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Tants/Transcript

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(The episode begins with a screenshot of the exterior of the house. Videogame music is heard playing)

(The scene cuts to the TV, where it shows a tan baseball player, a green baseball player, and a fire pit. The green baseball player releases a projectile and the tan baseball player jumps into the fire pit.)

(The scene cuts to Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, HFG, and Thomas, who is still in his pizza costume. They all groan in disappointment. Then everyone stares at Thomas.)

Muscle Man: I told you to jump over the fire pit Thomas, not fall into it.

Pops: (Off-screen) Happy Park-iversarry!

(He runs into the living room with gifts, laughing)

Thomas: (Looking at Mordecai and Rigby)  What's a Park-iversarry?

Rigby: Dude, "Park-Anniversary". Just break it down.

Mordecai: (Whispering to Thomas) Pops is gonna give out really lame gifts, but just pretend like you like it or you'll hurt his feelings.

(To Pops)

Mordecai (continued): Hey, Pops! Happy Park-iversarry!

Pops: I come bearing gifts! I've picked out just the right presents for all of you.

(Pops gives presents to Muscle Man, HFG, and Thomas)

Pops (continued): Oh, I can't wait! (Waving his arms) Open them! Open them!

Muscle Man: (Pulls out a can) Oh ho! Gag Peanut Brittle where a snake pops out!

(He opens the can of peanut brittle with his eyes closed, but nothing comes out)

Muscle Man (continued): ...Or regular peanut brittle. Thanks, Pops.

Hi-Five Ghost: (He goes through his bag to find green socks with red toe tips, a smiley face, and text saying "Be Smiley") Wow! Novelty socks.

Thomas: (He pulls out a mermaid figurine) A mermaid statues made of shells? Man, this is...super neat! Thanks, Pops!

Pops: When in doubt, buy shells. (Ducks down) Now for Mordecai and Rigby's gifts.

(He lifts up two gift bags)

Pops (continued): I think you're really going to like these.

(Mordecai and Rigby grab their gifts)

(Rigby begins ripping the wrapping paper. He sees a box with the text "TANTS CO." in red and sees a man eating a turkey with tants on. He begins reading the text on the box.) 

Rigby: "Dare to dine anywhere with flare in Tants!" "The pants that are also a table!"

Mordecai: Uh, they're great, Pops.

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