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The Christmas Special/Transcript

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This page is the transcript for "The Christmas Special".

Part 1

(The episode begins with Santa's Workshop on a snowy day, but then it explodes. The alarms go off, and a man in a winter jacket (which is covering up his face), and goggles is running away with a big red present. He escapes the destroyed workshop and uses a gun to destroy the lock to a door, which leads to a building where a bunch of airplanes and Santa's sleigh with the reindeer are. He heads to the outer limits of the North Pole, where he takes his goggles off and unzips his coat, revealing he's an elf named Quillgin. Before he looks inside the present, the sleigh is hit by a man (Santa) on a flying snowboard with a scarf and bigger goggles (also hiding his face). He jumps in the sleigh and grabs the present before Quillgin can get it, and removes his goggles and scarf)

Santa: I can't let you do this, Quillgin.

Quillgin: You don't have a choice!

(Quillgin trips Santa and the two fight for the present, but Quillgin hits Santa's neck with his foot, and prepares to open the present)

Santa: Rudolf, deine nase!  (Use your nose!) 

(Rudolf uses his nose to blast Quillgin's hand, and Santa grabs the present and jumps off the sleigh; Quillgin shoots 3 bullets in Santa's stomach, making him pass out)

Quillgin: Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.

(Scene cuts to the house with decorations on it, and 3 cars parked by the stairs; Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree is playing in the background; the kitchen is filled with guests, along with MM and Skips; MM drops a Santa cookie, which makes it break)

Muscle Man: Man, these cookies are great! You know who else makes great cookies? My... uncle's bakery, on Fifth and Western. You been there?

(Goes to the living room and Benson and Audrey are seen talking to each other.)

Audrey: Oh, my gosh. That sweater is so cool.

Benson: Oh! You like it? Yeah, you know, it's just fun, festive. I like to get loose on holidays.

Audrey: I mean, that's gotta be the winner for ugliest sweater, right?

Benson: Oh! Oh yeah. Pfft. Isn't it funny how ugly it is? (Laughs then sips his soda) I'm gonna get more soda. Be right back.

(Pops is collecting the candy canes from the tree and putting them in his wallet.)

Pops: (Laughs) Christmas!

(Mordecai and Rigby rap a song to Margaret on the phone)

Mordecai & Rigby: ♫ We just wanna wish youse a Merry, Merry Christmas! M: Bells jingle! R: Kris kringle! Both: Wrap your gift like this, son! Wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap....tape, tape, bow!♫

(Mordecai picks up his phone)

Mordecai: Did you hear it? Yeah, well you gotta see it with the moves. Ha. All right, well have fun with your parents. Merry Christmas, Margaret!

Rigby: Did she like it?

Mordecai: Yeah, I think so.

(The scene goes to the kitchen with Mr. Maellard and Benson; Maellard is tucking in his scarf before heading out)

Benson: Oh, are you leaving already, Mr. Maellard?

Maellard: It's Christmas Eve and I'm a busy man. Six more parties to attend. That sweater's terrible. Good party, though.

(Mr. Maellard leaves)

Benson: Hey, I'll take it! Merry Christmas, sir! (Chuckles) Well, alright. (Goes to get a refill of soda and notices the bottle is empty) Aw, man. Thomas?

(Goes to the living room, where Thomas' head is stuck on the stair rail)

Benson: Oh, hey Thomas. Could you get some more soda from Skips' garage?

Thomas: Uh..well I'd love too...(W'iggles his head) but, uh...

Benson: Mordecai! Ri--  

(Mordecai and Rigby walk up to Benson)

Mordecai: Yeah! We'll go!

Rigby: We'll get the soda.

Benson: Oh. Okay, great. 

Mordecai: This counts as your Christmas gift from us, though.

Benson: My gift is you getting me more soda? Fine. Whatever.

M&R: Ha ha! Yes! (B'oth high-five each other)

Mordecai: Tis' better to give than to receive!

(Mordecai and Rigby leave)

Thomas: Uh... can someone give me a hand?

(Clock transition to a windy and chilly night outside; Mordecai and Rigby are on their way to Skips' garage)

Mordecai: Man, don't you just love Christmas?

