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Gut Model/Transcript

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(The episode starts with Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost approaching Mordecai, Rigby, Pops and Skips.

Muscle Man: Good, you're all here. As you probably already know, today marks five years I've worked at the park. So in honor of me, we're eating at Fry it Up at 8:00!

Mordecai: Oh, no can do, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: What? Why not?

Rigby: We already made plans with Margaret and Eileen.

Muscle Man: Pssh, your loss, bro. While you're striking out with some chicks, we'll be scoring some wings! And some chicks! Am I right, Skips?

Skips: Sorry, I can't either. I'm bowling with Pops and Benson.

Pops: Lawn bowling!

Muscle Man: Ugh! Looks like it's just me and you tonight, Fives.

Hi Five Ghost: Oh....

Muscle Man: What?

Hi Five Ghost: Low-Five is graduating from the police academy tonight! He's my brother, I have to go!

Muscle Man: (Stutters) Fine! You're all uninvited!

Mordecai: Dude, don't be like that.

Muscle Man: No, it's cool! It's not like it's my fifth anniversary or anything! This bird is flying solo tonight, babies! WHOOOO! (Runs away)

(Scene changes to Fry it Up! Muscle Man is sitting at a table and the waiter comes over to him.)

Waiter: Oh, are you waiting for more people?

Muscle Man: No! Why would I be? I'm a one-man party!

Waiter: Okay...

Muscle Man: Give me the bottomless wings, the bottomless muffin tops, and a cream cheese donut stuffed inside a roast chicken.

(The waiter tries to take the menu from Muscle Man)

Muscle Man (continued): Uh, no. I'm gonna keep this for a minute.

(The waiter walks away)

Muscle Man (continued): Those guys are totally missing out.

Filbert: Ugh, this next issue isn't coming together at all!

(Waiter comes around)

Mulligan: A little fried milk, please.

Filbert: I mean, look at these. We're supposed to be on the cutting edge.

(Looks behind him)

Mulligan:  Hold the phone?

Filbert: Holding.

Mulligan: I think we found our solution.

(Muscle Man is eating glumly)

Mulligan: Uh, excuse me sir.

Muscle Man: What?

Mulligan: Uh, please, would you mind standing up for a minute?

Muscle Man: Ugh, fine. (Does so) I know my rights, though.

(Filbert whistles)

Mulligan: I told you.

Filbert: Tell me kid, have you ever thought of becoming a model?

Muscle Man: No.

Filbert: (Picturing Muscle Man's body) Because you sir, have the perfect body.. to pose as a pregnant woman. Hi. Filbert & Mulligan. Mommy Monthly Magazine.

Muscle Man: Mommy Monthly? But I'm not a woman.

Filbert: (Laughs) I just love this kid!

Mulligan: Look, we all know that there's nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman's belly.

Filbert: There's no disputing that.

Mulligan: But we also know that shooting the real thing is twice as expensive and takes three times as long.

Filbert: Plus, pregnant women don't stay pregnant forever.

Mulligan: So that's where you come in. As a gut model. And that is the technical term for males in this business, gut model. You'd make some real sweet dough.

Filbert: Some beacoup dinero.

Muscle Man: Well, I got other commitments right now, but I appreciate the compliment.

Mulligan: Hey, we appreciate the view.

Filbert: Of your gut.

Mulligan: Because you look a lot like a pregnant woman.

Filbert: (Giving Muscle Man the business card) Give us a dangle if you change your mind.

(He and Mullgan walk off)

Muscle Man: (Sitting back down) Pssssh. A model. Yeah, right. (Remembers something) Hmmm. (Picks up a piece of food) "Ooooh, Muscle Man! We're sorry we didn't hang out with you. Please don't leave us to be a gut model." That's right. Keep begging. (Eats food) Hmm-hmm-hmm.

(At the park)

Benson: Ok, everybody. Listen up. Before we do the chore handout today, Muscle Man has something he'd like to say.

Muscle Man: (Standing up) I'm quitting.

(Park workers gasp)

Muscle Man (continued): I was scooted by some guys at Mommy Monthly Magazine, so I'm ditching you losers to be a world-famous gut model. Whaddya thinka about that?

(Park workers are amazed, much to his surprise)

Pops: Sounds like a golden opportunity.

Muscle Man: Uhh, yeah. Ladies, afterparties, and I'll be making oju dinero.

Benson: That's great, Muscle Man. I'll just fix the schedule.

(Rubs off his name as Muscle Man gasps)

Benson (continued): Hi Fives, you're with Mordecai and Rigby now.

HFG: (Hi fiving the two) Alright!

Rigby: Yeah-yuh!

Mordecai: Alright!

Muscle Man: Uhh, yeah. So I'm pretty set on leaving... unless you guys need me around or something.

Skips: Oh we understand. When Mommy Monthly calls (Points at him with a smile) you pick up the phone!

Benson: Alright everyone, (Everyone gets to work except Muscle Man) we've got a lot to do today.

