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The Longest Weekend/Transcript

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(The episode starts off with Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Margaret, Eileen and Starla watching "The Longest Weekend" at the movie theater)

Man in the movie: Ah, mon amor, our love is like the sun, bright and hot, but it burns everything it touches.

Woman in the movie: But it longs for its destructive heat.

Man in the movie: My darling, our love is too intense for us to be together for an extended period of time. Only a part when we understand the depths of our love.

Woman in the movie: Must you go?

Man in the movie: I must, and when I return after one weekend, our reunion will be awesome.

Woman in the movie: How awesome will it be?

Man in the movie: We can only find out after I return.

Rigby: Ugh! This movie sucks! It's called "The Longest Weekend", I thought it was going to be about a party.

Starla: Shhhhh.

Man in the movie: Adieu, monamor. (He leaves, then he stops) I can not leave you, even for a weekend.

(They run to each other, then when they kiss, they explode, and the word "Fin" appears on the screen)

Rigby: "Fin"? Fin this! (Makes a fart noise into his mouth, then Mordecai, Rigby, and Muscle Man laugh, but the girls don't)

(Everyone leaves the theater)

Mordecai: Well, that was a waste of money.

Rigby: "Longest Weekend"? More like, longest waste of time.

Mordecai: I know, that thing was like, three hours long.

Margaret: Come on, you guys, you survived.

Mordecai: Admit it, that movie was terrible.

Margaret: Okay, it was pretty bad.

Starla: I thought it was a beautiful movie, it really spoke to me.

Muscle Man: The only thing speaking to me is my stomach. (Stomach growls) What's that, boy? You want some Chili Dogs? Come on, everyone, let's go get some dogs.

Starla: Wait a minute, Mitch.

Muscle Man: Huh?

Starla: That movie made me wonder if we're taking our love for granted.

Muscle Man: What are talking about, babe?

Starla: Well we're too close, there's no space between us for our love to grow.We need to spend the weekend apart to test the strength of our love.

Muscle Man: But babe, we had plans to hang out all weekend.

Starla: If we can't get through two days apart, how are we going to stay together forever? (Margaret looks at Mordecai, while Mordecai makes a look) If we can't make it on our own, then we should break up.

Muscle Man: Uhh?

Starla: Don't you think our love is strong enough?

Muscle Man: Yeah, but--?

Starla: Then prove to me you love me by staying away from me for a weekend.

Muscle Man: You know I'll do anything for you, Starla.

Starla: Perfect. Then meet me at the clocktower Sunday at midnight. And not a moment before.

Muscle Man: Of course, b--.

Starla: Shhhh. Adieu, monamor. (Starla, Margaret and Eileen leave)

Muscle Man: Adieu.

Margaret: Uhh, are you sure this is a good idea, Starla?

Starla: Of course it is. Sometimes, you got to put love to the test.

Rigby: Whoa, harsh.

Mordecai: Yeah, are you going to be alright, Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: Pff. I'll be fine. When it comes to the ladies, sometimes you just got to play the game.

Mordecai: The game?

Muscle Man: Yeah, man. When she says "Stay away", you stay away.

Mordecai: I don't know, dude. You two spend a lot of time together.

Muscle Man: Look, who here knows more about the ladies, me or Single McSingleton?

Mordecai: Pff. Alright, Muscle Man, good luck. (Mordecai and Rigby leave)

Muscle Man: Whatever losers, I'm gonna get through this weekend no problem. And I'm gonna get through all by myself. (Takes off his shrit) Whooooo! (Throws his shirt) Whooooo! (scene cuts to Muscle Man's trailer) Alright! Time to stay away from Starla the easy way. With television. Click. (turns on TV) 

(a monster truck rally is on)

Announcer: Are you ready, couch potatoes?!

Muscle Man: Yeah, I'm ready!

Announcer: It's time for " Couples Crush" (2 monster trucks beside each other come onto the derby and crush a few cars) Their love is crushing all! There're really goin' at it! (trucks begin to bump each other like there're kissing) 

(Muscle Man starts to laugh)

Muscle Man: Oh man! (picks up phone) Starla would love this! (remembers he can't contact Starla for the weekend and hangs up the phone)

Muscle Man: Relax, Muscle Man. You gotta give your lady her space.

