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"Peeps" Transcript

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OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!
This page is the transcript for "Peeps".

(Mordecai and Rigby are at the park washing the truck)

Mordecai: Okay. (rubs eyes) Ready?

Rigby: (rubs eyes) Give me a second! (blinks) Ready.

Mordecai: Stare!

(silence for a few seconds, then, Rigby starts making faces, arm-farting and dancing)

Rigby: Ooh, I think you gonna blink!

Mordecai: Yeah, right.

Rigby: Ha! (longer silence. Rigby starts sweating, then, he pulls out a laser pointer) Pschoooo!

Mordecai: Hey, no laser pointers! That's not regulation!

Rigby: Street rules, man!

(Benson observes the action from the window)

Benson: What are you doing? I asked you to wash the truck 20 minutes ago! I can't trust you guys to do anything!

Mordecai: Uh, we were just taking a break!

(M&R go back to washing the truck.)

Benson: Ugh. (walks off, but then, decides to turn around to see if M&R are still working. But no. They're back to their staring contest.) I--

Infomercial VO: Bosses! Are you sick of slackers?

Benson: Yeah.

(the TV is on a commercial)

Infomercial VO: Is this a familiar sight?

(The TV shows two cafe workers asleep.)

Infomercial VO: Well, turn this... (slackers are now working hard, with many cameras surrounding them) ...to this! Peeps! Get your workers to work harder!

Manager: Thanks, Peeps!

Infomercial VO: Now with 4 different levels! (the captions "Mooch Master", "Slack Pack" and "Bum Blitz" appear as the levels are said) Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, and for the ultimate in worker productivity... (cut to another caption. The words appear as said:) Jeepers Peepers X-Infinity, with a Peeps lifetime guarantee! Act now and get the Peeps lens cleaning kit, free! Call now! Cleaning can be extremely flammable. Offer not valid or void. Peeps may be illegal in your country or province. Requires sign...

(clock transition to another M&R staring contest, some time later)

Benson: Hey, you two!

(M&R turn their heads to see Benson, with the new Peeps kit)

Mordecai: Oh, uh, hey Benson. We were just getting back to work.

Benson: It's okay, Mordecai. I trust you.

Mordecai: Really?

Benson: Of course I do, because now I have this! (assembles the Mooch Master) Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system. Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time, 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? (throws rag to Mordecai and hands bucket to Rigby) Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember, I'm watching you! (whistles)

Rigby: Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all.

Mordecai: Of course he doesn't. He just put a camera in front of us.

Rigby: What's the big deal, anyway? I mean, we were working. We're gonna get it done.

Mordecai: Come on. We'll show him. We'll get this done in no time.

(M&R get to washing the car. Five minutes later, M&R are working at a much slower pace. The Mooch Master camera lens zooms in)

Rigby: Dude, forget this. Let's just finish our staring contest.

Mordecai: We can't. Benson's watching us.

(zoom into the lens. M&R are seen washing the car from the computer. Benson and Skips come into the room)

Benson: You gotta check this out, Skips. Those slackers are finally working. Yep, Peeps is working like a charm.

Skips: Why is there a jet outside?

Benson: Huh? (A crude drawing of M&R washing the car and a jet saying "You guys are doing great" is shown.) What?! (cut to outside. Benson sees the paper covering the lens and rips it off) RAUGGH!

(M&R notice)

Mordecai: Oh! Benson, uh--

Benson: Get back to work! Now! (M&R quickly get back to washing the car. Benson goes over to call Peeps) I'm gonna take those slackers to level 2.

Phone operator: You have reached Peeps. Please hold.

(clock transition to coffee shop. M&R are now wearing the Slack Pack. Mordecai's camera gets caught, but he moves it in to proceed with Rigby)

Mordecai: This. Sucks.

Rigby: I know! Mine's really chaffing me.

Mordecai: Well, at least we're on break. We can finish our staring contest.

Rigby: Yeah, it's on.

(they start, but the Slack Pack camera blocks Mordecai's view)

Mordecai: Ugh, this is lame.

Margaret: Next. Hey guys! What's with the cameras?

Mordecai: These? Um, we're making an Indie documentary.

Margaret: Whoa, that's cool!

Mordecai: Yeah, it's pretty obscure arthouse stuff.

Rigby: It's so Indie, only one dude's gonna see it.

Margaret: What's it called?

