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This page is the transcript for "Kill 'Em with Kindness".

(Episode begins at the floating Park Dome. The park members, Eileen and Earl are at the playing field.)

Earl: Congratulatons to Pops! He has officially completed his training! More than an army's work of strength is contained within this vessel.

(Pops is feeding a peacock.)

Pops: Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Mordecai: Was the peacock the last of your training, Pops?

Earl: Uh, no. This is just a weird thing he wanted to do.

Rigby: But he looks exactly the same. Are you trying to tell us that somehow he's changed inside, even though he hasn't changed at all on the outside?

Earl: Take a shot if you don't believe me.

Mordecai: No, no.

Rigby: We're good.

Earl: Come on! You two have destructive tendencies. I know you do.

Mordecai: Okay, fine.

Rigby: Pull my arm.

(They get off the bench and Rigby attempts to hose Pops, but he uses cryokinesis to freeze the water, which amazes everyone. Pops then uses his hand to crush the ice into snow)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa, so cool! Snow cool!

Earl: Is that all you've got? Come on, really try to take him down.

(Mordecai runs to catch Pops, but Pops uses his teleportation to avoid it)

Earl: Everybody!

Everyone: Uh...

(Muscle Man grabs a rock and throws it at Pops, but he turns it into a dove as it flies away)

Hi-Five Ghost: Good job, Muscle Man.

Skips: Hoh, hoh. Way to go, Muscle Man.

Benson: It turned into a bird.

(Pops laughs as he lifts Rigby into the air and made pillows appear to drop Rigby on, then Rigby attempts to grab Pops, but he makes a wall made out of positive energy)

Rigby: What?! How'd he do that?!

Pops: He made a protective wall out of positive energy, and that's not all he can do.

Rigby: What else can there possibly be?

Pops: (telepathically) Well, I guess you could say I have a way with words. (winks and gives him a thumbs up)

Rigby: (screams) Pops scaled my mind fence!

Earl: Yes. Now that Pops is telepathic, he'll never need a telephone again.

Eileen: (clears her throat) Question.

Earl: Ah, ah, ah Any questions will be addressed at tonight's formal presentation.

(Cut to everyone in the control room where Earl hosts the presentation)

Earl: The final battle against Anti-Pops. Now, Planet Nielsen, home of the all-knowing seer that can tell us exactly when, where, and how Pops will fight Anti-Pops. So we just need to find her. (pause) That's it, That's the whole presentation.

Pops: Ahem. Earl.

Earl: What is it?

Pops: Remember how I said before that I didn't want to fight my brother?

Earl: Yes, but then we did all that training, and now you are ready.

Pops: Yes, but I still don't want to fight him.

Muscle Man: Yeah, but you're gonna.

Hi-Five Ghost: You have to, Pops.

(Everyone starts clamoring)

Eileen: We're all counting on you, Pops!

Muscle Man: You have to!

Pops: Oh, but certainly there must be some way to end this dispute peacefully.

Earl: No, Pops, we've been over this! The scroll says you fight, so you will fight!

Pops: Okay.

Benson: Uh, okay. I guess, uh, let's start plotting the course to Planet Nielsen.

(Everyone leaves)

Muscle Man: All right, let's do this.

Rigby: Yep, let's get 'er done.

Skips: I'll make coffee.

Mordecai: Guess we better buckle up.

(Circle-wipe transitions to Pops walking outside)

Pops: Oh. There must be a way to reason with Anti-Pops. If only I could get in touch with him. Wait, I can!

(Cut to him sitting on a rock, meditating to enter Anti-Pops' mind and the camera zooms in to Anti-Pops where he is typing on his computer with a whispering voice saying "Sadness.")

Anti-Pops: Impossible parking. Had to wait for the bathroom. No free refills! The only reason I'm leaving a one-star rating is that there isn't an option for zero-st-- (sees Pops) Huh? Pops? You scaled my mind fence?!

Pops: Don't worry. This is just a friendly visit. I thought I'd "pops" into the old anti-thought attic. (giggles)

Anti-Pops: How dare you show up in my head!

Pops: Well, that's just it. I only wanted a chance to get to know my brother a little better. I had no idea you were so sad.

Anti-Pops: You only think that because happy for me feels like sad to you. Like how you see blue where I see orange, but you learned to call your version of blue "orange."

