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This is the transcript for the episode "The Parkie Awards".
Yes, yes!
Thank you and welcome to
the annual Parkie Awards.
Heh. Now, we have
a truly staggering,
even grueling,
number of awards
to hand out tonight.
[BOTH GROAN]
So let's jump
right into the fun, huh?
Our first award
is for best raking.
The award for cleanest pond
goes to...
The park with the most
well-behaved children is...
Okay, halfway done, folks.
And for most uniform lawn...
Best birthday spots...
...for healthiest trees.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
Let's give it up
to Harrison Lake Park
for most fertile land!
How do they do it?
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[GROANS]
We've been here
for four hours!
What are you doing?
You're acting
like children!
I'm up for park manager
of the year.
This is the big leagues.
Gene usually
sweeps the awards,
but I know for a fact
that I have a chance this year.
I mean, after that embarrassing
fertilizer fiasco
East Pines had?
[CHUCKLES]
It's in the bag.
Well, this seems like
as good a time as any
that we remember
the fallen.
Our park-manager brethren,
none of whom had won an award
but will still be missed,
despite their
lack of excellence.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE SIGHING, APPLAUDING]
And now
a moment of silence.
I'd like to thank Wing Kingdom
for sponsoring this event!
Before you get your angel wings,
come by and get some spicy ones.
[CHUCKLES]
And now the award
we've all been waiting for...
the park manager
of the year award!
The nominees are...
Announcer:
Kimmy Gehbert from Micro Park.
Slicer Ericson
from Alley Way Park.
Gene from East Pines Park.
And Benson from Park.
What? That's not
the picture I told you to send!
Don't you want them
to know the real you?
Yeah, it's honest.
HOST:
And the Parkie
goes to...
Shh, this is it!
Ben...
[GASPS]
...jamin Smith!
He's another guy who passed.
That's food for thought.
Anyway, get up here, Gene!
You won!
ANNOUNCER:
This is Gene's ninth nomination
and ninth win in this category.
It's his 18th win tonight.
Hey, I needed another
back scratcher, am I right?
[LAUGHS]
I'm runnin' out of room
for these things!
Well, thanks, I guess.
Here's to
another 18 wins!
[LAUGHS]
The best of the best certainly
won tonight, huh, folks?
Another big thanks
to Wing Kingdom,
and we'll see you next year
at the annual Parkie Awards!
Okay, so I didn't win.
It's an honor to
even be nominated.
[CHOMPING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY]
Eighteen in a row!
I loved all the dresses.
Judged by a jury
of my peers.
With peers like these,
who needs friends?
Hey, uh...
Why don't you
go get some fresh air?
I'm gonna get
some fresh air!
Jokers wouldn't know a good park
from a hole in the park.
Benson took that
pretty hard.
Yikes.
I'm embarrassed for him.
Man, Benson's 10 times
the park manager Gene is.
Look, he doesn't even care
that he won.
Hah! They give awards
for anything these days.
I floss twice a day.
Nominate me for that!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hot wings, sir?
Definitely!
There's just no justice
in the world.
Let's grab Benson
and get out of here.
Hey, Benson, how about
we have a guys' night out?
How's that sound?
Yeah, we could do it up!
We'd just need
some wings,
some slo-mo explosions,
a sweet ride.
That stuff's for winners.
Winners like Gene.
He's probably out
having the time of his life.
We'll see
how good a time he has
when he figures out
this is missing!
What the--?
Huh?
Oh, my!
Rigby,
what are you thinking?
What better way to feel like a
winner than with a real award?
Besides,
he didn't even miss it.
It's the principle
of the thing!
Is it because it doesn't
have your name?
Here, I'll fix it.
No!
We have to call Gene now!
We'll tell him
we have his award,
and it's all
a misunderstanding.
Gene, it's Benson.
Call me back.
It's important.
I got the machine.
Well...
while we're waiting
to hear back,
we could have
a little fun.
ALL:
Ooh!
[♪♪♪]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Man, guys,
what a night!
