh at the sexual innuendo. Benson facepalms.) Ugh... when the game starts, you throw, and get back in line. (close up of face) Now let's roll!
(Benson inserts a token, and the game starts. He throws the ball up the ramp, followed by Rigby, and Mordecai, who score 3,000, 5,000 and 5,000, respectively. Skips then throws his ball, followed by Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost, who score higher scores of 10,000 and 15,000. The timer shows that there are five seconds left)
(Rigby takes another throw, but the ball bounces away. There's three seconds left, and 990,000 points scored)
Benson: Come on, Mordecai, sink it!
(Mordecai rolls the ball up the ramp with two seconds left on the clock. The ball dangles on a 10,000 hole as the others gasp. The ball then falls in, totaling one million, with no time to spare. The groundskeepers celebrate as the tickets start printing. Twenty minutes later, the tickets are still printing as the groundskeepers look on, bored. When the tickets stop printing, we cut to the prize booth)
Benson: (drops tickets on stand) One million tickets.
Diego Montez: What would you like?
Benson: We'll take the fuzzy dice. (the groundskeepers cheer as Diego grabs a pole with a hook) For Pops. (Diego removes the lid with the hook, and grabs the dice, then, gives them to Benson) Yeah! We did it! Now, we can give these to Pops.
(Having somehow come off the stage, along with the other animatronic band members, the bear robot grabs the dice out of Benson's hand)
Bear Robot: Sorry, but you ain't giving nothing to nobody.
(the groundskeepers question the animatronics' actions. Then, the bear pulls out a remote, extends the antenna and presses the button, causing a car to fall from the ceiling after the support explodes)
Mordecai: Aw, what?! (the animatronics get in the car and drive off the stage and through the wall of the Fun Fun Zone as the groundskeepers watch) Let's get 'em!
Muscle Man: WHOOO!
(The groundskeepers run into the golf cart and drive into the street, crossing right in front of another car. The animatronics continue to drive on, cutting in front of cars and running red lights. The bear robot looks through the rear view mirror, seeing the golf cart. The chase continues onto a bridge as the animatronic named Louie looks back at the cart, then, picks up a drum and throws it at the cart. They dodge it as the drum explodes on the road)
Mordecai: Give us back the dice! (rams side of cart into the band's car twice)
Muscle Man: Give us...the...dice! (jumps off of cart, onto the band's car. Louie punches Muscle Man in the jaw. Weakly, he tries to reach for the dice, but is elbowed by the duck robot)
Duck Robot: Back off, creep!
(the bear robot opens the door as he is still driving, leaving Muscle Man dangling inches above the road. He squeals. Then, we get a bird's eye view of the bridge. A truck is approaching both vehicles. Muscle Man screams on the sight of it. Just as he is about to be hit, Skips yanks him off the door, letting the truck pass between the two vehicles. Back in the band's car, the bear robot laughs looking at the dice as he heads to a dock)
Benson: They're getting away!
(Mordecai grabs the gear and resumes driving)
Rigby: Through there!
(Mordecai drives to the dock the band are at. On the dock, the band continue their getaway. The bear robot is having trouble with the brake)
Duck Robot: Stop the car!
Bear Robot: I'm trying! (looks ahead and sees a pile of barrels. The robot avoids the pile, but rams the car into a streetlight. The car then bursts into flames. They are unconscious for a moment. Louie sees that his cheek has been destroyed. The bear robot wakes up and grabs the dice) Go, go, go! (the robots waddle away from the burning car, but seconds later, it explodes. The groundskeepers see the explosion)
Rigby: What was that?!
(They continue to drive to the dock. When they see the band, the cart stops, and the groundskeepers all jump out of the cart.)
Mordecai: Give us back our dice! We won them fair and square!
Bear Robot: There's no way you're getting these dice. (points away) Now get out of the way before somebody gets hurt!
Benson: What could you possibly want with fuzzy dice?
Louie: Well, ten years ago, we knocked over Big City Jewelers, and made off with millions worth of uncut diamonds. (points to dice) Those diamonds are in those dice.
Bear Robot: (slaps Louie) Shut up, Louie!
Benson: I remember reading about that! That was you?
Bear Robot: Yeah, that's right. We've been laying low for ten long years waiting for the statute of limitations on grand theft larceny to run out. And it was supposed to end tonight at midnight.
Duck Robot: Mm-hmm. Until you clowns came along and ruined everything!
Rigby: Can't we just have the dice without the diamonds?
Bear Robot: It's too late. And you know too much.
Duck Robot: Mm-hmm.
(Muscle Man leaps for the dice and yanks them out of the bear robot's hands)
Bear Robot: Hey, give that back! (Muscle Man throws the dice to Skips, who throws it past the band, and to Rigby, who was running to catch them) Alright! No more games! (reaches into jacket)
Rigby: No, don't! (a light shines onto the bear robot)
FBI Agent: This is the FBI. You're surrounded! (we get a view of the FBI helicopter, vehicles and agents) Get on the ground, now!
Pilot: (as agent packs heat with a sniper, laying on ground) Targets are considered hostile, repeat, targets are considered hostile. (loads up)
Gunsman: (crosshair view) Copy that, red leader.
Louie: Uh, what do we do, boss?
Bear Robot: We do what we were made to do: show these folks a fun time.
Duck Robot: Hm. Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing. (Louie whimpers)
Bear Robot: Well then, I guess it's showtime! (pulls out gun)
FBI Agent: Gun! (the FBI shoots the bear robot down. Rigby runs to the cart while being chased by the bullets of the duck robot's gun)
Duck Robot: Eat lead, sucker!
(the gunsmen shoot the duck robot, causing her to fall of the dock and into a boat. Louie fires at the gunsmen, but not one bullet hits him at first. Then, a man launches a rocket at Louie, which finally hits him. Louie then blows up, along with the rocket. A gunsman sees a pole on the ground. The bear robot, having survived his shots, picks up the pole and lets out a war cry as the groundskeepers watch in horror. The gunsmen then fire several more shots until a man with a mini gun comes out firing, the bullets falling as he shoots the robot. The machine gun bullets finally knock him into a boat. His head knocks a gear, which causes the boat to go across the ocean as the searchlight of a helicopter watches from above)
Pilot: Smoke 'em.
(A man carrying a rocket launcher fires at the boat, which hits and destroys the boat. The groundskeepers watch in shock, then, jump into the air and high-five into a freeze-frame. We then show a closing montage set to the song "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds)
Text: Benson and the guys got the fuzzy dice after the FBI retrieved the uncut diamonds from them. The whereabouts of the Capicola Gang are currently unknown. Though there have been sightings reported all across the lower 48. Diego Montez quit his job at the Fun Fun Zone 3 1/2 weeks later...and became a multi-millionaire after patenting his ergonomic reaching hook. Pops received the fuzzy dice for his birthday and loved them. So did Muscle Man. ...A little too much.
(Montage ends as we cut to black. End of "Fuzzy Dice")