Rigby: If you mean getting gifts, then yeah.

Mordecai: Dude, of course that's what I mean.

Rigby: Christmas should be, like, minimum, once a month.

Mordecai: ♫ Minimum! ♫ Huh? Dude, what is that?

(They see a meteor (Santa) crash through Skips' garage with a loud noise)

Mordecai: (Gasps) Come on.

(The two open the garage door; they look up at the hole in the ceiling and then look down where they see Santa Claus)

Both: Whoa.

Mordecai: Dude. Are you alright?

Santa Claus: (On his side) Please...take... take the box. (Turns to his back to see M&R) Take- Aw, man! You two?

Rigby: What? This box? (Picks up the present and is about to open it) What's in it? (An ominous moaning comes from inside

Santa Claus: No! (Groans) No, don't look into it! You must destroy it!

Rigby: What? Why?

Mordecai: Wait. Who are you?

Santa Claus: I'm Santa.

Mordecai: What? Santa Claus?

Santa Claus: (Sarcasticly) No! Santa McMurphy. Yes! Santa Claus! (Groans in pain)

Mordecai: Come on, you don't even look like Santa Claus.

Rigby: Yeah, Santa's all fat and junk.

Mordecai: And he smells like gingerbread cookies.

Rigby: He's got rosy cheeks.

Mordecai: Yeah, your cheeks are more bruised colored. 

Rigby: And you smell like you stepped in something.

Santa Claus: Well, sorry to disappoint you. But I was just shot at! Fell 3,500 feet and crashed through a garage. (Groans in pain) Besides, all that other stuff was just made up by advertising companies. Trust me! I'm the real Santa Claus!

Rigby: Prove it.

Santa: (Sighs) Okay, look. You're Mordecai and Rigby. I've been getting letters from you two since you were little. (Mocks them) "Dear Santa, dude, give me an invisibility cloak." "Santa, dudedon't be a jerk, just give me an invisiblity cloak."

Rigby: This is Santa!

Mordecai: Yeah, I know!

Rigby: Hey, what gives? How come we never got 'em?

Santa: Look. It's against the rules to give magical gifts.

Rigby: Whoa, even Santa has to follow rules?

Santa: You have no idea.

Mordecai: Okay, so you're Santa. But what are you doing here?

Rigby: And what's in the box?

Santa Claus: Actually its not what's in the box. But the box itself that matters. (Flashback to Santa's workshop and narrates) It all started a few months ago. I was approached by my lead toy-designer, Quillgin, who is excited about a breakthrough he'd made on his life work. The idea was simple; an empty box that when opened, would give the child what they desire most. Little did I know that the key component was a dark magic. We used a focus group to test how it would work in Christmas morning scenario. And things got ugly. The box had a power over people. (The family turns evil) It brought out worse in them. I ordered that the box be locked away, and then any work pertaining to it'd be destroyed. I should've known he'd come back for revenge. (Flashback ends) The box is in your hands now. You must destroy it. If Quillgin gets it back, he'd use its power to get what he wants most. The destruction of Christmas forever!

Mordecai: Christmas gone forever!? (Mordecai and Rigby look each other) Don't worry. You can count on us, Santa.

Rigby: Yeah, the box is in good hands.

Mordecai: Wait, where is it?

Rigby: I thought you were holding it.

Mordecai: Oops. No, here it is. (picks up the box) Haha.

Santa: Ugh! Why do I have to land in this garage?

Mordecai: Alright, c'mon. Let's get you outta here.

Santa: No, just go, leave me. The box needs to be destroyed first and for-most. (Groans in pain) Quillgin won't stop until he gets it. (Passes out)

Mordecai: Santa!

Rigby: Aw, man! He passed out!

Mordecai: (to Rigby) We gotta find help! C'mon!

(They run to the house; Scene goes the others walking to the garage)

Mordecai: C'mon, everybody. He's in here.

(when they arrive, Santa is gone)

Benson: Santa, huh? You guys would make up anything to get out of work.

Mordecai: He was right here.

Rigby: Maybe he's just hiding somewhere.

Muscle Man: Weak prank, bros.

Pops: I agree. Bad show.