(starts reading a van magazine. Lady on one van turns into Starla)

Starla: Mitch! Why aren't you calling to tell me about this?

Muscle Man: (screams and tosses magazine away) Get it together, man! Get it together. (picks up bag from Wing Kingdom. Takes out a tray of chicken wings and dips one in sauce) Huh?

Starla as chicken wing: I miss you, Mitch.

(Muscle Man screams and tosses the wing at a puddle of mop water)

Starla as mop: Are you trying to ignore me?!

Muscle Man: NO!!

Starla as watermelon: Oh, really? Then why haven't you called?

Muscle Man: But you said if I did, we'd have to break up!

Starla as cloud: Mitch! (Muscle Man looks out his window) I didn't mean it.

Starla as lamp: Call me!

Starla as bowling ball: Just pick up the phone!

Starla's voice: Mitch. I miss you!

Muscle Man: (runs out of his trailer, screaming)

(scene cuts to Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG, drinking sodas)

HFG: (beatboxing)

Mordecai and Rigby: Ch-ch-ch-chillin'!

Mordecai: Chillin' in the pool!

Mordecai and Rigby:Ch-ch-ch-chillin'

Rigby: Drinkin' sodas, lookin' cool!

Mordecai and Rigby: Ch-ch-ch-chillin'!

Mordecai: (sets soda into a paper bag) Paper bag and do it right!

Mordecai and Rigby: Ch-ch-ch-chillin'!

Rigby: Paper bag"ll keep the soda cold all night!

Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG: WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (start laughing) (Muscle Man comes in)

Mordecai: Chillin'.

Muscle Man: Dudes! Dudes, I need your help!!

Rigby: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill out, Muscle Man.

HFG: Yeah, have a soda.

Mordecai: Here ya go! ( throws a soda to Muscle Man, but he does not catch it)

Muscle Man: This isn't the time for soda! This "Starla" thing is freaking me out! I see her everywhere! In my soup, in my chicken nuggets, it's driving me crazy! If I don't get some help, I'm gonna call her and she's gonna dump me!

Mordecai: Dude, it's only for the weekend. We'll help you through this.

Rigby: You can count on us!

Muscle Man: Thanks, guys.

(montage of Muscle Man's attempts of contacting Starla and Mordecai getting rid of things Muscle Man can contact Starla with, except the computer because Benson came in not looking too happy)

(scene cuts to the coffee shop) 

Starla: Why hasn't Mitch called me yet?! Doesn't he love me?

Eileen: Oh, Starla. Muscle Man totally loves you.

Starla: Then why hasn't he called me yet?

Margaret: Because you said if he did, you'd dump him.

Starla: Well I didn't mean it! He should know the difference between me meaning things and me not meaning things.

Margaret: Starla, there's no way he can guess what you're thinking all the time. That's impossible.

Starla: (with big eyes) It should be possible.

Margaret: Oh, come on! If you miss him so much, why don't you just call him?

Starla: Because it's a test of our love!!

(scene cuts back to Muscle Man's trailer where the guys are playing cards)

Muscle Man: Yo, Rigby! Got any 3's?

Rigby: Hmmm... Go Fish.

Muscle Man: Uh! (throws down cards) I'll be in my trailer. (goes into trailer)

(Mordecai's phone rings)

Mordecai: Oh! I better take this. (answers phone. It is Margaret.) Hey Margaret! How's Starla?

Margaret: Not so good.

Mordecai: (sighs) Muscle Man's not doing much better.

Margaret: This is so dumb.

Mordecai: Yeah! I can't believe their doing this over a lame movie.

Margaret: I know! If two people like each other, they should just be together.

Mordecai: Yeah! Like us. Uh, I mean if we liked each other, we would totally be together and it wouldn't even be a big deal. I mean or if anyone liked each other. (chuckles nervously)

Margaret: Are you feeling okay?

Mordecai: I'm fine. I'm just tired. Talk to you later, see you at midnight! Bye! (hangs up and scoffs. walks back to Rigby and HFG) Is the perimeter secure?

Rigby: Yeah. I think Muscle Man's just takin' a nap.

Mordecai: Well let's go see how he's doing.