Pops: It doesn't have to be this way. We could become friends.

Anti-Pops: And then what?

Pops: The joy of friendship lasts forever.

Anti-Pops: (smirks evilly) Yes, perhaps we should meet up and talk this through. I'll host.

Pops: Wonderful!

Anti-Pops: Meet me tomorrow in my underground dungeon on the sulfuric-lava planet. (cackles)

Pops: Oh, uh... how about a public place instead?

Anti-Pops: Okay. Uh, I know another spot that might work. Do you have a pencil and paper handy?

Pops: I think my super mind should be able to remember it.

Anti-Pops: Yes, of course. (cackles)

(Cut to the control room where the guys are talking when Pops enters)

Pops: Everyone, splendid news! There's no need to fight Anti-Pops.

Eileen: Um, how did you arrive at this conclusion, Pops?

Pops: I telepathically got in touch with him and made a plan to meet in person and figure out how to make peace.

Earl: This is so clearly a trick. There's no making peace with pure evil.

Pops: But he's not pure evil.

Earl: No, Pops! You will fight him, and that is final!

Pops: Okay. (leaves the control room as Mordecai and Rigby look at each other sadly)

(Cut to the kitchen where Pops is holding two eggs with two faces of the two brothers drawn on it)

Pops: (imitates Anti-Pops) Peace sounds like a wonderful idea to me, Pops. (in his own voice) I'm so glad you agree. (starts playing with the eggs) La, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la... (breaks the eggs in half, holding two egg shells with the left side is Pops' drawn face and the right side is Anti-Pops') Ohh. (whimpers and groans as he starts stirring the batter and turns to see Mordecai and Rigby standing in the doorway) Ah, Mordecai and Rigby! How long have you been here?

Mordecai: A while.

Pops: I know you all believe that the (puts down the batter) only way to save the universe is by destroying Anti-Pops. But I have never known violence to be an answer before, and I don't see why it should be now.

Rigby: Yeah, we hear you, Pops. It's just, well, this situation's like a video game. Some bad guys can't be beaten with words. In fact, most can't. You beat bad guys by jumping on their heads or punching them in the gut.

Pops: Do you?

Rigby: Yeah.

Mordecai : And we'll be with you every step of the way.

Pops: That means a lot to me.

Rigby: Of course. (points to the batter) Are you still gonna bake that cake?

Pops: Oh. I suppose.

Rigby: That means a lot to me.

THE NEXT MORNING

Rigby: (rapping as he's coming down the stairs and heading towards the kitchen) Breakfast cake, cake, cake, cake, ca-cake, ca-ca-ca-cake, ca-ca-ca-cake, ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-cake! (He finds his friends, except Pops, in the kitchen, looking worried) Where's cake?

Pops: With Pops.

Rigby: Where's Pops?

Skips: He left a note. (he hands the note to Rigby)

Rigby: (reading the note) "Dear friends, I've gone to see my evil brother. Cake fixes everything. You'll see. Sincerely, Pops."

Muscle Man: He's gone to get himself killed.

Hi-Five Ghost: Himself and us-self!

Skips: We gotta go find him.

(Cut to a public arcade on an asteroid where Pops enters with a cake as he sees different aliens playing games and starts looking around for Anti-Pops. He comes around the corner and sees Anti-Pops, which surprises him)

Anti-Pops: Hello, Pops. I'm so glad you came. Alone, I presume?

Pops: As you suspiciously insisted, yes. There's no disagreement so terrible that it can't be hashed out over a good, honest chat, gentleman to gentleman.

Anti-Pops: I've secured a quiet place to talk. Right this way.

Pops: Good show. Good show.

(They walk down a hall with a door reading "No Admittance")

Pops: Oh, dear. This appears to be off... (Anti-Pops opens the door with his telekinesis) limits. Well, it is quiet.

(They enter a closet as Anti-Pops' darkness cover the light)

Anti-Pops: This is my kind of place. Really sets the mood. (Pops sees a broken arcade game) Agree?

Pops: It sets a mood, I suppose. I brought you a gift. A man with a tummy full of cake has no need to destroy the universe. That's what I always say.

