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This page is the transcript for "New Beds".


(Episode begins with the Park blasting through space with everyone murmuring.)

Benson: Quiet, everyone. Muscle Man, status report.

Muscle Man: Okay, okay. We're out of range.

(The dome comes out of warp speed.)

Mordecai: I can't believe what just happened!

Eileen: Sureshot? Rawls? Do you think they're...?

Benson: Let's not think about that now. I'm...I'm sure they're fine.

Rigby: But what's the deal with that Anti-Pops guy? Why is he out to get us?

Skips: Not us, Pops.

Pops: I don't know why'd he be after me. Does he think I owe him money or something?

Skips: Hmm.

Benson: We got our co-ordinates. We should keep going on our mission. Full systems, check.

Muscle Man: Dome integrity at 100 per cent.

Eileen: No damage to engines.

Hi-Five Ghost: Power systems and shields at full capacity.

Benson: Whoa, seriously? We didn't get hit at all?

Eileen: Wait a sec, it looks like there is one place where we sustained damage.

(Cuts to Skips' house, where his bed is dust.)

Skips: My bed. How did this happen?

(Flashback to previous episode, where Sureshot shoots and misses, then the bullet goes ricoctheting all over the space tree until it hits Skips' bed, ending the flashback.)

Muscle Man: I guess we'll never know.

Skips: Bah, I need a new bed.

Benson: You know, I need one too.

Eileen: I never had a bed at the park.

Pops: My bed turned into a computer.

Benson: Ugh! As if it wasn't enough for them to blow up the space tree and chase us halfway into the next sector, most of us don't have a place to sleep! Before we continue our mission, we're gonna get new beds. Eileen, plot a course to the closest bed store!

Eileen: Uh...I'm not 100% sure how to do that.

Benson: Eileen, figure out how to plot a course to the closest bed store!

(Cuts to a giant UMÄK store.)

Mordecai: Whoa! This is the biggest UMÄK I've ever seen!

Rigby: I can't wait to have some of their meatballs.

Benson: (To Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost) Alright, you guys guard the dome and we'll work on.

Muscle Man: Alright, captain Benson, bro!

Random Guy: Maggie? Maggie! Has anybody seen my girlfriend?

Benson: Now stick together. We don't wanna get lost.

(A giant chicken appears.)

Giant Chicken: Howdy, folks!

(The gang screams.)

Giant Chicken: Welcome to UMÄK's intergalactic flagship. Your stores for modern furniture that's not only inexpensive, it's durable, too!

Mordecai and Rigby: (Laugh.) Wooden butt. (Laugh.)

Giant Chicken: And make sure you check out our cafe and have one of our famous meatball subs! Iiit's meat!

Eileen: (Reads a sign with a photo of a meatball sandwich that says "IIIIIT'S MEAT?" on the bottom.) What's the question mark for?

Giant Chicken: Nevermind that, here's a map! (Gives Eileen a map.)

Eileen: (Opens up the map.)

Benson: There. Beds. Sector 1-15-Z. Is that far?

Giant Chicken: Yes! Now you better get movin'!

(Everyone walks away, then a female bounty hunter enters the store reading a catalog, which apparently is on the lookout for Pops. Then, a montage starts with them entering some tubes which resembles the hyperloop. Shows Mordecai and Rigby sliding on a sofa that's a piano, then shows two people trying out a lamp. Shows the gang going through the tubes until they're at the bed section, ending the montage.)

Eileen: Rigby, there's no way I'm buying that bed!

(Shows Rigby riding a matress on a roller coaster.)

Rigby: Oh, come on! It's the thrill you've always wanted on a bed.

(Shows Pops looking at an iron bed.)

Pops: Hmm... I'm not sure about this one.

(The iron bed scans Pops and makes a hole shaped like him, and Pops tries the bed. Cuts to Skips looking at a small bed called "Cot buddy.")

Skips: This one's cheap, I'll take it.

Benson: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't just buy the first bed you see. You gotta sleep on it every night. This is one thing you don't skimp on.