Benson: (over microphone) It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Jobs". Break's over!

Mordecai: Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.

Benson: (over microphone) To go!

(clock transition back to the house. Benson observes M&R washing the dishes before Pops comes in)

Pop​s: Ooh! What a fancy new fangled giga! How does it work?

Benson: Pops, come here and i'll show you. It's called Peeps. This window here is hooked up to a camera on Rigby and this one is hooked up to Mordecai. It's foolproof. They'll never slack off again!

Pops: Hmm? Oh, I meant that! (plays with computer mouse)

Benson: Wow! I can't believe they've been working for 3 hours!

Pops: 3 hours? They deserve an award!

Benson: Good idea. Time to bust out the Employee Incentives. I hope these babies are still good. (pulls out coupon)

Pops: Ooh! Luigi's One Free Personal Pizza with purchase of equal or greater pizza!

Benson: Let's go!

(cut to kitchen)

Pops: Mordecai and Rigby, we've got coupons!

Benson: What the? (dishes are still dirty. pan over to a TV showing a split-screen of dishwashing, with the Slack Packs pointed at two different sides. Benson ejects the tape from the TV) World Dishwashing Championship 1982?!

(M&R are heard upstairs)

Rigby: You blinked!

Mordecai: You wish!

Benson: That's it! I gotta make a phone call.

(Begin a montage of the Bum Blitz cameras. Mordecai is asleep, and wakes up to a camera. Mordecai screams, then, we see that the whole bedroom has cameras all over it. Mordecai removes his sheets to reveal that there are even cameras under his sheet)

Mordecai: Rigby!

Rigby: (bonks head against camera) Oww! (from lens) What the?

(Benson watches from all the cameras in his office. He's somehow grown a five o'clock shadow)

Benson: Ha!

(M&R are at the window. We pan to see that there are cameras all throughout the park)

Mordecai: Crap!.

(M&R eat breakfast under the watchful eyes of the cameras. Later, they are also seen driving the cart, also camera-equipped. Cameras are even seen in the bathroom, four of which are seen on a toilet)

Mordecai: Dude, this has to stop.

(Benson's office, night. M&R sneak in. Benson is asleep at his desk.)

Mordecai: Did you bring the hacking device? (Rigby pulls out a canister filled with coffee from a sack. Mordecai drinks some of it) Ahhhhhh.

(In one move, Mordecai spills coffee onto the keyboard, shutting off all the cameras. Benson wakes up to see the mess)

Benson: Huh? What the?! (M&R run out of the room. Benson sees the canister on the ground) AAAGGGHHH!

(pulls out the Peeps manual and flips through the pages, then, he grabs a phone and calls Peeps)

Phone operator: Peeps Surveillance Systems.

Benson: Yeah. Upgrade me to Jeepers Peepers X-Infinity! NOW!

Phone operator: I'm sorry, sir, but that requires a signature (Benson grimaces in frustration) on our lifetime contract.

(Puts down the phone and rips a few pages in manual then throwing it down and violently sliding it off the desk)

Benson: All right, whatever! Just make it happen!

Phone operator: One moment, please.

(A contract comes through Benson's system. Benson grabs the contract and signs)

Benson: There!

Phone operator: Thank you for choosing Peeps Surveillance Systems. (contract disappears into thin air) Have a nice day.

(eyeballs appear on the screens. Benson turns to the fourth wall and laughs maniacally. In the morning, the Peeps truck backs up into the driveway just as Benson runs up laughing maniacally again to see the Jeepers Creepers X-Infinity. The back doors open, revealing a huge eye)

Benson: AAAH! What are you?!

Peeps Eyeball: I'm Peeps.

(zooms into eye to start montage of Peeps spying on the park workers. M&R are first. They look behind them to see the Peeps Eyeball following them. Next up is Pops, who is taking a shower. He opens the curtains to see the Peeps Eyeball, and then quickly backs away in fear. Third are Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost. MM twirls his shirt around in the air while watching a monster trucks show before the Peeps Eyeball comes on screen to scare Muscle Man & Hi Five Ghost, prompting Muscle Man to put his shirt back on. Fourth is Skips. He fixes a bus, before sliding under it, only to see the Peeps Eyeball looking down upon him. Finally, Benson runs through a green void in fear as Peeps Eyeballs show up throughout his path. Then, all the park workers are seen running through the bottom lid of the Peeps Eyeball, as its pupil follows them. They then are seen on the golf cart. Benson hits the accelerator as the Peeps Eyeball disappears. They think they lost it, but all of a sudden, it comes right up again. As they exit the cart, the Peeps Eyeball teleports to the top of the house.)

