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The End of Muscle Man/Transcript

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(Episode begins with Benson, Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man and Fives at Pops' house.)

Benson: Ok, guys. I think we've all noticed that it smells like something died under the house, and it's gonna take a team effort to get rid of it. Muscle Man,...

Muscle Man: Hold up, Benson. I got some news.

(He gets up and walks over to Benson, while the others look at each other. He takes out a paper.) 

Muscle Man (continued): I wanted to let you all know that I've smelled my own whiff of departure. And I too have a list of things I wanna get done by the end of the day.

(He gives the list to Benson.)

Benson: "Dance on giant toy piano mat. Drive a monster truck. Get comfortable with my body"? That one's crossed out.

Rigby: What's going on, Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: I went to see Dr. Henry, and, well, I leave this world tonight. It's all going down at Wing Kingdom at 7 o' clock.

Hi Five Ghost: You mean like you're leaving the world or the Park? The world or the Park, right?

Muscle Man(Sighs) I wish I could say more.

Mordecai: Dude?

Muscle Man: Take a few minutes to go over the list while I get my papers in order. I hope I can count on your support today.

(Muscle Man leaves)

Rigby: I don't buy it. He's gotta be messing with us.

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah, why would he keep something like that from me? I mean, you guys are secondary friends, so I get that, but he'd tell me at least.

Skips: Ah, you know how he is. He likes to put up a strong front. (looks up the list) Swimming with dolphins. Heh heh. He really should do that before he--.

(He stops)

Pops: Before what, Skips? Before what?!

(All of a sudden, a portal opens up and Death drives out with his motorcyle. He steps off.)

Death: Any of you lot know where I might find Muscle Man?

Hi Five Ghost: Uh, uh, he's not here! He moved! Name change and everything, so just go on home, ok? Just go on home!

(Death laughs)

Death: Don't tell me he got cold feet. Hey, no matter. We'll just stick to the original plan for tonight, of Wing Kingdom.

Benson: What? You're in on this?

Death: Oi. Muscle Man's time has come. I've been where he's going. It's a frutal place full of misery and anguish. Oh well, haha, have a good one.

(He gets back on his motorcycle and drives back through the portal.)

Rigby: Bucket list? He leaves this world tonight? And now he has an appointment with Death?!

Skips: You don't need a pen to connect those dots.

Hi Five Ghost: I can't lose my best friend! Who would I spot at the gym?

Benson: Hey...

Hi Five Ghost: Who would eat my leftovers? I can't just throw them away!

(Benson places a hand on Fives.)

Benson: Don't, stop. That helps no one. What Muscle Man needs right now is friends who can hold it together and be strong for him.

(Fives stays strong.)

Benson (continued): And most importantly, he needs friends who will help him finish his bucket list.

(Benson places the list in his clipboard. We clock transition to Muscle Man's trailer, where they are all headed.)

Benson: (Enters the trailer) Muscle Man? We have to talk to you about the list. (Everyone else enters)

Muscle Man: (Inside the bathroom) Hold your horses, bro, I'm using it! (Muscle Man's phone rings) Someone take a message; I've been waiting for that call.

Hi Five Ghost: (Picking up the phone) Hello?

(Cuts to Dr. Henry's office)

Dr. Henry: Yes, hello, this is Dr. Henry. I'm trying to reach Muscle Man with some news about his condition.

Hi Five Ghost: (To Skips and Pops) It's Dr. Henry. (Back to Dr. Henry) What condition?

Dr. Henry: Well...I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you understand?

Hi Five Ghost: Just be straight with me, doc. Is it serious?

Dr. Henry: Eh...yes, very serious. Your friend Muscle Man won't be with us much longer.

Hi Five Ghost: (Worriedly) You mean...?

Dr. Henry: Yep. (Turns to window) Very soon, he'll be in a better place.

Hi Five Ghost: Thank you, doctor. (Dropping the phone, he hangs up and turns to everyone else.) It's true! (Everyone gasps) I should have seen this coming. His cholesterol must be off the charts. He ate those deep-fried pig butt cheeks every day, and I just watched him do it!

Skips: (Places a hand on Fives) You can't blame yourself.

Mordecai: Yeah, dude. Muscle Man lived life to the fullest, and I'm sure he has no regrets.

Rigby: I figured he had at least three or four years left...

Pops: (Sadly) Bad show.

(Muscle Man comes out of the bathroom after flushing.)

Muscle Man: Aw, yeah! Are you bros down to help me finish what's on that list?

Benson: (Brings out his wallet and starts to tear up) Sure, Muscle Man. Whatever you need, it's on me. This is your day.

Muscle Man: All right, let's do this!

