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This is the transcript for the episode "The Parkie Awards".

Yes, yes!

Thank you and welcome to

the annual Parkie Awards.

Heh. Now, we have

a truly staggering,

even grueling,

number of awards

to hand out tonight.

[BOTH GROAN]

So let's jump

right into the fun, huh?

Our first award

is for best raking.

The award for cleanest pond

goes to...

The park with the most

well-behaved children is...

Okay, halfway done, folks.

And for most uniform lawn...

Best birthday spots...

...for healthiest trees.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Let's give it up

to Harrison Lake Park

for most fertile land!

How do they do it?

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

[GROANS]

We've been here

for four hours!

What are you doing?

You're acting

like children!

I'm up for park manager

of the year.

This is the big leagues.

Gene usually

sweeps the awards,

but I know for a fact

that I have a chance this year.

I mean, after that embarrassing

fertilizer fiasco

East Pines had?

[CHUCKLES]

It's in the bag.

Well, this seems like

as good a time as any

that we remember

the fallen.

Our park-manager brethren,

none of whom had won an award

but will still be missed,

despite their

lack of excellence.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[AUDIENCE SIGHING, APPLAUDING]

And now

a moment of silence.

I'd like to thank Wing Kingdom

for sponsoring this event!

Before you get your angel wings,

come by and get some spicy ones.

[CHUCKLES]

And now the award

we've all been waiting for...

the park manager

of the year award!

The nominees are...

Announcer:

Kimmy Gehbert from Micro Park.

Slicer Ericson

from Alley Way Park.

Gene from East Pines Park.

And Benson from Park.

What? That's not

the picture I told you to send!

Don't you want them

to know the real you?

Yeah, it's honest.

HOST:

And the Parkie

goes to...

Shh, this is it!

Ben...

[GASPS]

...jamin Smith!

He's another guy who passed.

That's food for thought.

Anyway, get up here, Gene!

You won!

ANNOUNCER:

This is Gene's ninth nomination

and ninth win in this category.

It's his 18th win tonight.

Hey, I needed another

back scratcher, am I right?

[LAUGHS]

I'm runnin' out of room

for these things!

Well, thanks, I guess.

Here's to

another 18 wins!

[LAUGHS]

The best of the best certainly

won tonight, huh, folks?

Another big thanks

to Wing Kingdom,

and we'll see you next year

at the annual Parkie Awards!

Okay, so I didn't win.

It's an honor to

even be nominated.

[CHOMPING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING

INDISTINCTLY]

Eighteen in a row!

I loved all the dresses.

Judged by a jury

of my peers.

With peers like these,

who needs friends?

Hey, uh...

Why don't you

go get some fresh air?

I'm gonna get

some fresh air!

Jokers wouldn't know a good park

from a hole in the park.

Benson took that

pretty hard.

Yikes.

I'm embarrassed for him.

Man, Benson's 10 times

the park manager Gene is.

Look, he doesn't even care

that he won.

Hah! They give awards

for anything these days.

I floss twice a day.

Nominate me for that!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hot wings, sir?

Definitely!

There's just no justice

in the world.

Let's grab Benson

and get out of here.

Hey, Benson, how about

we have a guys' night out?

How's that sound?

Yeah, we could do it up!

We'd just need

some wings,

some slo-mo explosions,

a sweet ride.

That stuff's for winners.

Winners like Gene.

He's probably out

having the time of his life.

We'll see

how good a time he has

when he figures out

this is missing!

What the--?

Huh?

Oh, my!

Rigby,

what are you thinking?

What better way to feel like a

winner than with a real award?

Besides,

he didn't even miss it.

It's the principle

of the thing!

Is it because it doesn't

have your name?

Here, I'll fix it.

No!

We have to call Gene now!

We'll tell him

we have his award,

and it's all

a misunderstanding.

Gene, it's Benson.

Call me back.

It's important.

I got the machine.

Well...

while we're waiting

to hear back,

we could have

a little fun.