(Sad music plays)

Muscle Man: Fine. I'll see you guys later! But probably not! Because I'm leaving! To be a famous gut model! I'm really gonna do it!

(As everyone leaves, Hi Fives looks back with a smile. Muscle Man is crushed.)

(Cut to Mommy Monthly. Filbert and Mulligan are looking through various photos of guts.)

Filbert: No, no, no- (Woman comes in with Muscle Man) Oh, there he is!

Mulligan: There's our guy!

Muscle Man: Yeah, so I guess I'll take the job.

Filbert: Great, great!

Mulligan: Love it! Hey, we didn't catch your name last time.

Muscle Man: Mitch. (With a proud face) But my friends call me Muscle Man!

Mulligan: Alright, Mitch.

Filbert: Hey, soon we're gonna be callin ya "Mommy Man", so get ready!

Mulligan: This is big, Mitch. Your whole life is about to change.

Filbert: We need to celebrate!

Mulligan: Launch party tonight. Boom!

Filbert: Mitch signs the contract at the party, we'll move all the big players and be there: double boom!

Mulligan: I like the boom of that.

Filbert: We'll do it Al Fresco! That park over there.

(View of Pops's House at the Park)

Muscle Man: Hey, that's where I work!

Mulligan: Used to work. (Nudges Muscle Man in the shoulder) Right, Mitch?

Muscle Man: Yeah. Forget those guys. This is gonna be awesome! (Proceeds to hi-five)

Filbert: (Straightening his tie) This is the magazine industry, Mitch. No hi-fives, okay?

Mulligan: How bout some quick test shots, huh?

(Cut to Muscle Man getting his gut photographed)

Mulligan: (Taking the pics) Yeah! Uh-huh! Oh, these look great Mitch!

Muscle Man: Hey, you know who else look great in photographs? (Puts his hands up) MY MOM!

(He chuckles. Filbert & Mulligan aren't amused.)

Filbert: Is that a joke?

Mulligan: Look Mitch, we don't do jokes here. Just let your gut do the talking.

Muscle Man: (With a just-kidding look) But I was just-

Mulligan: (Resumes picture-taking) Shirt! Shirt!

(Muscle Man pulls up his shirt with a depressed look on his face)

Mulligan (continued): There we go! Yes! (Chuckles)

(Cut to Gut Model launch party at the park. People from Fry it Up! are selling fried foods.)

Customer: I'll have the besta miyata.

(Cut to Muscle Man approaching Benson, who is serving himself food)

Muscle Man: (Nonchalantly) Benson!

Benson: Hey, man of the hour! Nice shirt.

(The shirt says 'Mommy Monthly. This gut's for you!')

Muscle Man: Uh, yeah. Hey, I didn't give you my two-week notice, right? I can stick around if you're short handed.

Benson: Don't worry about it. I already posted in a job listing.

Muscle Man: What?

Benson: But what do you care? You're gonna be a gut model. (Walks away with food) Get out there and mingle!

(Muscle Man goes to Mordecai and Rigby, who are sitting together at a table eating food)

Muscle Man: Give up, guys. It's never gonna work.

Rigby: What are you talking about?

Muscle Man: (Pointing at them) I know you guys are planning a prank or something. Better get it in while you can. It's your last chance. But if it's really good, I'll have to stay and get you back.

(They look at each other)

Mordecai: Alright, you got us. We did plan something.

Muscle Man: Oh ho ho! Man, I knew it!

Mordecai: Ok, ready?

(Mordecai and Rigby hop out of their seats and begin to perform)

Mordecai & Rigby: ♪ Muscle Man, Muscle Man!

Usually so obscene

But now you're following your dream

Just don't become a drama queen!

Modeling, modeling

We are modeling, modeling!♪

Muscle Man: That's it?

Mordecai: (Panting) 'That's it'?

Rigby: (Panting) We've been working on that all day!

(Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost run into each other)

Muscle Man: (Sighs) This is it. I'm really leaving,

Hi Five Ghost: I know. It's crazy.

(Brief silence)

Muscle Man: (With a smile) You're gonna be lost without me, bro.

Hi Five Ghost: (Chuckles) I'll get by.

Muscle Man: Yeah, right! I know you're gonna miss me. I might consider staying if you like, begged me or something.

Hi Five Ghost: Muscle Man, I-

(Interrupted by microphone)

Filbert: Hello, hello? Hi, welcome everyone. Thanks for coming out to honour the new gut of Mommy Monthly Magazine. Mitch, where are ya?

(Cheers and applause)

Filbert (continued): Get up here!

Muscle Man: (To Hi Five Ghost) Uh, what were you saying, bro?

Hi Five Ghost: You better get up there.

(Muscle Man is confused and walks up)

Filbert: There he is! Mitch, everybody!

(Muscle Man's friends are cheering him on)

Filbert: Well, the time has come.

(Hands Muscle Man a pen and the contract)

Mulligan: Just sign the contract and you'll be a world-famous gut model.

(Muscle Man's friends can be heard talking briefly)

Muscle Man: Uh, well, I mean, if no one objects to me leaving. Anyone have a good reason why I shouldn't sign this contract?