Anti-Pops: For me? Well, uh, I suppose one taste couldn't hurt. (places his finger on top of the cake and draws a line between the picture of themselves as he scoops up the frosting and tastes it) Oh, Pops, this cake... (Pops smiles eagerly) This cake is... TOTAL GARBAGE!!! (slams the cake to the floor)

Pops: Oh, my "better together" cake! You know, I'm starting to wonder if you were ever serious about making peace.

Anti-Pops: Of course I wasn't, you idiot! Why would I want peace for this universe? This place and its creatures offer me nothing, and I plan to extend the favor by destroying it all!

Pops: My goodness! I've never met someone who needed a hug so badly.

Anti-Pops: What?! (Pops attempts to hug him, but blocks him) Ugh! I don't need a hug! (shoves Pops)

Pops: Oh, dear.

(He attempts to escape, but Anti-Pops uses his telekinesis to lift a broken arcade game and block the door with it. He then summons a black hand to grab Pops and sends him to the wall as he falls to the floor)

Anti-Pops: Goodbye, Pops. (summons a giant black hand to crush Pops, but he summons a shield to avoid it)

Pops: Please, we don't have to do this!

Anti-Pops: Have to?! This is all I want!

(The black hand turns into a snake head)

Anti-Pops: Everything is broken, Pops, just like these games. But I have the solution for broken things. (erases an arcade game from existence as Pops gasps) See? All better.

Pops: That is not better! (bursts out of his shield, dissolving the snake head and regenerates an arcade game called "Save the Universe" with his positive energy) You see, positive energy can fix so much, even a sad heart like yours.

Anti-Pops: It's like you don't understand me at all! (uses his telekinesis to throw a broken arcade game towards Pops, but he misses and he tries to blast Pops, but he misses, creating a hole in the wall as Pops ducks behind another broken arcade game) You can't hide from me!

(He erases another arcade game from existence as Pops tries to run away, but Anti-Pops' erasing beam erases all the games and he disappears telepathically and reappears as Anti-Pops gets near him)

Anti-Pops: I'm tired of looking at you, Pops. JUST... GO... AWAY!!! (blasts Pops, but he blocks it with his positive energy shield. Anti-Pops then summons a spiked wrecking ball, twirls it and hits Pops' shield, sending him flying to the exit door)

Pops: I guess my friends were right. Some bad guys can't be beaten with words! (flies towards Anti-Pops and prepares to punch him, but Anti-Pops grabs his hand)

Anti-Pops: Tisk, tisk. Violence doesn't suit you! (punches Pops to a corner) Does it hurt, Pops? (grabs him by the shirt) Don't worry, I'll make it all better.

(Anti-Pops laughs evilly as he prepares the final blow to erase him from existence. Cut to Pops' POV as he almost gets erased and Anti-Pops grins evilly, but an arcade game gets thrown at him as he gets it off him. Muscle Man appears and tries to fight him, but he kicks him off. Mordecai, Rigby, Fives and Benson charge towards Anti-Pops to fight him while Skips comes to Pops' aid)

Skips: Pops, are you okay?!

(He picks him up as everyone else tries to fight Anti-Pops off, but he is no match for them)

Benson: Run!

(They run out of the closet and into the arcade)

Muscle Man: Where's the exit?!

(Anti-Pops' telekinesis beam bursts out as he comes out and Pops gets thrown to the ground. A slug alien gets erased from existence by Anti-Pops, then he prepares to erase Mordecai and Rigby, but Earl blasts him with his blue beam)

Earl: (to Pops) Fulfil your destiny, Pops. (to the guys) Get him to the rendezvous point! I'll hold off Anti-Pops! (jumps and pounces on Anti-Pops to fight him)

Skips: You heard him, let's go!

(Skips grabs Pops and the guys make a run for it, but Earl gets beaten and Anti-Pops erases him from existence, followed by the arcade as Anti-Pops' erasing beam starts spreading on the asteroid and the guys are still running towards the Park Dome)

Mordecai: (panting) Eileen, open the hatch!

(Cut to them in the control room where Skips lays Pops down on a blanket)

Benson: We have to get him medical attention.

Eileen: (seeing the erasing beam heading towards the dome) Guys, we're running out of asteroid fast!

Benson: Set coordinates for Planet Nielsen!

(Eileen presses the launch button as the dome takes off and the erasing beam completely erases the asteroid from existence)

(End of "Kill 'Em with Kidness")

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