Mordecai: It's not a prank. Look, Santa gave us this box. It can give people whatever they want. But it turns them evil.

Benson: (Groans) Enough. Gimme that. (Takes the box from Mordecai) I bet this thing's empty. (He opens the box) What the--

Muscle Man: I wanna see! Aw, sweet!

Rigby: (tries to take the box) No!

(Muscle Man won't give it back. While they're struggling, Hi Five Ghost take it. But Pops take it from Hi Five Ghost)

Mordecai: Pops!

(Now the box is in Mordecai's hand. They all fight over the box. Finally, Skips end it)

Skips: Enough!

Benson: (Turns back to normal) Where'd you get that?

Mordecai: I told you. Santa gave it to us. Look, we need your help. We have to destroy this thing to save Christmas.

Muscle Man: Then, what are we waiting for?! 

(Muscle Man grabs a hammer and tries to destroy it, but the hammer explodes upon contact; Skips sniffs the present)

Skips:  Hmm... This box is made from dark magic. It can't be destroyed by any normal methods. It has to be taken deep beneath the earth, and cast it to a fiery molten lava.

Rigby: Where are we gonna find that?

Skips: I know a place.

(Scene cuts to the East Pines Entrance)

Rigby: Aw, here? Gene and those rival park guys are losers!

Benson: Quiet, Rigby.

Skips: The lava pit's in an abandoned mineshaft on the other side of the park. C'mon, let's go!

(They walk inside the park and a snowman is shown)

Mordecai: (to Rigby) What are you doing?

Rigby: Fixing their snowman.

(Rigby pulls the carrot like a lever and suddenly, a alarm is heard from the snowman; the employees of East Pines with weapons appear) 

East Pines Worker: Freeze! Stay away from the snowman's carrot!

(Scene goes to the garage... Quillgin is investigating)

Quillgin: The box was here. Let's move out!

(Quillgin and his helpers leave; Scene cuts to the East Pines building, We see the park employees tied up)

Gene: I can't believe it. I thought the prank war is all over, but here you come, to pull some sort of lame yuletide prank.

Benson: Look, we're not here to prank you. We're just here to destroy this box in the lava pit.

Gene: Oh, sure, that makes sense. What? Someone got you another horrible sweater for Christmas and now you wanna trash it?

Mordecai: You don't get it. This box is dangerous.

(Gene takes the box)

Rigby: Yeah.It was given to us by Santa.

Gene: Oh, Santa. Larry, open the box.

Larry: But what if it is a prank, sir?

Gene: Well, that's what I wanna find out. Now open it!

(Larry nervously open the box.)

Larry: Woah! Amazing!

Gene: Give me that!

(Gene takes the box and opens it.

Larry: Give it back!

(Larry quickly takea it from Gene)

Gene: No!

Employee: Let me have a look!

(They fight over the present)

Mordecai: Stop it! Now do you see what's happening? This is why we have to destroy the box! If it fell to the wrong hands, it could mean the end of Christmas forever.

(A alarm is heard)

Gene: What is it?

(On the security camera's footage, Quillgin and his men are attacking the employees)

Larry: Unidentified men infultrating the park, sir.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Gene: What the—Who is that?                                                                                                                              

Mordecai: (Gasps) That must be the elf who's after the box!

Rigby: That dude?! I thought he'd be a small elf!

Mordecai: C'mon, Gene! Help us! The guy's evil, dude!

(The employees of the park begin to plead)

Mordecai: Dude, don't you care about Christmas?!

Rigby: Yeah, c'mon! Christmas is at stake!

(Gene is looking at the picture of his family at Christmas; We hear the sound of someone tries to break the door and the camera screens show Quillgin and his men and the door opens)

Rigby: It's too late!

Part 2

(The door finally opens and an East Pines worker with eggnog comes in; the guys sigh)

East Pines worker: Geez, didn't you guys hear me struggling with the door? You know, speaking of doors, there's some elf dude out there trying to break in and screaming about destroying Christmas. Who wants eggnog?

Gene: Let's ride!

(He and the park gang ride to the abandoned mineshaft on snow mobiles;They arrive at the entrance)

Gene: This as far as I go.

Benson: Thanks, Gene.

Gene: Save the thanks for when you actually destroy that thing.

