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Take the Cake/Transcript

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(Episode opens with the groundskeepers at Pops's House.)

Benson: This is it, people. The big day.

(Everyone begins talking to each other. He sighs at this.)

Benson (continued): Pops?

Pops: Today is my dad's birthday.

(Everyone but Pops talks to each other again)

Benson: Seriously? Does no one read the emails I send out? 

(Everyone mumbles in response) 

Benson (continued): Anyway, everybody knows that Mr. Maellard loves surprises. But they also know that he's impossible to surprise.

Pops: It must be from his time in the war. He says he always slept with his eyes open.

Benson: (Chuckles) That's why I've come up with the perfect plan.

(Flips the chalkboard next to him. It reads 'Fake Surprise' in large white letters.)

Benson (continued): Bam! 'Fake Surprise'. See, it'll go down like this. (We are shown what he is planning) Maellard will show up like....

Mr. Maellard: (Shaking Benson's hand) Hiya, Benson. I'm here to pick up Pops for my birthday dinner.

Benson: And I'm gonna be all, 'What? I didn't know it was your birthday'. (Takes Maellard to the Snack Bar) That's when I'll take him to the Snack Bar where (Thomas pops up and gives Benson a cupcake to Maellard) bam! Fake surprise. (Benson drives Maellard to the house) He'll be so thrown off by it he won't suspect a thing when I take him to the real party.

(The groundskeepers are partying)

Mr. Maellard: Wow, Benson. That was the perfect surprise. (Hands Benson a bag of money) Here's a million dollars.

(Plan ends. Benson still continues to narrate what he thinks would happen next.)

Benson: Gee thanks, Mr. Maellard. You know, it was nothing really.

Skips: (Clears his throat) Ahem.

Benson: Uh, so yeah. That's how we're gonna do it.

Pops: (Clapping) Oh, that plan sounds wonderful, Benson.

Benson: Alright. Time for your assignments. Skips, set up the table. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost, go buy balloons. Mordecai and Rigby, you're picking up the cake.

Rigby: Really?

Benson: Yeah. It's prepaid and everything. All you have to do is pick it up. (Gives Rigby the receipt) Just give them the receipt and bring the cake back. That's it.

Rigby: Aw, yeah!

Mordecai and Rigby: ♪Picking up the cake, picking up the cake! Picking up the cake, gonna do it great!♪

Benson: Just pick up the cake and try not to ruin my big day.

Mordecai: I thought it was Maellard's day.

Benson: JUST PICK UP THE CAKE!

(Cut to Top Tier Cakes. Mordecai and Rigby walk in. There's a long line of people.)

Rigby: Man, this place is packed! Why does everyone need a cake so bad?

Mordecai: (Looks at the receipt) Dude, check it out. This cake Benson ordered is crazy expensive.

Rigby: $130?!

Mordecai: Yeah. Benson's really going all out.

Rigby: Hey, Mordecai, check out that line. (He points at the sign) Nobody's in it.

Mordecai: It saids "Pre Paid", so yeah; let's do it.

Man: I got my cake, I got my cake!

(As a female customer is about to talk, Mordecai and Rigby switch over to the Pre Paid Order stand)

Mordecai: Excuse me, I'm here to pick up a cake.

Female Employee: Oh, if you have a pre paid order receipt, I can get that for you.

Mordecai: Yeah, we do!

(Female employee takes receipt)

Female Employee: Okay, it'll be just a minute.

Female Customer: Excuse me, I was here before they were.

Female Employee: Sorry ma'am, but pre paid customers take priority.

(She walks away to pick up the cake)

Female Customer: Hey, you two! (Mordecai and Rigby look up at her) That's right, I'm talking to you, bozos. You just cut the line.

Mordecai: Uuuhhhh....

Female Customer: Get back here and take a number like everybody else.

Mordecai: We didn't cut in line. This is the pre paid line.

Female Customer: Ho, ho. That's a fine excuse for a bunch of LINE CUTTERS!