Skips: Just remember us when you're famous! (He and the others laugh)

(Muscle Man sighs and signs his name on the contract)

Filbert: Ladies and gentleman, our new gut model for life!

(Everyone cheers)

Muscle Man: (Shocked) Wait, what? For life? You're joking, right?

Mulligan: We don't joke kid, remember? (Stern tone) Read the contract.

(Muscle Man looks at his friends, who are eating and chatting amongst themselves. He begins to think that they don't care if he leaves to become a gut model and finally loses it.)

Muscle Man: Okay, fine! (Points at his friends) If this is it and you all want me to go so bad...!

Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops, Skips & Hi Five Ghost: Huh?

Filbert & Mulligan: Huh?

Muscle Man: You want me to go be a gut model?! I'll go be a gut model! But this gut model's going out with a bang, baby! (Takes off his gut model shirt and twirls it) Whoo!

(Muscle Man knocks down the mic stand. He then pushes a table.)

Muscle Man (continued): Yeah!

(Sees the Fry it Up! stand)

Muscle Man (continued): Yeah! Fry it up, everyone!

(Picks up the mic stand) Fry up EVERYTHING!

(Throws the mic stand into one of the fryers. The food server near it runs away as Muscle Man runs towards him with a chair. He tosses the chair in another fryer.)

Man: Stop! You can't put inedible items in the fryer!

Muscle Man: It's my party and I'll fry if I want to!

(He pushes the man. He pours plastic items in the fryers, causing them to build up more grease. Muscle Man gets out of the way as the grease comes together, forming a Grease Monster. It begins to fry everything as everyone runs away. It fries up a tree.)

Skips: Take cover, everyone!

(He shields his friends with the table they were sitting at as the Grease Monster fries it)

Skips (continued): Go! Go!

(They all run for cover. The Grease Monster heads toward Muscle Man.) 

Hi Five Ghost: (Noticing Muscle Man in trouble) Muscle Man!

(The Grease Monster begins to shoot Muscle down with grease, and Muscle Man begins to panic as Hi Five Ghost becomes a round shield and covers Muscle Man, taking the grease himself. The monster roams around shooting grease. Muscle Man starts crying.)

Hi Five Ghost (continued): Calm down! You're ruining everything!

Muscle Man: Everything's already ruined! I thought you guys were my friends, but no one cares if I leave.

Rigby: (Who is under a table with Mordecai and Benson) Dude, what? Of course we care.

Mordecai: We're just happy for you!

Hi Five Ghost: We don't want to stand in the way of your new life!

Muscle Man: What new life? I never wanted to be a gut model. I just wanted you guys to say you needed me.

Hi Five Ghost: (As chaos is still going on) We do need you! need you!

Muscle Man: Well, I needed you at that restaurant last night. You're the one person I thought I could count on.

Hi Five Ghost: Dude, that was just bad timing! Get over it! If you left, it wouldn't be the same.

Muscle Man: Really?

Hi Five Ghost: I'd be miserable without you, bro. (With a smile) You're my best friend.

(Muscle Man grins but then notices the chaos. Pops screams as the Grease Monster is chasing him. Skips saves him just as the monster shoots grease at the two. The monster then shoots more grease at the table covering Mordecai, Rigby and Benson, who scream in terror.)

Muscle Man: Fives, let me out!

Hi Five Ghost: (Does so) What are you gonna do?

Muscle Man: I'm gonna save my friends.

(The Grease Monster has fried up the table)

Muscle Man (continued): Yo, Grease Puddle!

(The monster faces Muscle Man)

Muscle Man (continued): You wanna fry something? Fry this!

(He runs toward the Grease Monster as his friends look on)

Filbert & Mulligan: (In slow motion) Mitch, nooo!

(Muscle Man jumps off a table and screams as he sticks his gut out at the monster)

Filbert & Mulligan (continued): Aaaaaaah!

(Muscle Man's gut begins to fry up, following by a blinding light. When it clears, everyone surrounds him.)

Filbert: Why'd ya do it, kid? You could have been one of the greatest gut models of all time!

Muscle Man: (Opens his crusted eyes) My friends needed me, and I saved them.

Mordecai: Uh, actually, you didn't really do anything.

Rigby: Yeah. (Points) Firemen are still trying to put out the Grease Monster with bread crumbs.

(Shows the Grease Monster being sprayed with bread crumbs by the firemen)

Mordecai: I mean, I guess you did buy us enough time to make it safety, so that was pretty cool.

Mulligan: Well, we don't need this anymore.

(Rips the contract)

Muscle Man: Whatever. I'd rather be fried and hanging with my bros at a park than be making dijon dinero as a gut model anyday.

Skips: And we wouldn't want it any other way.

(The guys laugh as Filbert & Mulligan walk off)

Muscle Man: Can you guys stop making me laugh? It hurts when I smile.

(The guys laugh again and the grease hurts Muscle Man)

Muscle Man (continued): Ahioooh!

(End of Gut Model)

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