(Starting a montage, the group goes down what's on Muscle Man's bucket list, beginning with 'Drive a monster truck'. Benson writes a check to a monster truck driver, then we pan to Muscle Man in a yellow monster truck. He fist pumps before he dirves over a row of cars, making the others clap. He then spins doughnuts and crashes into the building wall, making Benson pay extra for damage. Next on the list is 'Dance on giant toy piano mat'. In a toy store, Muscle Man hops around on a giant, red toy piano mat, then slides to the other side. Skips gives him a thumbs up. A piano transition shows and we cut to Muscle Man swimming with dolphins and eating pizza as the others watch. Cutting to the Park, Benson pays a pizza delivery guy holding nine boxes of pizza. Clock transition to the guys behind a fence, cheering, as Muscle Man wrestles an alligator, as well as feed it pizza. Mud falls as a transition, and Benson is shown receiving money from an ATM. He gives the money to a jet pack worker, who signals that Muscle Man can fly now. Muscle Man then takes off into the sky, tears streaming from his eyes. Seeing his reaction causes Benson to cry, but he's interrupted by the jet pack worker, gesturing for more money, as Muscle Man wants to go again. Muscle Man flies away, and we cut to his trailer.)

Muscle Man: All right, dudes. Now it's time to give you all my stuff. (He places a box of his stuff on his AC.)

Mordecai: Muscle Man, you should hang onto this.

Muscle Man: I can't take it with me where I'm goin'. (Tears well up as he starts to cry) Noo, no! This is a mistake! (He takes the box and throws it to the ground. The others cringe as he starts to freak out, knocking over furniture. Skips comes and grabs him as he yells.) I still have more time, right?!

Benson: Muscle Man, please hold it together! (Muscle Man whimpers and Skips puts him down.) As hard as it is, you're not alone. We're with you to the end.

Muscle Man: (Calm) You're right. I gotta get through this day the same way I lived the rest of my life: chowing down on wings with my best bros, while we all wear matching white tuxedos.

(Cut to Wing Kingdom, with everyone in their tuxedos. Muscle Man and Rigby seem to be the only ones with an appetite to eat at the moment.)

Mordecai: You havin' fun, buddy? Enjoying your wings?

Muscle Man: (Finishes off a wing) Honestly, bro, they taste bittersweet. But I just wanted to have them-(Sadly)-one last time.

Rigby: (Covers his eyes) I can't watch!

Benson: (Has eaten some wings, and places a hand on Rigby's shoulder) Don't look away, Rigby, look at him! Look at this...Muscle Man! (Muscle Man has his face burried in the wing box, eating sloppily, when he raises his head to breathe and chew. Pushing away Rigby, he continues:) This guy, from who we've all learned so much--from this guy, his joke telling, his loyalty...

Hi Five Ghost: (Near-crying) I never wanted to be anyone's best friend, until I met you.

Muscle Man: (Shaking his head) You guys...

Benson: (Stands up) No, let me finish! What we'll remember most about you more than anything else is- (Holds in a vomit) Excuse me. Your passion, Muscle Man. Your passion! If you'll all join me. (He unhooks the jacket on his tuxedo and waves it above his head. The others, minus Muscle Man, do the same, causing Muscle Man to whimper.)

(A clock on the wall shows that the time is now 6:55. Everyone now surrounds Muscle Man.)

Pops: You have a style that can't be taught, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: That's the ultimate compliment, coming from someone so dapper. (Hi-fives Pops and turns to Mordecai and Rigby) You guys really know how to kick back and bro out. I respect that.

Mordecai: (Waving) We're workaholics compared to you, dude.

Rigby: Think they got unlimited wings on the other side?

Muscle Man: I know so, bro! (Hi-fives Mordecai and Rigby with both hands and walks to Skips)

Skips: You always seemed to know a guy. I'm proud to have been one of those guys.

Muscle Man: (Wipes away a tear) Hrgh...heh. Isn't this funny? Suddenly, you're the one being open and I'm the man of few words.

Skips: (Smiling sadly) Never thought I'd see the day.

(Muscle Man hi-fives Skips with both hands and walks to Benson.)

Muscle Man: Did you mean all that stuff you said earlier, Benson?

Benson: Every word.

(The two slap hands and share a bro-hug while crying. They then break the hug and sigh, and Muscle Man walks over to Fives.)

Hi Five Ghost: (Lips quiver) I don't- (Muscle Man puts his finger on Fives' mouth.)

Muscle Man: Shh. You don't have to, bro. I know. (Fives smiles and they both hi-five together, having Muscle Man whimper afterwards.) Don't follow me. (He starts to walk towards the restrooms, making Fives wail in sadness. As he walks, flashbacks from "The Night Owl", "The Heart of a Stuntman", "Rage Against the TV", "Karaoke Video", and "Replaced" are shown. The thoughts make his eyes water and he stops at the door. The others stare on, watching him.) I love you guys! (Saying this causes the others to burst into tears as he walks through the door.)

(Everyone else continues to cry until Death walks in.)

Death: 'Ello, everyone! Where might I find Muscle Man?

Skips: (Glaring) In the back.