(the three go in to find M.M. is not in his living room)

Mordecai: Muscle Man? Yo, Muscle Man. (opens up bedroom door to find him asleep in bed) Hey man, are you okay? (Muscle Man doesn't answer) Did your hear me? (nudges M.M. only to find it is a fake dummy and spot him trying to climb out the window. the guys pull him back in)

Muscle Man: Starla!! Starla!!

Mordecai: We're gonna need some backup!

(M.M. is now tied up on the couch while the guys plus Pops, Skips, and Thomas are watching him)

Muscle Man: Starla!! Starla. Starla!!! ( Mordo,Rigby, and Fives pull everyone back for a meeting)

Mordecai: Alright dudes, I know Muscle Man looks totally miserable, but we just have to keep watch over him til' midnight. Got it?

Everyone except Muscle Man: Got it!

Mordecai: I'll take first watch.

(montage of everyone taking turns watching Muscle Man)

(It is almost midnight and Rigby is watching Muscle Man)

Rigby: Almost there Muscle Man. Only 15 minutes left to go.

Muscle Man: That's good. You think you could let me use the bathroom?

Rigby: Sorry, dude. (puts out a bucket)

Muscle Man: Aw, man. You don't have to worry. I don't have any need to run away. Just let me hit the bathroom. I gotta use it.

Rigby: (sighs) Alright. Just for a minute. (unties Muscle Man and gets shoved away)

Muscle Man: Ha! In your face! My lady's love gives me all the strength I need! (heads for the door)

Rigby: Code Red, Code Red! We got a runner!

Muscle Man: (Runs out the door) STARLA! (Everyone except Benson comes in and holds Muscle Man down)

Mordecai: Muscle Man! Stop, don't do it!

HFG: You have to wait!

Muscle Man: I can't! Starla! STARLA!! (starts to howl like a dog)

(scene cuts to the coffee shop and Starla is heard sobbing)

Eileen: Don't cry, Starla.

Margaret: Yeah, you've only got 10 minutes left. (the girls hear Muscle Man howling)

Starla: Did you hear something?

Margaret: I think so. (howling continues)

Starla: MY BABY NEEDS ME!! (runs out of her chair)

Margaret and Eileen: Starla! (begin to chase Starla as she runs out of the coffee shop and catch her before she gets too far)

Starla: (Hears Muscle Man howling again and howls as well)

(scene cuts to the park where howling is heard as the scene cuts back to Muscle Man's trailer as he's starts to flash blue and moves towards Starla, still howling while dragging everyone with)

Muscle Man: Starla! Starla! (continues howling)

Mordecai: Dude, no!

(scene cuts back to the coffee shop where Starla is now flashing pink)

Starla: Mitch!! (continues howling)

Margaret and Eileen: Starla, no!

(scene cuts back to Muscle Man and co. with Muscle Man still howling and still trying to pull him back)

Mordecai: Muscle Man, don't do it! She'll break up with you!

(back at the coffee shop)

Margaret: 30 more seconds!

(back at the park)

Mordecai: You promised her you'd wait!

Muscle Man: I've waited long enough! I don't wanna wait anymore! And I bet Starla doesn't wanna wait anymore either! STARLA!!! (glows brighter)

Starla: MITCH!!! (also glows brighter)

(both break free of grip and fly towards each other and turn into fireballs and start howling again and as the clock strikes midnight, they fly into the clock tower with a montage of things happening during the blast such as a dog jumps into a lake, a car exploding, Old Man Horshoes getting struck by lightning playing golf, a mallet smashing a watermelon, another mallet smashing the mallet, a pufferfish puffing up, someone chopping 3 blocks of wood, lightning striking a tree, a mallet once again smashes a watermelon and a man heading towards a porta-potty as it explodes. Everyone comes to see Muscle Man and Starla raise up from the blast and hold hands)

Muscle Man: Thank you all for helpng me. It was totally worth waiting to prove our love. You guys are true friends.

Mordecai: (chuckles) Thanks, Muscle Man! It was north- (gets cut off only to see that M.M. and Starla are making out, much to everyone's disgust)-thing.

(Everyone except Mordecai and Margaret walks away)

Mordecai: We probably shoudn't invite them to the movies anymore.

Margaret: Good idea.

(the episode ends) 

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