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This is the transcript page for "Regular Show (Pilot)"
(Mordecai opens a refrigerator)
(Rigby opens a cupboard)
(they are both at the table and they both pour the milk and cereal into a bowl)
Mordecai & Rigby: ...Combine.
(the screen says "REGULAR SHOW CREATED BY J.G. QUINTEL" as movement can be heard, it cuts back to the kitchen, Rigby is about to eat the cereal with his face, but Mordecai stops him)
Mordecai: (picks up a spoon) This is the only clean spoon left, dude, lets play "punchies" for it.
Rigby: Okay, me first.
(Rigby punches Mordecai, but Rigby is shocked at how weak his punch was)
Mordecai: (starts laughing, then punches Rigby harder)
Rigby: (rubs his arm) Ow. Take it!
(Rigby moves to the other side of the table as Mordecai laughs and starts eating his breakfast)
Mordecai: (stops eating) Man, so far, this job is awesome! I still can't believe we have our own rooms!
Rigby: Dude, those rooms aren't cool, there's nothing in them, I had to sleep on the floor last night! (starts pouring cereal into his mouth)
Mordecai: Well, yeah. I mean, we can go and get stuff for it, once we've earned some money! Ya Know!
Rigby: (seems full on cereal) Yeah, I guess.
Mordecai: You want some milk?
(Mordecai starts pouring milk into Rigby's mouth, but he gets interrupted by Benson and starts pouring the milk on Rigby)
Benson: Hey! (the scene moves to Benson and Pops carrying a chair out of the door) Please, don't eat up on the table like that!
Pops: Like what? (moves into the scene, the scene then zooms into the chair, as angelic music starts to play, scene cuts Mordecai and Rigby staring at the chair as Mordecai is still pouring the milk on Rigby's head) Oh My, I've never seen anyone eat cereal, like that! How quaint!
(They're watching them walking with the couch)
Benson: Yeah, they shouldn't be doing that. That's what the bowls are for.
Pops: Oh, they're fine.
(Benson & Pops left the room)
Mordecai: Did you see that chair?
Rigby: I love chairs..
(Mordecai & Rigby look at each other at the moment then run outside to see the chair)
Mordecai: Hey Pops, what are you doing with that chair?
Pops: Oh well, I no longer require its services. So Benson and I, are taking it to the place where the big man-made come upon it and whisk it away to magic trash city!
(They stare at him then look at Benson)
Benson: We're throwing it away.
Rigby: Aww, what?
Mordecai: Can we at least check it out, before you chuck it?
(Rigby hangs onto the chair)
Rigby: Yeah, can we at least check it, before you chuck it?
(Benson & Pops put the chair down)
Pops: (Laughs) Oh, that would be fine.
Benson: Look, I gotta get back to work. You guys help him throw it away when you're done.
(Benson leaves the scene while Mordecai & Rigby come closer to the chair.)
Mordecai: Aw, man this chair is awesome. Look how awesome it looks.
Rigby: Dude, it sounds like old man pants.
(They both feel the couch which makes a cushion sound)
Mordecai: (laughs) I'm gonna sit in it.
Rigby: Good idea.
(Mordecai sits on the couch while awing. Later, he then feels uncomfortable.)
Rigby: What? What's wrong?
Mordecai: This is the most uncomfortable chair I ever sat in.
Rigby: Aw, what? Let me try it.
Pops: Yes, I'm afraid it's true, I purchased it through the post, and it just isn't as comfortable as it looks.
Rigby: Awwwwwww. This is terrible. Maybe we're just not sitting it right.
Mordecai: Hmm, Hmm.
Rigby: Come on baby, come on baby, come on! Come on baby!!!
(Rigby pull his eyes and bites the chair and sits on the chair)
Rigby: Ugh. It's just not comfortable, man.
Mordecai: Hey Pops, Since you're throwing it out anyway, can I just have it?
Rigby: No, let me have it!
Mordecai: I asked him first. Come on, Pops!
Rigby: No, Pops, me!
Pops: Well, I don't think I know who to give it to, But if you two can settle it between yourselves, then you're more than welcome to have it.
Mordecai: Yeah, let's play punches.
Rigby: No way! I'm not playing that game with you anymore. If we're playing for something like that chair, then we need to play a game that takes a little more skill.
Mordecai: How much skill?
Rigby: Rock paper scissors.
Pops: Oh, I adore rock paper scissors. Although where I come from, we called it quartz parchment shears.
Mordecai: Alright, ready?
(Mordecai and Rigby Play quartz parchment shears one tie)
Pops: Oh my!
(Mordecai and Rigby Play quartz parchment shears two ties and Pops laugh)
Benson: Shouldn't you guys be throwing that thing away?
Pops: Benson, come quick! Quartz parchment shears and they already tied two times, it's absolutely fascinating!
Benson: I have work to do. and they shouldn't be playing that. It's an evil game.
Pops: Whoo, an evil game.
Rigby: Two ties. you don't know what I'm throwing next, baby!
Mordecai: Pfft! I already know what you're gonna throw before you even throw it, baby!
Rigby: That's not even possible, baby!
(Mordecai and Rigby Play quartz parchment shears eight ties and Pops watches in amazement; Rigby kicks the dirt)
Mordecai: Come on! (He walks away)
Pops: Good show! Jolly good show!