(Gene offers a handshake and Benson shakes his hand)

Gene: I'll hold off that elf for as long as I can. (He begins to leave and stops at the hill) Oh yeah, and one more thing. Watch out for the booby traps on the way to the lava pit!

Benson: Booby traps? What booby traps?

Gene: (He leaves and dodges Benson's question) Merry Christmas!

Pops: Maybe we shouldn't go in.

Muscle Man: Pfft, it's probably another one of Gene's lame pranks.

Mordecai: I guess we just have to find out. Come on.

(They drive their snowmobiles into the mineshaft and come to a dead end)

Rigby: Aw what? It's a dead end.

Muscle Man: Now-

(The floor collapses which leads to a slide and the guys slide until they land near the first booby trap; they all groan)

Skips: Is everyone okay?

Mordecai: Come on, let's keeping moving. (Turns and faces a skeleton) Ah!

(Mordecai backs up to the shocked guys)

Muscle Man: Chill bro. It's just a skeleton.

Benson: Yeah, someone must of put it there to scare us. Look, there's a door right past it. We just have to go around.

(Benson begins to walk forward)

Skips: DON'T!

(Benson steps on a tile and a ice spike nearly misses Benson's nose; Benson screams and jumps back)

Mordecai: This must be one of the booby traps.

Skips: (Skips to writing on the wall next to the trap) There's writing here.

Mordecai: What does it say?

Skips: (Reading) Crack the code, a door will open. One wrong step, forever broken.

Mordecai: I get it. If we step on the tiles like in the drawings, a door will open.

Benson: I'm not stepping on one of those things again.

Rigby: Let's use that guy. (Points to the skeleton) He's already dead.

Mordecai: (Holding the skeleton's legs) Alright Rigby, read me the instructions.

Rigby: Um, middle, left, left, middle, up, right, down.

(The spikes retract and the skeleton falls)

Mordecai: (Throws the skeleton away) Ugh, it's not working.

Muscle Man: (Gives Benson his sweater) Hold on to this, my mom gave it to me.

Benson: Wait, Muscle Man!

(Muscle Man jumps into the trap and begins to repeat the steps; a ice spike nearly penetrates him)

Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Skips, and Pops: Watch out!

(Muscle Man continues to repeat the steps and the door opens; the guys congratulate him as they go by)

Muscle Man: WHOO! That thing didn't even touch me!

(All of the ice spikes come out)

Muscle Man: Whoa, guys. I almost died.

Skips: Let's keep moving.

Muscle Man: No, seriously guys, did you see that? I almost died, I really almost died!

(The guys walk through the door and the floor collapses into a slide; they yell as they slide down; Scene goes to East Pines and Quillgin is looking at the security camera footage and sees Mordecai and Rigby with the present.)

Quillgin: Stop! Zoom in! (The guy zooms in and the box is shown.) There it is!

Gene: Ha ha ha ha! You'll never make it in time. They've probably destroyed the box- (Quillgin pushes Gene who is tied up in string to the ground.) Hey!

Quillgin: We're moving out.

All park members: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Mordecai: Huh?

Skips: It's another booby trap. (He reads it.) Rack up points, a bridge will flow, lose a ball, watch out below.

Mordecai: Aw, man! A pinball machine? Dude, nobody plays these things.

Rigby: Yeah, it doesn't even have a screen!

Benson: Move! (He walks over to play.) This thing is clearly before your time.

(Benson starts playing while everybody watches. Suddenly, a bridge starts coming out. Everyone smiles in amazement.)

Mordecai: Look! It's working!

Rigby: Yeah! Keep going Benson!

(All of a sudden, Benson's ball falls in. The machine buzzes. Glass behind breaks where Muscle Man is standing, and it makes him fall through. Skips pulls him back up to land.)

Rigby: Looks like it's before your time too Benson! (Mordecai punches Rigby.) Ow!

Mordecai: You got this Benson.

(Benson sighs as he starts playing much better and the score chart raises. The bridge gets even longer.)

Hi Five Ghost: Uh, guys? (Everyone turns around and sees Quillgin and his people.)

All park members: Huh!

Quillgin: Give me the box!