I really just don't know
what to say.
Well, heh, I know what
I would've said if I'd won.
It was
a show-stopper speech.
I had to edit down
three paragraphs
I'd written
about this guy.
And you were in it,
and you were in it--
And even you guys
are in it.
BOTH:
Whoa!
Well,
not in the original,
but I added you in after
how much fun we just had.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[SIGHS]
Too bad I'll never
get to say it.
Maybe it's not
too late, bro.
Mega-cool of you to let us in
like this, man.
Eh, no problem.
The set's getting trashed
tomorrow anyway.
[DOOR CREAKS]
ALL [CHANTING]:
Speech, speech, speech, speech!
[CHUCKLES]
Wow!
I can't believe
I'm finally up here.
Sorry, sorry.
I'll start.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Fives?
It's not me.
I just turned on the lights.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHIRS]
Huh?
What the--?
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAM]
[♪♪♪]
What do you think
you're doing, mate?
I'm giving my speech?
I'm just trying
to have my moment.
You've got
plenty of moments!
Yeah! Isn't it enough
that you're still alive?
I never
got to give a speech!
I never got to
give a speech, either!
Jared, the adults
are talking here.
Hey, I passed
the same as everyone else!
You just forgot
to chew your food.
Well, Victoria
just fell off a log!
Well, at least I didn't
get killed by dirt,
like old quicksand
over here! Huh?
Give me that mic!
Hey!
[GRUNTS]
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
Oof!
That's it!
[ALL GRUNTING]
[CHOKES]
You got to learn
from your elders!
Huh? Oof!
Child coming through!
JARED: My chocolate!
[BOTH PANTING]
[ALL GRUNTING]
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
Hey!
[GRUNTING]
Look at yourselves!
What are we doing?
We all just want
the same thing:
to be appreciated.
So why
are we fighting?
We've all given speeches
to ourselves:
in the shower,
in the car,
so let's give them
to each other, right here,
right now, together.
[♪♪♪]
Uh, oh, wow, jeez!
This thing's heavy.
I actually--
I don't have anything prepared.
And you can shove it!
And you can shove it!
What do you think about that,
Coach Gunderson?
And you can shove it!
Oh, and you can--
And I said,
"Mom, you may not believe in me,
but believe in my park!"
[SOBBING]
And me and my mates
were in the Outback,
down by the opera house,
when this crocodile
comes flying out of nowhere!
Well, I got that croc
in a headlock
and punched him
in the stomach!
That's the end of my story.
[APPLUADING]
Thank you. Boomerang.
[CRACKLING]
Last, but not least,
Benson!
ALL [CHANTING]:
Benson, Benson,
Benson, Benson!
Thank you, thank you!
It's a great honor
to have received this award.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Uh, uh...
They say
the third time's a charm.
I say it's the seventh!
Uh, I'd like to thank
Pops, Skips, Mordecai,
Muscle Man,
Hi-Five Ghost!
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
ALL: Huh?
Who's doing that?
Cut it out!
And the award for breaking
and entering goes to Benson!
Too bad there's
no trophy for it.
Got your message!
Thought I'd
find you here.
Oh, right.
This belongs to you.
Sorry to worry you.
[LAUGHS]
Sorry.
I didn't realize
it was missing.
Ain't life funny?
Anyway, thanks!
Oh, and I hope you didn't
take your picture with it.
'Cause they say you'll never
win an award if you do.
What?
That's probably just
an old Parkies urban legend.
I wouldn't worry
about it.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
Whoa, there.
See you at
the next lodge meeting!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
Let's just go home.
MORDECAI:
And the Parkie
goes to...Benson!
From Park.
Come to the stage
and claim your prize!
ALL [CHANTING]: Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech!
Mordecai: Here you go, Benson. You deserve it.
Benson: This is really the best award I could win. I'd like to thank all of you guys. Not just for being the best staff I've worked with, but also being the best friends I could ask for. Because of you, every day I come into work, I feel like a true winner. Thank you.