Mordecai: Look, we didn't cut, okay?! This is a separate line for people with pre paid receipts.

(All of the other customers murmur in agreement and start lining up at the pre paid order stand)

Female Customer: But...

(The female employee returns with a cake box)

Female Employee: Alright, here you go.

(She opens the box with a cake inside that says: "Happy b-day Mr. Maellard")

Mordecai and Rigby: Woaaaaahhhh....

Female Employee: Also, you guys get our last free cake pastries.

(Gives the pastries to Rigby)

Female Customer: This is ridiculous! I've been here longer than anybody!

Female Employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, but the sign says pre-paid customers get tended to first, so maybe you should learn how to read.

Rigby and Everyone: WOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(The female customer gets angry)

Mordecai: (Nervously) Haha, okay, thanks for the cake. Bye!

(He and Rigby run out with the cake box. They then tie the cake on top of the cart and begin to drive away.)

Mordecai (continued): H-hey, I say this job was a piece of cake.

Rigby: (Munches on the pastry) Yeah, it was.

Mordecai and Rigby: Hahahahahaa.

Mordecai: Hand me one of them victory pastries.

Rigby: Uuuhhhh....

Mordecai: Aw, man, did you eat both of them?

Rigby: Sorry, the second one just fell in my mouth.

Mordecai: Augh! You're the worst.

(Suddenly, the female customer from Top Teir Cakes drives up in her car and bumps into the cart)

Rigby: What the?!

(She growls, and the car roof falls off)

Female Customer: LINE CUTTERS! (She picks up a cake knife) LINE CUTTERS ARE GONNA GET CUT!

Rigby: AAAAAHHHH! She's got a cake cutter! Let's get outta here!

Mordecai: Time to shake this cake witch!

(He pumps the gas pedal and passes the green car. She then bumps the green car off the road, and it explodes as they scream and turn to the left. She growls as she sees a Road Closed sign.)

Female Customer: Wait, what does it say? I wish I could read!

(She drives past the Road Closed sign and falls into a small hole in the road. Mordecai and Rigby drive into an alley and accidentally bump into a hole. The cake box slips off the top of the cart and the cake splatters all over the alley road as they gasp.)

Alley Leader: Ooooooooooooh! Road cake!

(People come out from their hiding places in the alley. They approach the road cake and start mooching off it. Mordecai and Rigby scream as they run to them. The alley leader's phone rings.)

Alley Leader (continued): Time for the meeting with accounting! If we're late, Tokyo will drop the deal Come on!

(They go to their car and drive off. Mordecai and Rigby look at the damaged cake.)

Mordecai: Oh, boy.

(Cut to the house, where Mr. Maellard rolls up to Benson in his limo.)

Benson: Hell, Mr. Maellard.

Mr. Maellard: Where's Pops? We're gonna be late to my birthday dinner.

Benson: Birthday? It's your birthday today?

Mr. Maellard: Yes. But I'm sure you don't have anything planned.

Benson: (laughs) Of course, how could I? I only just now found out about it. Just now. But you know what? I think Pops is at the Snack Bar. Let me take you there.

Mr Maellard: Mmm. Let's go see "Pops at the snack bar".

Benson: Right this way.

(Mr. Maellard goes to the cart. Benson whips out his walkie talkie.)

Benson (continued): I'm taking Papa Eagle out to the field. We'll be back at the nest shortly. Do you copy? 

Skips: (via walkie talkie) Who's the eagle again.

Benson: (sighs) Maellard is the eagle. It was in the e-mail!

(Benson grunts and heads off. We cut to the kitchen, where CJ and Eileen are with Mordecai and Rigby.)

CJ: Okay. So I get that you don't have enough money for a new cake, but you really don't know how to make one? Isn't it like, one of your food groups?

Rigby: Hey! Less judgy, more cakey!

Mordecai: There's not a lot of time. Can you help us or not?