Benson: Everybody, go! Now!

(All park members except for Benson start running across the bridge.)

Quillgin: Get them!

(Benson continues roughly with his game while Quillgin's people are after Mordecai and Rigby. Eventually all the balls fall in and Benson runs for his life while Quillgin's people are pointing guns at him. The surface on Quillgin's people collapse and they all fall in a pit and die. Benson makes it through with all his employees. Quillgin is the only one able to get back to surfaces but sees that everyone made it and the whole bridge is now all gone.)

Quillgin: Nooooooooooo!

Benson: (Going down another slide.) WOOAAAHH!!!!!!

Mordecai: Dude, that was close.

(Skips walks over to another booby trap.)

Skips: We made it to the final trial.

Mordecai: What does it say?

Skips: Wrestle a bear, don't lose.

Mordecai: (Looking nervous.) Wait, what?

(An extremely tall, white bear walks out of the cave and roars a thunderous roar.)

Muscle Man: We're supposed to fight that?

Pops: Oh I will gladly participate.

Benson: But Pops, against the bear!? That's not a fair match!

Pops: All men are beasts on a wrestling match. (He takes off his hat and jacket and gives it to Benson to hold.)

Rigby: Good luck!

(Pops walks over to where the bear is and sees him warming up.)

Rigby: Dude, he's totally dead.

Mordecai: Rigby!

Pops: Alright, Bear! I accept your challenge!

(They begin to fight. They both try to push each other, but none of them are successful. Pops tries to push the Bear up, but the Bear just grabs him, throws him to the ground and gives another thunderous roar. It leaves all park members with there mouths' hanging open. The bear grabs Pops and pushes him to the ground.)

Muscle Man: Oh no bro! He's not gonna make it!

Benson: Wait, look!

(Pops pushes himself back up.)

Pops: Good show Bear, but this is a match you cannot win!

(The Bear gives a thunderous roar, and Pops is able to force it to the ground, then choking its neck so it could not get back up. The Bear struggles to get back up, and it eventually just gives up.)

Pops: Pinned!

(All the park members cheer and rush over to him.)

Benson: Pops, that was incredible!

Pops: It was no trouble.

Rigby: Uh, guys, it's getting back up again.

Bear: You have completed all the tasks, and have been proven worthy. You may proceed.

(A large hole on his chest then opens, and light shines. Mordecai looks into it and finds a tunnel.)

Mordecai: Aw, what? Another slide?

(Skips pushes Mordecai onto the slide.)

Skips: Just go.

(At the bottom of the slide, Mordecai finds the lava pit.)

Mordecai: Woah!

(All the other members come over.)

Muscle Man: Finally. The lava pit.

Benson: Let's get this thing done, and go home.

(Out of nowhere, Quillgin points a gun at them.)

Quillgin: Not so fast!

All park members: Huh?

Benson: What? How did you?

Quillgin: I used the stairs.

(All the park members turn around and find a staircase.)

All park members: Aw, man!

Quillgin: You all had me going on quite a goose chase didn't you? But it looks like your luck has run out. Now, hand over the box.

Rigby: No, don't do it Mordecai!

Quillgin: Enough! It's mine! It belongs to me! Don't make me do something drastic.

Benson: Mordecai, he has a gun. We did our best, just give him the box.

Mordecai: (He sighs) Sorry Santa.

(He walks over to Quillgin to hand over the box.)

Quillgin: That's it.

(All of a sudden, a loud noise is heard.)

Mordecai: Huh?

Quillgin: What the? Ay! Uh! (He throws his gun into the lava pit)

Rigby: What the heck was that?

Mordecai: I don't know.

(All of a sudden, Santa Claus appears out of invisibility clothes)

Santa Claus: Ha Ha! Hey guys!

Mordecai: Santa!

Benson: Oh, my!

Pops: It's really him!

Rigby: Hey... I thought you said you couldn't make invisibility clothes.

Santa Claus: Well you totally make them. (He slides down to where all the park members and Quillgin are standing.)

Santa Claus: I just said we couldn't give them as gifts.

Quillgin: No! You're supposed to be dead! I shot you!

Santa Claus: That's right! If it were for you I'd be wearing one of these!

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