ALL:

Ooh!

[♪♪♪]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

Man, guys,

what a night!

I really just don't know

what to say.

Well, heh, I know what

I would've said if I'd won.

It was

a show-stopper speech.

I had to edit down

three paragraphs

I'd written

about this guy.

And you were in it,

and you were in it--

And even you guys

are in it.

BOTH:

Whoa!

Well,

not in the original,

but I added you in after

how much fun we just had.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS]

Too bad I'll never

get to say it.

Maybe it's not

too late, bro.

Mega-cool of you to let us in

like this, man.

Eh, no problem.

The set's getting trashed

tomorrow anyway.

[DOOR CREAKS]

ALL [CHANTING]:

Speech, speech, speech, speech!

[CHUCKLES]

Wow!

I can't believe

I'm finally up here.

Sorry, sorry.

I'll start.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Fives?

It's not me.

I just turned on the lights.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHIRS]

Huh?

What the--?

[SCREAMS]

[ALL SCREAM]

[♪♪♪]

What do you think

you're doing, mate?

I'm giving my speech?

I'm just trying

to have my moment.

You've got

plenty of moments!

Yeah! Isn't it enough

that you're still alive?

I never

got to give a speech!

I never got to

give a speech, either!

Jared, the adults

are talking here.

Hey, I passed

the same as everyone else!

You just forgot

to chew your food.

Well, Victoria

just fell off a log!

Well, at least I didn't

get killed by dirt,

like old quicksand

over here! Huh?

Give me that mic!

Hey!

[GRUNTS]

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

Oof!

That's it!

[ALL GRUNTING]

[CHOKES]

You got to learn

from your elders!

Huh? Oof!

Child coming through!

JARED: My chocolate!

[BOTH PANTING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

Hey!

[GRUNTING]

Look at yourselves!

What are we doing?

We all just want

the same thing:

to be appreciated.

So why

are we fighting?

We've all given speeches

to ourselves:

in the shower,

in the car,

so let's give them

to each other, right here,

right now, together.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, oh, wow, jeez!

This thing's heavy.

I actually--

I don't have anything prepared.

And you can shove it!

And you can shove it!

What do you think about that,

Coach Gunderson?

And you can shove it!

Oh, and you can--

And I said,

"Mom, you may not believe in me,

but believe in my park!"

[SOBBING]

And me and my mates

were in the Outback,

down by the opera house,

when this crocodile

comes flying out of nowhere!

Well, I got that croc

in a headlock

and punched him

in the stomach!

That's the end of my story.

[APPLUADING]

Thank you. Boomerang.

[CRACKLING]

Last, but not least,

Benson!

ALL [CHANTING]:

Benson, Benson,

Benson, Benson!

Thank you, thank you!

It's a great honor

to have received this award.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, uh...

They say

the third time's a charm.

I say it's the seventh!

Uh, I'd like to thank

Pops, Skips, Mordecai,

Muscle Man,

Hi-Five Ghost!

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

ALL: Huh?

Who's doing that?

Cut it out!

And the award for breaking

and entering goes to Benson!

Too bad there's

no trophy for it.

Got your message!

Thought I'd

find you here.

Oh, right.

This belongs to you.

Sorry to worry you.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry.

I didn't realize

it was missing.

Ain't life funny?

Anyway, thanks!

Oh, and I hope you didn't

take your picture with it.

'Cause they say you'll never

win an award if you do.

What?

That's probably just

an old Parkies urban legend.

I wouldn't worry

about it.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Whoa, there.

See you at

the next lodge meeting!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Let's just go home.

MORDECAI:

And the Parkie

goes to...Benson!

From Park.

Come to the stage

and claim your prize!

ALL [CHANTING]: Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech!

Mordecai: Here you go, Benson. You deserve it.

Benson: This is really the best award I could win. I'd like to thank all of you guys. Not just for being the best staff I've worked with, but also being the best friends I could ask for. Because of you, every day I come into work, I feel like a true winner. Thank you.

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