Pops: (Rests a hand on Skips' arm) Easy, Skips.

Death: Right, then. (Walks away)

Rigby: Dude, what're we gonna tell Starla?

(Starla and John Sorrenstein walk in, dressed up.)

Starla: Where's Mitchy? He said to be here at seven for something important.

Mordecai: You mean, you don't know?

Starla: Know what?

Hi Five Ghost: Starla, he's-

(All of the lights in the building suddenly shut off. As the restroom door opens, fog billows out, and a cart with white flowers, an ice sculpture of Muscle Man, and Muscle Man himself are being pushed by Death. Starla gasps and Death sets the cart next to a boombox. A dramatic zoom-in of Muscle Man's face occurs. Death snaps, and an object covered by a tarp appears. He pulls off the tarp to reveal a tombstome that reads, "SO LONG BROS. 'MUCSLE MAN'".)

Starla: Noo! What did you do?! (Hics, then runs up to Muscle Man.) Mitch! Mitch! Mi-i-i-i-tch! (Continues crying and climbs to Muscle Man. Skips quickly takes her away.)

John: Muscle Man's last request was that I play this tape for you all. Here goes. (Places the tape in the boombox and clicks 'play'.)

(As the music starts, Muscle Man suddenly wakes up. He stands up, rips his shirt and pants off, and confetti falls as he begins to dance.)

Pops: (Eyes wide and in awe) Like a phoenix from the flame...!

(Muscle Man continues to dance as Mordecai and Rigby stare in utter shock, their mouths hanging open. Starla's eye shadow runs down her face and Benson's confusion turns into rage.)

Muscle Man: Now!

(Death presses a red button that sends fireworks above Muscle Man. Jumping off the ice sculpture, he preforms a split in front of everyone, who are still staring in shock.)

Muscle Man: Flip it!

(John flips over the tape and plays it. Slow music plays as a disco ball appears over the others' heads.)

Death: Another one bites the dust. (Hands Muscle Man a ring) Here.

Muscle Man: Heh, heh, yeah. Thanks, bro. (Walks to Starla and takes her hands) Starla, babe, you've been by my side through thick and thin, through slick and greasy. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as my co-pilot for the rest of my days. (Starla wipes her tears on her arm.) My friends here helped me bury Muscle Man for good today. No more wild night scoop in the loop, no more homemade firecrackers. I'm a new man now, for my old lady. That new man is me, Mitch. Pleased to meet you, Starla. (Kneels on one knee)

Starla: (Sore from crying) What...?

Muscle Man: Now, Muscle Bro!

(John pulls a string that reveals a banner saying, "Marry me Starla, Love Mitch". Starla sniffles.)

Muscle Man: Starla, will you marry me?

Starla: Mmm...no.

Muscle Man: (Dumbfounded) Whaa..?! But I gave my old self a memorial for you!

Starla: And that's why I can't marry you.

Muscle Man: (Worrying) Babe!

Starla: I wanna marry the man I fell in love with. And that is Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: (Wiping away a tear) Are you for real? I can still be good old Muscle Man and have my sweet fun bun?

Starla: That's the only way!

Muscle Man: Whoa, okay. Let me try this again. (Kneels on one knee again) Starla, will you marry me, the Muscle Man me?

Starla: Yes!

Muscle Man: (Fits the ring on Starla's finger, grunting) You may have to let that out a little.

(Starla hops in Muscle Man's arms and kisses him while the others stand and watch.)

Mordecai: Wait. So Muscle Man was fine this whole time?

Muscle Man: (Finishes kissing Starla) I'm as healthy as can be!

Rigby: Then what was all that stuff with Dr. Henry?

Muscle Man: I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.

Benson: (Furious and red) Thanks? I blew twelve grand on you today!

Hi Five Ghost: Do you even know what you put us through?!

Mordecai: Yeah, Muscle Man. We all thought you were gonna die!

Muscle Man: What're you talking about, bro?

Rigby: You had an appointment with Death!

Benson: You had to 'get your papers in order'?

Muscle Man: My toilet papers! I had to fold them into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.

Death: And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.

Mordecai: (Arms crossed) Not cool, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: Oh, come on! (Holds a copy of "Metaphors for Becoming A Husband") This is textbook engagement story: you shed your bachelor self before you can get married and be a husband. All that "death" stuff was a metaphor.

Benson: "I leave this world tonight" is not a metaphor!

Muscle Man: (realisation hits) Ohhh... Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.

Rigby: Next time you die, you're on your own! Dude, that is seriously uncool...

(Everyone except for Benson, Fives, Muscle Man, and Starla leave, grumbling.)

Benson: (Sternly) You owe me twelve thousand dollars. (Walks away)

Muscle Man: (To Fives) You get it, don't you, bro?

(Fives' expression of anger turns into happiness.)

Hi Five Ghost: Best. Proposal. Ever! (Hi-fives Muscle Man)

(End of "The End of Muscle Man")

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