Skips: You know what? You're right.

(Shows another slightly bigger bed that is the same than the Cot buddy which is called "Super cot buddy.")

Skips: I'll take the full.

Benson: (Walks up to an employee.) Uh, excuse me, we're ready to check out.

Employee 1: (Sighs.) Then go to the check out.

Benson: Wha-?

Employee 1: (Gives a card to Benson.) You take the card with your bed's item number down at the warehouse. And that's where you get your beds.

Skips: Where's the warehouse?

Employee 1: So, you know, all the way where you came back in?

Skips: Yeah.

Employee 1: Further than that.

(The gang groans.)

Rigby: Hey! You know what I could use right now? Some meatballs!

(Cuts to UMÄK cafe.)

Pops: It does feel good to rest a bit.

Benson: We shouldn't be in the open this long. This was suppose to be a quick mission. What if there's somebody's after us?

Rigby: Oh, lighten up, Benson.

Mordecai and Rigby: (Eat sandwich.)

Rigby: Ooh, nice.

Mordecai: Really good.

Eileen: (Is about to eat the sandwich but then a live meatball falls off and runs away, making Eileen lose her apetite, so she leaves the sandwich.) Ugh.

Skips: It's only 2 space creds, what did you expect?

Benson: Enough with the meatballs already. Let's get those beds.

(The gang walks away, and then shows the female bounty hunter.)

Bounty hunter: (Sees the gang and eats her sandwich immedeatly.)

Employee 2: Ma'am, you need to bust your tray.

Bounty hunter: Bust this. (Shoots the employee with a gun that freezes the employee.)

Employee 2: C'mon, I don't make the rules.

Bounty hunter: (Chases the gang walking and then hides behind a shower curtain.)

Pops: (Turns around to see what is behind him, but then continues walking.)

Bounty hunter: (Pokes head out to see.)

Pops: I think someone is following us.

Benson: Really?

(Shows a curved chair.)

Eileen: Eh, it's just a really ugly chair.

Benson: Let's keep moving.

Bounty Hunter: Phew.

Random guy from earlier: (To bounty hunter) Hey, have you seen a girl named Maggie around here?

Bounty Hunter: Shhh.

Random guy: You see, I went to the bathroom a couple of months ago and-

Bounty hunter: (Shoots the random guy.)

Random guy: (Screams.)

(The gang gasps.)

Bounty hunter: Pops, you're coming with me!

Pops: What?

Mordecai: Run!

(The gang starts running and the bounty hunter chases them, trying to shoot them. Then, the gang steps onto the tunnel system but the bounty hunter steps in too.)

Bounty Hunter: Ugh!

(The gang arrives at a section with a sign that says "OVERSIZED" where there is very big furniture. Mordecai looks behind him, and shows that the bounty hunter is behind them.)

Mordecai: Man, who buys this stuff?

Benson: Who cares? Come on!

(The gang runs onto a dead end.)

Bounty Hunter: You can't run forever! (Laughs.)

Benson: Ah! A dead end! What are we gonna do?

Bounty Hunter: Oh, man, the bounty I'm gonna collect after catching you guys is gonna be as big as this big furniture.

Eileen: Aah! We're trapped!

Closet behind them: (Opens doors and speaks with an italian accent.) Get in.

Pops: What?

Closet: I said get in.

(The gang enters the closet.)

Closet: Don't worry, you're safe now.

Benson: Who are you? Show yourself!

Closet: I am the wardrobe you're hiding in. (Turns on a light.) My name is Glömb.

Mordecai: What's going on?

Glömb: (Gasps.) I can't believe my drawers! It is you! The chosen one. It is an honor.

Pops: The chosen one? But I'm Pops.

Glömb: (Chuckles.) What an unusual name.

Rigby: Yeah, whatever you say,"gloomb." Who are you, anyways?

Glömb: I am one of the many operative stations throughout the galaxy to protect the chosen one... er... (Clears throat.) Pops.

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