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This page is the transcript for "The Best VHS in the World".


Movie Shack Hut Employee: Huh, well if it ain't Mordo and Rigs. Hey, is it V-H-fest time again already?

Mordecai: Yeah, dude.

Rigby: Check out our picks.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Hmm, let's see what we've got here! (looks at the tapes, beginning with Ciao Chow) Ooh, great director. (looks at Future War 4) Ah, that's a good one. (goes to Re-Exploder) Pre-Exploder was better. (finally moves on to Let Me Axe You Something, which has a "formatted to fit your TV" blurb on the box) Huh? What the heck, man? Pan and scan? Dude, letterbox! Always! Membership card, por favor. (scans card, error occurs)

Mordecai and Rigby: Beep, beep?

Movie Shack Hut Emplyee: Looks like you dudes have an overdue video. (He types in their card number for results) The Best VHS in the World. Out for 2 months?

Mordecai: What?

Mordecai and Rigby: The Best VHS in the World?

(Cuts to flashback of clip from the tape of a grey pug driving in a car being chased by the police. He drives off a dock and getting zapped into a spaceship. The pug barks and spaceship explodes. Cuts to title card with voiceover saying "The Best VHS in the...WOOORLD!")

Mordecai: Dude, this blows, take it out! Why'd you pick this one anyways?

Rigby: Dude, because it's called "The Best VHS in the World", plus it's made of gold plastic.

Mordecai: Next.

(Rigby throws tape at the wall and flashback ends.)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Look, you guys need to return the tape and pay the late fee.

Rigby: But we can't afford a late fee!

Mordecai: Yeah, and what it we can't find it?

Movie Shack Hut Emplyee: Then you leave me no choice. (He pulls out a pair of scissors and threatens to cut their membership card in half.)

Mordecai and Rigby: STOP!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Why should I?

Rigby: All we have is a VCR and you're the only place in town that still rents tapes.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Oh, yeah. All those other places upgraded to "dee vee dee".

Mordecai: Dude, we'll find it! I think I remember where it is suddenly.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Hmmm.

Rigby: Pleeeeease!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (sigh) Fine, but it's only because you dudes appreciate superior video formats. Get it back here ASAP and I won't cancel your membership. I'll even waver the fee.

Rigby: You won't regret this.

(He and Mordecai run off.)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: I'd better not, OR YOU'LL NEVER RENT ANOTHER TAPE HERE EVER AGAIN!

Mordecai: (pointing at the wall) Didn't you throw it over there?

Rigby: (groans) I don't see it.

Mordecai: It's gotta be around here somewhere. Check the VCR.

Rigby: Nothin'

Mordecai: (groans) Benson probably put it in our room. (they walk upstairs to their beyong cluttered room) Aw, man. Do you have any idea where it could be?

Rigby: No, I can't even find my bed.

Mordecai: There's just too much junk everywhere.

Rigby: Maybe it's in this empty pizza box. Aw, there's my buttcheek pants, but no VHS.

Mordecai: I know what we have to do.

Rigby: Skip count?

Mordecai Clean the room.

Rigby': (groans while rolling around on the floor) That's the worst, you're the worst. (groans) Why don't we just pay for the stupid tape?

Mordecai: That's not a bad idea.

(phone rings back at the Movie Shack Hut and the employee answers it)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Movie Shack Hut.

Mordecai: It's Mordecai.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Dude, the game is changed, I need that tape back by 9:00. My manager's doing inventory after we close and he'll call collections agency if he finds out it's missing.

Mordecai: What would it cost to just replace the tape?

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (sigh) You're not gonna like it.

Mordecai: Dude, just tell me.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: One...thousand...dollars.

Mordecai: A thousand dollars!?

Movie SHack Hut Employee: It's a rare and out-of-print VHS; a piece of film history!

Mordecai: It's a piece alright.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Just find it by tonight. I hear those guys break thumbs.

(Mordecai groans)

Rigby: What'd he say?

Mordecai: We either return the video, pay a thousand dollars, or have our thumbs broken.

Rigby: (starts hyperventilating and rummaging through junk) We don't have that kind of money, and I really enjoy my thumbs.

Mordecai: Dude, dude, chill. How are we gonna find the tape in here if you're just gonna panic and make a bigger mess?

Rigby: Give me one better idea than panicking.

Mordecai: We're gonna buckle down and methodically clean this room until we find that tape.

Rigby: (scoughs) Fine, we'll do this the "right way" or whatever.

(Montage of the two cleaning the room and searching through a drawer, under a pillow and the bed. They stuff all their junk in the closet and find one shirt lying on the floor. They walk over and pick it up, only to find an old peanut butter sandwich.)

Rigby: Woah, I remember this.

Mordecai: I guess that's it. There's no other place it could be. We only have a few hours left. Now what?

Rigby: (gasp) What if somebody in the house borrowed it?

Mordecai: Dude, yeah! Let's split up and ask everybody.

Muscle Man: Dude where are the balls your supposed to bring them.

High Five Ghost: Well wheres your racket.

Muscle Man: Im not talking about rackets im talking about balls.

High Five Ghost: But badminton dosent have balls.

Muscle Man: What im not playing a game that dosent have balls in it.

Mordecai: Dudes Dudes shut up and listen did you ever burrow the best VHS in the world from me and Rigby

Muscle Man: No way loser

Mordecai: [ Sighs ] thanks for nothing

Muscle Man: Your welcome for nothing.

Pops: Hmm now where did i put my Winter Hats.

Rigby: Pops did you burrow the best VHS in the world from us

Pops: VH Who

Rigby: Never Mind

Benson: No i havent seen your dumb movie i have my own problems like the extension cord for the drill i cant find. And this stupid ventilation system that rattles all the time. I think we might have rats.