Eileen: Does angel food cake cool upside down?

Mordecai and Rigby: Uhh...

Eileen: Yes. The answer is yes.

(A montage begins of everyone pitching in to make a new cake. When the montage ends, the finished result is a four-layer cake.)

Rigby: You guys are awesome. This is even better than the cake Benson bought. He should be paying us!

Mordecai: Come on, let's get this outside.

(Eileen opens the door for Mordecai and CJ to get the cake outside, but because the cake is too wide, they are not sure how to get through the door.)

Rigby: Eileen, what did you do? It doesn't fit out the door!

Eileen: Hey, I can't do the math if I don't have the whole equation.

Rigby: Ughhh!

Benson: (via walkie talkie) I'm taking Papa Eagle out to the field. We'll be back at the nest shortly. Do you copy?

Skips: (via walkie talkie) Who's the eagle again?

(Cut to the party area.)

Benson: (via walkie talkie) Maellard's the eagle. It's in the e-mail!

Skips: He knows I don't do e-mail.

Hi Five Ghost: Where are Mordecai and Rigby?

Pops: Oh, they should have brought the cake by now.

Skips: (sighs) Let's got find 'em.

(Cut back to the kitchen. Pops, Skips, Muscle Man and Fives come inside.)

Pops: Oh, there you are!

Muscle Man: What's the holdup, bros?

Rigby: It's not our fault! The cake won't go outside!

Skips: How'd it get inside?

Rigby: That's not important!

Mordecai: Look, we just need to get it outside before Benson shows up with Mr. Maellard. Does anyone have any ideas?

(No one says anything.)

Muscle Man: Way to go, dudes. You really messed up big.

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah. Benson's gonna be really bummed out.

(Mordecai and Rigby groan.)

Rigby: If only there was a way to--outside cake!

Pops: Oh, I might have something, then!

(In Pops' room, he get ssomething out of the closet.)

Pops (continued): Aha! Here it is!

Rigby: What is it?

(Pops is holding a box that says "KIMMEL - Handy Dandy Matter Mover".)

Pops: it's my Handy Home Matter Mover. I got it in the 1950s.

(Flashback to the 1953 World's Fair, where a salesman is promoting the product.)

Salesman: Gather 'round! Gather 'round!

(A younger Pops observes from the front.)

Salesman (continued): What you see before you will revolutionize how you move things! Let me introduce the Handy Home Matter Mover!

Pops: Oh, my!

Salesman: Does this sound familiar?

(A lady is carrying three kids while standing between a bouquet of flowers and an empty table.)

Salesman (continued): Say the missus wants to put a vase of flowers on the dining room table, but she has her hands full with the kids.

(The lady turns around in a clueless way.)

Pops: Hmm.

Salesman: Well all you have to do is key in the coordinates, aim and hit the switch.

(The machine teleports the vase and kids to the table, but as a result, they appear jumbled up. The crowd seems unimpressed.)

Pops: I'll take it!

(The flashback ends.)

Mordecai: A teleporter?! It's perfect!

(Mordecai and Rigby hmph. Cut to the snack bar, where Benson is driving Mr. Maellard. Thomas ducks down.)

Mr. Maellard: Well, I don't see Pops out here.

Benson: Are you sure? Maybe you should check behind the counter.

(Thomas clears his throat and pops out with a cupcake.)

Thomas: Surprise!

(Mr. Maellard chuckles and takes the cupcake.)

Mr. Maellard: That was a good one.

Benson: Heh, right? And you thought I forgot your birthday.

Mr. Maellard: Well, it's certainly thoughful of you to come up with this one surprise for me.

(Benson laughs.)

Benson: It's no trouble. One surprise is the least I can do. Let's head back to the house for Pops.

(They head back to the cart.)

Mr. Maellard: Yes, I'm sure Pops is very lonely waiting all by himself.

Thomas: Oh! Oh, wait for me!

(He tumbles out of the Snack Bar and runs off.

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