Mordecai: Benson! This has gone too far!

Skips: Yeah. I can't work.

Pops: I haven't been able to sleep in a fortnight!

Muscle Man: I've been so stressed that I'm losing muscle mass!

Benson: I know guys. I'm gonna take care of this mess. Peeps! Hey Peeps!

Peeps Eyeball: (teleports right to Benson) Yes?

Benson: Listen, Peeps. You're creeping everybody out. You've got to go.

Peeps Eyeball: I'm here to stay. If you've read the lifetime guarantee that you signed, I'm going to watch you 24/7, 365, until you die.

Benson: GRAAAH! (rips contract to pieces)

Peeps Eyeball: That's cool. I made copies!

Mordecai: Peeps? We've got a proposition for you.

Peeps Eyeball: Oh yeah, what?

Mordecai: A staring contest. (Skips, Hi Five Ghost, Muscle Man and Pops doubt Mordecai) If we win you have to leave the park.

Peeps Eyeball: Ha ha! Are you kidding me? You don't stand a chance.

Rigby: You're the one that doesn't have a chance, you giant eyesack!

Peeps Eyeball: Fine. But if I win, I'm taking your eyes. All of your eyes. (pulls out spoon and needle on the gang)

Mordecai: Accepted.

Benson: Wait, you guys can't even do the dishes. How can I trust you to win?

Mordecai: It's true, Benson. You can't trust us to do the dishes or wash the truck.

Rigby: And you really can't trust us not to fart in your coffee when you're not looking.

Benson: What?!

Mordecai: Nothing. But what you can trust us is at pointless skills during work time.

Benson: Wow. I really can't argue with that. I guess it's our only chance.

Peeps Eyeball: So, which one of you is it gonna be then?

Rigby: Mordecai, you should do it. You're a way better starer than me. Ice this fool!

Peeps Eyeball: Mordecai, your eyeballs are mine.

(some time later, Mordecai and Peeps prepare to start)

Skips: Ready, set, stare!

(a mini-montage begins. The gang watches as Mordecai and Peeps go into the evening without blinking. Their eyes are now red. The Peeps Eyeball squints)

Rigby: Peeps is gonna blink! You got this, Mordecai!

(a little eyeball comes out of Peeps' back and rubs his big eye. Everyone gasps and Benson nearly pukes but he puts his hands over his mouth to stop it.)

Rigby: Hey, that's cheating!

Peeps Eyeball: I'm not blinking, am I?

Rigby: Hmph.

Peeps Eyeball: (dozens of his eyes come out) Don't blink! Don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink. Don't blink! HA HA HA HA-- (laughs, and then, all of a sudden Rigby shoots one of his eyes with a laser pointer) Ow! Hey, that's cheating!

Rigby: You cheated first! Now it's time to kiss your greasy eye sacks good night!

(Rigby makes gunshot noises as he shoots the lasers at his eyes. It lasts for about 20 seconds before the little eyes are all burnt out)

Peeps Eyeball: My retinas! They burn!

Mordecai: Hey, Peeps! Don't blink!

(Mordecai stares hard at Peeps before he finally closes his eye. The gang cheers)

Peeps Eyeball: This isn't a regulation, you know.

Rigby: Street rules, man!

(He shoots Peeps' big eye with the laser pointer, setting his eye on fire)

Peeps Eyeball: AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

(Peeps jumps into the lake, letting out steam. Wipe transition to Peeps being saved by an ambulance as others watch)

Peeps Eyeball: All I see is darkness.

(The ambulance drives away. The park workers cheer)

Benson: Get out and stay out! And you two, I hope you learned something from all this.

Rigby: Yeah, make sure we do our chores so you don't nark on us to a giant eyeball.

Muscle Man: I learned that Mordecai can go for a really long time without blinking.

Mordecai: Actually, my eyes won't blink anymore. (the others go "oooooh" in shock) Uh... does anybody have any eyedrops?

(Rigby gives him eye drops. Mordecai lets a drop over his eye, but it evaporates before touching it and he still wouldn't blink)

Mordecai: Take me to the hospital.


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