[ Ventilation System Rattles ] [ Mordecai and Benson Cough ]

Benson: Oh great

Skips: Hey have any of you guys seen my bass amp anywhere.

Mordecai: No did you burrow the best VHS in the world.

Skips: No that movies terrible.

[ Mordecai runs away and Sighs ]

Mordecai: Alright lets regroup oh what Rigby you messed up everything.

Rigby: Dude it wast me.

Mordecai: Yeah Right.

Rigby: What does that mean.

Mordecai: It means i dont believe you.

Rigby: I said i didn't do anything [ Punches Mordecai and then his face

Mordecai: Dude [ gets punched in the face by Rigby] Thats it.

Both fight and punch each other

Mordecai: This is all your fault! It was your idea to rent The Best VHS In The World!

Door cracks open

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Did you say "The Best VHS In The World"?

Mordecai: Yeah

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: [ Laughs Evilly ] thats my favorite movie

Mordecai: Dude, that's ours. We have to take it back to the video store.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Huh.

Rigby: We need that tape.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: No NO [ Slams door shut ]

Mordedai and Rigby see Buttonwillow McButtonwillow closing the vent door

Mordecai: Stop him

Mordecai and Rigby throw ventilation door away and Buttonwillow McButtonwillow pulls a scary face at them making his eyes straight lines and his mouth open with sharp teeth. and mordecai and rigby are shocked and moves away Buttonwillow McButtonwillow runs away and mordecai and rigby follow after him.

Rigby: There he is cmon Mordecai

Mordecai struggles to climb in but makes it.

Both crawl in ventilation following Buttonwillow McButtonwillow

Mordecai: Keep going

Buttonwillow Mcbuttonwillow turns left and is a 45 degree angle down. Mordecai sighs

Benson hears banging in the Ventilation System

Benson: Im gonna need bigger mouse traps

Mordecai and Rigby see him go down a 90 degree slope down

Rigby: Oh man

Mordecai: Wherever the tape goes we go

Mordecai and Rigby do Paper Scissors Rock to see who goes down first. Rigby loses and sighs. Mordecai smiles and watches rigby going down then he goes down screaming and landing on some objects people in the house were looking for.

Mordecai: Muscle Mans Racket

Rigby: Pops Winter Hat

Mordecai and Rigby See TV with tape cover. Both run towards TV.

Mordecai: There it is.

Mordecai: It,s not in the box.

Rigby: Nothing man.

Lightning Sounds.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Get out of my lair.

Rigby: Show yourself.

Mordecai: Give us back the Tape.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Ill never give you the best VHS in the world. Its my Favorite.

Rigby: Dude its not even yours give it back.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: You dont deserve it. i saw you throw it away.

Mordecai: Thats only cos it was horrible.

Rigby: We still want it back.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Make me.

Mordecai and Rigby scream as everywhere turns to pitch black.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Ill prove to you it inst lame.

Lights to a desk turn on

Mordecai: Huh.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Check out the desk. Thats right in a published author and i think its awesome.

Mordecai: Dude you just stapled this together yourself.

Rigby: Nobody's gonna red your lame fanzy man.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: For gaining readership.

Mordecai: Whatever i bet this is the only copy

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: But look at all the art i painted inspired by it.

3 Lights turn on to show paintings

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: This one is of me and the best VHS in the world. This is me pointing at it. And heres one of what i think Hawaii looks like. Well what do you think.

Mordecai: Maybe take some life drawing classes.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I dont care what you have to say.

Rigby: Dude not again.

Mordecai: We gotta find the light switch.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Art is subjective you know. you dont come into my lair and sulk my art and my favorite VHS. And live now die die die die. die.

Mordecai and Rigby pulls Benson's Extension Cord from his speaker and he falls over.

Mordecai: Due its over give us the tape.

Rigby: Yeah

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: No.

Mordecai: Dude look at yourself your going crazy over that tape and its not any good.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: No your wrong it is good this tape is everything to me and if i cant have it. NO ONE CAN.

Gets Angry and Lights a Fire Straight out of his Finger.

Rigby: No

Mordecai: You cant do that if we dont return that tape we lose our video store membership.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Video Store.

Mordecai and Rigby: Uh Yeah Yeah.

Rigby: Its a magical place filled with videos and there all better than that one.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: What have you read the title.

Mordecai: Dude they just put that on a lame video to get people to rent it.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: SILENCE. I wont let you guys trick me.

Mordecai: I know you really love that tape. We love tapes too. weve seen hundreds of them. and thats one of the worst.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: So everthing i know was a lie.

Mordecai: Theres a whole world of VHS tapes out there for you to see havent you ever wondered what its like outside your cave.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Its true there are times when ive pondered with other tapes my hold.

Mordecai: Dude if you give us the tape we can show you.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I could experience the outside world where dogs drive cars and ufo,s pepper the skies.

Rigby: UFO,s totally pepper the skies. now will you please just give us the tape.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Well old friend we had a good run. its time to go back to where you came from. and me well dont you worry about old Buttonwillow McButtonwillow.

Rigby chuckles at his name and Mordecai punches his arm and then cuts to the scene at the Movie Shack Hut.

Ending

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Thanks for returning the video, hombres. (Hands Mordecai no Rigby their membership card) Here's your card back.

Mordecai and Rigby: Wooooooah!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (hands Buttonwillow a card with his name on it) And here's one for you, dude.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: What is this?

Mordecai: It's a membership card, man. With that, you can rent any video you want.

(Buttonwillow giggles and runs over to shelves of tapes, then runs back to the counter)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: So, what do you wanna rent, little dude?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I would like The Best VHS in the World.

(End of The Best VHS in the World)